Can anyone relate to this?

Is this a normal, unspoken thing that all of us humans do in order to make friends, connect with others, make them like us, and make them feel we relate to them and they relate to us? - Lets say there is a person you really, really like and admire. You really like being friends with them, they’re just a cool person. They’re always happy, very successful, independent, confident, etc. and they just make you feel so good about yourself. You admire their values and their way of life. You don’t necessarily like the way they dress, but you like them so much that how they dress grows on you, so you find yourself at Target one day, you see a shirt that looks just like something they would wear, and you buy it. You buy it because it reminds you of them. You buy it because in an odd sense it makes you feel like them (kind of like a little boy who puts on a superman costume feels like he’s superman.) You buy it because you want to connect with them. You want them to think, “oh, I love your shirt and they will because it’s something the’d wear.) You also find yourself doing and saying things that they do sometimes just because other people wear off on us, and sometimes just because we like feeling like them. Sometimes I find myself purposely acting like them when Im at home or starting to use their lingo. It’s almost a way of carrying them around with me. Im so worried something is wrong with me or that Im not being truthful to them. Ive been this way my whole life. Have never had a problem making friends/keeping friends. Im 45, have had the same friends since middle school, been with my husband for 15 yrs., have 2 amazing kids. On the outside I am quite normal. I believe people to think Im well put together and have been told so before. I thought I was on the inside as well until OCD got ahold of me 3 months ago. It just tells me Im fake, manipulative (with how I win people over), unauthentic person who tricks everyone in to being my friend or to like me. No, I don’t have borderline personality disorder, and have been evaluated by a therapist. I had a thorough assessment when I was seen for severe health anxiety. Can anyone relate? Thank you!

dianeee

Date posted: 1y

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and without invalidating you you are thinking way too much!! This is like why a younger sibling copies an older sibling. Its out of admiration and when people hang out a lot and like each other they tend to pick up each others mannerisms/ lingo and interests/styles! But if you feel as tho youre doing this stuff in an effort to feel like them i would suggest writing down all the things you like about these people or person and kind of compare yourself and see how you can be more like them in your own way. Like if theyre kind and you feel like youre not, start doing small things to become more kind. Because if that is the reason youre doing it i am here to tell you you were not put on this earth to be someone else you were here to be yourself and if you dont like who you are 100% change everything you can change within yourself to feel secure enough to not feel the need or want to be other people

Scared1

Date posted: 1y

@dianeee This is the most kind and thoughtful reply and. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I thought at this age something was wrong with me as has been my whole life because ive always been this way.

dianeee

Date posted: 1y

@Scared1 there is absolutely nothing wrong with you i can assure you of that💜

Scared1

Date posted: 1y

@dianeee Thank you so much! It makes me feel like I manipulate people in to thinking we’re the same by dressing similarly, or having the same body language as them etc. Very hard to figure out.❤️

dianeee

Date posted: 1y

@Scared1 when you say the same as them do you mean like have similar intrests or do you want to actually be them ?

dianeee

Date posted: 1y

@Scared1 like what im asking is is this a way to make them like you more or a way to become more like them and less like yourself?

Scared1

Date posted: 1y

@dianeee I means I stay the same, but will find myself naturally wanting to dress like them. One reason is as states above, I just really like them. Maybe its not so much that I love what they wear but because I like them so much that I like what they wear. I dont change my entire wardrobe or anything, but will find myself wearing similar things. The other reason is it helps me to connect with them. It gives me the idea that they will see me in similar clothing and be like, “oh hey, I love your shirt! I have one kind of like that.” In cases like that it brings us closer. I know you say thats totally normal, but Im afraid that Im manipulating. 😔

dianeee

Date posted: 1y

@Scared1 That is totally normal! Manipulation is literally a part of life we are all selfish yk? its more about your intentions so since your intentions are just to bring you guys closer and grow your bond i dont see anything wrong with that! if a friend did that with me i would be flattered they like me so much and like the styles i like! As long as you actually like the clothes etc. too that is completely normal

Scared1

Date posted: 1y

@dianeee Thank you so much for talking to me about this. I try appreciate it. I know you’re a complete stranger, but you’ve helped me a lot. Thank you!

