I don’t want to be one of them people but I feel like I can’t cope anymore, like I’ve had to leave work from having a panic attack come home to my partner and confess. I feel like I can’t keep it all inside all the time, I feel like it makes me worse! Like I just can’t do this! I feel like I’m about to lose my home, my fiancé and everything.
Don’t give up ❤️ You won’t always feel like this! I understand how intense and heavy it can feel but know that this will pass and the feeling won’t cause you to lose your fiancé, home, or work.
@rosecd I just want to just be able to accept that I am not actually gay, like I have all the evidence to support that but my brain won’t take it, I don’t want to agree with it that makes me feel worse. I’m in a mental health crisis here. I feel like I’m lying do I talk to my mum will that make me feel better, my partner knows everything and still loves me for some reason and I just don’t want this anymore!
@TBdiz89 I understand. It sounds like the thought is causing you a lot of distress and it makes you question everything. But I think I would do everything I can to allow the thought to exist without giving it any power: the only thing that matters, more than the fear, is that you are in this very moment safe, you are clearly loved, and that is all. You don’t have to DO anything, fix anything, or know anything. You are safe. And when you feel less scared, and your body can calm down, then maybe piece by piece you can start doing the work of figuring out whether you want to make room to understand your sexuality. But there’s no urgency to do that right now - the only urgency is making sure you feel safe inside yourself, and the way to do that is to take deep breaths and slow down! I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and I hope you feel better soon.
@rosecd I’ve spent years trying to figure it out. It’s torture I don’t want to have sex with women which hints towards being straight. My fiancé is a man and I enjoy sex with him and I love him. Then I get intrusive thoughts saying that I would like it and that I want it. I’m trying to plan my wedding because all I want to do is marry him but I have this massive level of guilt that i could turn out gay at some point or that I’m going to have to live with these constant questions… when I just want to be comfortable enough within myself. I’ve never figured it out i just don’t want to one day have an epiphany
@TBdiz89 I understand that! But I think it’s important to recognize that the intrusive thoughts are exactly that: thoughts! Your brain is picking one thing to attach your anxiety to and in your case it’s possibly being gay, but that doesn’t MAKE you gay, just like how the thought could be saying “your skin is green!”, it wouldn’t turn your skin green. Remember that in those triggers you just have to breathe through them. You can trust that you can handle this moment, just as you will be able to trust yourself in the future.
@rosecd I try and tell myself this but then I get confused with what ocd recovery really is, like I struggle with how to respond, I worry about what my future looks like, I worry that I want to marry and have children with my fiancé but I’ve had doubts about myself before, and I’ll have them again. I pin point that I second guess if I find people attractive or not. If I think I do then my brain says you don’t you’re in denial. When I see a woman who is beautiful I struggle with that, I struggle programmes with gay people in, I think it all centres around losing my relationship.
@TBdiz89 Hi - you’ve described my experience with SOOCD also. I’m 36, married with a child on the way. My first intrusive stuck thought was at 26. I’ve had 2 years of being OK out of the past 10. Your experience and how you word it is very similar to mine. It’s like you want something that your brain seems to think you can’t have right?
@gp This is how I feel w my SO OCD tbh
No one understands what I’m going through. My husband used to be my biggest supporter but not we’re separated and I try to explain to my parents why I’m upset when I have panic attacks but they don’t get it. For Example: This morning I told my mom I was having a panic attack. And she just kept asking “why? What’s wrong? U were so happy yesterday. When I said, I didn’t know I just was having this panic attack. She did not understand one bit. She just kept asking me why why why? And I’m like I don’t know. 😭 it makes me just wanna stay away from everyone and just isolate because people don’t understand. I know it’s not their fault. I’m actually glad they don’t understand because that means they’re not going through the pain I’m going through.
I don’t know what crack my hormones are on this week but I’ve had like 4 different panic attacks at work today. I sometimes think it’s so silly that I was diagnosed with panic disorder until this starts to happen every 4 weeks. Panic attack followed by panic attacks all day for days. I feel like I’m going insane. I’m scared I’ll get reprimanded for staying in the bathroom for so long but I can’t have a panic attack out there in front of everyone :( I feel so scared ugh
I’m struggling so much, I don’t know what’s changed. I was doing so well for a solid two months and now it’s been over a month of just my lowest point. My bf has gotten upset at how much I do compulsions and it’s taxing him too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be my partner right now. I feel exhausted I’m tired of my OCD finding new things to obsess or worry over. I’m so TIRED of getting stuck on technicalities. I’m so exhausted with the constant intrusive thoughts and intrusive thinking. I’m so sick of how compulsive I get when I’m so riddled with anxiety. I don’t want to keep pushing. It feels pointless if my life is going to be a constant loop of ups and extreme lows. I feel like such a disgusting, embarrassing person. I don’t want love because I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t want patience or understanding because it makes me feel so guilty. Like no one is understanding how bad of person I could truly be. I’m so lost and tired of this
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