Overwhelmed

Hi everyone! I have severe contamination OCD, and the worst of it involves fears of my beloved 12 year old dog getting cancer later in my life due to my actions. I was recently exposed to secondhand and thirdhand smoke and as a result, I have avoided seeing my dog for over a week now. I have been struggling with this disease for a very long time and it has only gotten worse over time. I also have other contamination fears such as just being a gross human due contact with bodily fluids or not cleaning my body adequately. I feel that some fears are more anxiety provoking and worse than others. For example, I regularly take 2 hours showers. But with my fear of bodily fluids and being gross, I feel strong enough to begin ERP therapy. Because the worst case consequence is just me being gross and embarrassing myself, but nothing more severe. With my fear of my dog getting cancer due to direct or indirect exposure to harmful household products, situations, or environmental toxins, I have not been able to convince myself to start ERP therapy. This is because I know that it involves accepting uncertainty or the small possibility that my dog might indeed get cancer due to my actions, and I just can't bring myself to accept that without performing the compulsions that I think will help reduce the risk (e.g. cleaning my clothes, car, avoiding him, etc.). If someone truly loves their loved ones or pets, I don't understand how they are able to just put this fear and the very real risk of it happening aside. Even after doing ERP therapy and accepting potential exposure to harmful toxins/situations, it is not as though I will see that nothing bad has happened to him and find relief, because my fear of him getting cancer is a long-term consequence, something that will happen near the end of his life. I desperately need help but I feel that ERP therapy goes against my values, who I am as a person, and would mean that I'm intentionally ignoring the signs that my dog is in harm's way. It almost feels neglectful to me. I feel that I am bound to keep suffering the way I am. And therefore I feel stuck and paralyzed. Any help or advice that could frame the situation a different way or show me a different perspective would be much appreciated! I keep reading that for ERP therapy to be successful, one must believe in better outcomes as a result of it, but I am just not convinced. Thank you for reading! Much love to all of my fellow sufferers <3

Hi, I’m new here. I’ve been dealing with OCD since I was 9 or 10 but only got diagnosed at 19, and started actual treatment a few weeks ago. I’m 21 now. I have severe emetophobia that fuels my health ocd and my intrusive thoughts have been so bad lately that I can hardly eat or leave my house. I don’t go anywhere except my bedroom and work. I even get anxious thinking about going to my living room. I started ERP with a new therapist, and I want to get better, but the therapy is so scary and overwhelming. I’ve lived this way for so long that confronting my fears feels impossible and I’m so scared to do it. I do everything I can to avoid anxiety attacks. I feel so unsafe in my own body because of the way I can’t stop fixating on certain actions and sensations. Does anyone who’s gone through something similar have any advice, or encouragement? I’m doing my best, but I don’t know anyone else with my ocd themes. Thanks y’all <3

Hi everyone (major TW) I just started therapy here at NOCD yesterday and I am still kind of…badly spiraling and I’m hoping that maybe some of you can make me feel better. I started having harm intrusive thoughts about my dog 8 years ago, and they went away mostly as she got older…until I got badly triggered by a tv show a few weeks ago and here we are. Since then, I’ve had horrible thoughts/visions of knives cutting into her (always her head and neck and always super graphic), words popping into my head (usually on the ends of sentences) about slashing, cutting and worse, and this constant physical feeling of being afraid that I’m going to harm her. Not that I want to, but I’m afraid it will happen, because I constantly feel it even though I don’t want to. I’m constantly aware of the feeling and thoughts being there 24/7 and am battling them all the time - checking the thoughts to see if they bother me enough, scared when or if I just feel numb, and am basically living on the edge of feeling like I’m going to do something horrible to her I don’t want to do. If I think about the words I get shivers down my spine and feel an intense feeling like adrenaline/fear and just want to get away from her asap. I’ve gotten the thoughts about my parents too, and feel the same way, but it’s a little easier to separate myself from them as my dog doesn’t understand. Has anyone else had this? I know I shouldn’t be looking for reassurance but I really need to know if this is actually OCD, or I should lock myself away and give this poor dog to someone else. She was my entire world until 3 weeks ago and now I’m just terrified 24/7 that I’m going to hurt her because it’s all I can think about. Please help me.