Pocd attractions😓

Someone please respond. Let me preface by saying that both my therapists and my mom don’t think I’m what I think I am. I have known I have OCD since I was 14, and I’m 22 now. (I had other forms of it in the past—perfectionism OCD, reverse HOCD (thought I was straight,) etc. But POCD is literally making me feel like trash and so scared and worthless. I can remember sooo many times when I had these thoughts and they weren’t “intrusive” because I didn’t know they were bad. Like so many times. So how does that make me any diff from an actual p********?! Now that I know they’re bad, we’re just going to call them intrusive?! I don’t want to hurt a child ever!! I want to have a relationship with someone my age! (But this can be true for real p********s too!!) I’m so scared, how can I just call these “false attractions” now?? Also, my type is young looking (people my age!) but does that mean I like them because they look child-like?! Please help, I want my happiness back. I’m not a bad person ?

Every time I look at a child now I have these feelings and groinials and thoughts that I just can’t tell if they’re real or not bc it feels like it’s real it feels like I’m denying I’m attracted to them or something when I just notice that they are cute and have like attractive faces/feautures? And sometimes it feels like I notice them like an adult :/ but sometimes like if it’s like a vid or something sometimes I think it’s someone older but then I see longer and I’m like oof it’s not 🫠 like ughhh I just hate this idk what to do and I don’t want to be become an abuser I’m scared like I’ll be like my abuser and i don’t feel anxious like before bc I had these thoughts come up since 2020

hi everyone! i struggle really badly with pocd. today ive been trying to not avoid places where i know there will be children and watch harmless videos that have come on my feed on social media instead of scrolling straight past them and it has helped a bit. but i keep getting awful thoughts of like thinking i like these thoughts and i do actually want these thoughts and that i really am a p*dophile and i feel like it’s setting me back but i know i have to face that and just carry on. i also keep having doubts of whether this really is ocd and i really am an awful person. i hate it so so much and i keep having panic attacks which make me overwhelmed and i just see no way out. is this normal? if anyone could share their experiences or just some advice it would be very much appreciated!