Religious

@Someone99 It seems I am in a crises more than I anticipated. I try so hard not to pick it back up and it almost seems impossible. Esp today. Feeling as if I’m living in a haze. I appreciate your kind words and affirmations!! I need to write these down and place them everywhere. It’s hard not to lean on my own understanding though. This trial has stunned me. I have to keep believing somehow that it’s for the good work God wants to do in me.

@Layla32 Are you in ERP therapy? I can completely relate. My crisis earlier this year was a horrible one, almost as bad as 5 years ago. It's extremely important to learn to manage the OCD thoughts. It's not something you can pray away, we need to retrain our brains. Once I was able to manage my thoughts I began to feel "sober". I know the haze you're experiencing, sober was the best way I could describe the calm that occurs after my thoughts were managed. Then you'll experience that closeness with God again. It's worth the time, money and work. I assure you that.

@Annon. I know. There is so much resistance with the ocd to have faith it’s like almost as if my body telling me it’s wrong. That’s not true. It can’t be 😭 and I’m like why. I have never had to like be in this position with my faith. It came so naturally before and honestly, it was incredibly easy. I def took it for granted. This verse is actually one of my kids for homeschool. This is why I have pushed through to homeschool my children. It constantly exposes me to God and the Bible. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1.

@ElevenB I am trying so hard to fight the obsession of no feelings. It’s all also the same with my kids. The feelings aspect of things. I have ppd too. I miss them though. I miss the good feelings of knowing the Lord and not so many negative thoughts towards Him and my children too which frighten me. It’s like I’m only 33 years old and just have so much life to live and now I feel I don’t know how. I’m so irritable and high strung and unable to just be present and it breaks my heart for my family. It breaks my heart for my latest child too. I used to just love being a mom and it made so much sense. Most challenging season of my life. I’ve made it 18 months though. More than I thought when it all began.

@ElevenB I actually love Mark. I read his book Jesus loves me and I love myself bc I really find loving myself difficult esp now. I want to read more but I’m working through just some other books I have never read in my home before I buy other things. I did do ERP some with NOCD. I also have a CBT therapist. I can’t afford NOCD though. Barely afford my in person. I’m a stay at home mom for now. Was a nurse before this. I homeschool my oldest mainly too. He is 6. Our budget is hard and I’m really into getting to the root of my issues so I try to restore gut health. Minerals. Etc. I’m still breastfeeding too. My life has a lot of stress. My husband is struggling with kidney stones too. So much has hit the fan since Loral Faith.

@Dee C Thank you for this. I balled. I feel so misunderstood now. I always struggled with that even as a child but now being a mother and trying to raise 3 kids and be there for them including my husband, I feel doomed and bad for them. I do the best that I can but it seems like the world isn’t so fun to me anymore. I see the world through a lens of fear that I never knew existed. It’s so hard to look forward to things with these issues. I really try not to entertain the thoughts so much but my emotions are high today. I have a great life. Wish I could grasp it. It’s like I have just become a whole different person now after the birth. I think a big fear is scarring my children. I’ve always wanted to have so many kids and now I just feel it’s impossible with this ocd stuff going on. The motivation to just keep being optimistic is difficult. Thank you so much the comment. ❤️

@Layla32 OCD is a liar, a bully and a leech. I’ve learned (and practice) not to pay attention to the liar, face/brave the bully and brush off the leech. Just as a suggestion, try listening to the NOCD Wednesday Night Webinar or The OCD Stories on YouTube. It won’t replace therapy but they do offer some tips.

@kfaith I’ve honestly come so far. It just isn’t enough for me I suppose and it’s taking much longer to work through it and find peace in it. I’m close to my cycle too. Probably not helpful. I’ve got some other stressors going on too. My husband is hurting from stones. Unsure what’s going to happen with that. I have anxiety about all of that too. Just overwhelmed and hard on myself. I do pray. I try to be careful as it has been a compulsion that resulted in debilitating anxiety. I usually do a devotional daily that I really press into prayer with and my hubby and I do a Bible study which is also an exposure for me. Majorly. It’s hard on me. To go up against so much resistance. Just want my mind to know the truth. An let it stick. I don’t have a ton of confidence anymore. Seems it’s all been attacked the places I did have it in.

@Layla32 That is definitely a lot going on. I’m sorry you are going through so much. I will be praying for you and your husband 🙏

@kfaith Thank you so much! My baby girls middle name is Faith! I’m like man. What a name to name someone with a season like this!! I had no clue.

@ElevenB Thank you so much. You are so kind ❤️. Rumination is apparently something I’m very accustomed to. I have got to look that up!! I’m so glad you told me!! I love it but don’t bc I am so high strung with the ocd now so it’s so hard to like let go of innocent things with my kids. I’ve really tried to lean into grace with them and me but I def do fail and scared of ruining their lives. I think I’m def facing some personal struggles I’ve probably had for years by doing this but I’m thankful. It gets me present with my kids and engaging with them. What’s your name? I’ll pray for you too

Mark DeJesus is a fantastic resource!