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Where is there no ocd?

I was doing some research and saw about the narcissistic traits that OCD can create. Is this after the person knows they have OCD? Because I always knew I had it. But it was the classic one, with little quirks. Years later I developed false memory and intrusive thoughts whit my present theme. I was reading this because I was thinking about attraction. And I think I'm only attracted to two people in this life. But I remember from times by I had the feeling to please people. Without any interest and without even having the intention to do it, it was very automatic. So I was constantly focusing on how I was apparently being. I never acted like I was interested, but it was always like I was dealing with people's focuses. To tell you the truth, I've noticed that I do this even in other social interactions. I feel like I'm being watched all the time and so I have to act the way I'd like to be seen, like a sweet and delicate person. To be honest, I thought it had to do with my childhood issues because I was very careless and that got me bullied a lot when I was little kid. So I thought I was super focused on my appearance because of that. And I thought that the agaradar came as a consequence precisely because I was always seen as a grotesque girl because I took little care of myself. I even remember that the compliment that made me happiest was when someone said I was delicate. It made sense to me that it really was that. But after researching more, I realized that there are a lot of impulsive and repetitive things in my actions. And never with any intention. But in a very strange way. So much so that when I was younger I swore that I had some kind of personality disorder because it was very common to act one way one day and another way the next day. Maybe I was just an unstable teenager? Thank u for the help!

Scared1

Date posted: 22w

Am I just off in the world?

I have OCD around being a bad or a “weird,” person. I use to be in therapy twice a week for two hours at a time because I was in such bad shape with it. Eventually I moved to once a week at two hours at a time, and now I’m down to just once a week, an hour at a time! I was also put on Lexapro, stayed on it for a year and just weened myself off in Nov. I do feel proud of myself, but today someone said something that was pretty triggering and I’m feeling funny now. Since I was a little girl, if I find someone I liked a lot, I wanted to know everything about them. This typically only happened with older adults and always women. It was always very harmless. I just lived in my head a lot with them always on my mind. Then Facebook came out where you could find out anything about anyone. I could go on to someone’s Facebook page, scroll through their page, pictures, and if I was really interested in them, could find out who their family was through their friends list, etc. Then I’d visit their families FB pages all the time out of just interest (or I guess you could call it being nosy, I don’t really know.) If I really felt interested in them, Id google them, look up their house, just weird stuff like that. I could end up knowing everything about them or their family. It had never caused me any harm or them any harm. I never really thought about it being weird or anything. But one day I woke up and was like, “what if I’m a stalker. What if this person knew that I knew who their parents are, their siblings, etc., etc.?” I got in to an absolute downward spiral about it and felt like such a weirdo, a creep, a freak. Seriously, I’m a pretty normal person. I’m married, kids, husband, stay at home mom, have the same friends I’ve had since middle school, high school, whatever. My therapist didn’t think this was a big deal and I was always scared she was just being nice. I made her promise me to tell me if anything I told her sounded off. Anyway, I was on the phone tonight and the person I was talking to, was talking about someone else and she said, “yeah, I mean she just looks people up and needs to know everything about them. That’s why she could be so good at being a private detective, or something like that. She’s kinda stalkerish.” It hit me hard. I felt like I needed to tell her that maybe she wouldn’t like me either because I can be the same way. I didn’t though. I didn’t get off the phone or do anything with it. If this was a year ago, I’d be in the bathroom vomiting, pacing the floor, taking my anti anxiety med. Today, I just dealt with the uncertainty of her not knowing that I can be the same way. I’m doing ok, but I’m so curious, is it just me that does this kind of thing? Is there anyone else that does this kind of thing? Is this abnormal? I know that it is what it is, but my phone conversation tonight kinda opened up that stuff for me a little bit and now I’m feeling like a freak. Thank you if read this and if you respond.😊

Scared1

Date posted: 22w

Is this abnormal?

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