Cant enjoy anything anymore

@Kimneedshelp Thats the root of it all for me that I am a bad person. Im self centered, go all out on things JUST for the “oooohhhhs & ahhhhhs” from others. I use to LOVE decorating for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc., but now I am so depressed and have no desire whatsoever to do any of that because I believe it’s all for show. My family/friends think I love to entertain, cook/bake, decorate and it makes me think they don’t really know me. That it’s not that I love to so these things it’s all for attention or to “one up,” everyone else. It feels terrible.

@Diana 24 Very weird question…but have you ever had the thoughts of like, ok, lets say you find the cutest most expensive pair of shoes and you just absolutely love them. (It can be anything really.) And lets say they’re name brand, so expensive and you’re getting them for 1/2 off or something. Anyway, do you ever get the thought of actually wanting friends or whomever to feel jealous of you that you have that item? 😔

@Diana 24 I am always funny too and can always make people laugh. Im known for it. OCD has also made me believe Im just funny for the attention. Sometimes my body language and mannerisms can get a bit exaggerated, but never obnoxious and my ocd also tells me its because I’m trying to be cute or funny. I am shocked that this OCD stuff ever got ahold of me. It came in like a thief in the night and literally robbed me of my identity by telling me everything about me is bad.

@Diana 24 I can relate. I also want to be like before when I wasn’t holding myself under a microscope examining every meaning behind what Im doing, every intention, etc., every thought. I want to go back when I’d have joy and excitement in my life and never ever knew to question whether the things I was doing in life was for me or to “ohhhh & ahhhhh” everyone. Its like the memory part of my brain has been shut ofd and I cant remember if I actually did like decorating, cooking, baking, fashion, etc. I was such a fun person. Now Im an isolated, depressed, terribly anxious being because if Im around others, Im afraid Im fake.

@Diana 24 You do want to live. The brain wants to survive - ALWAYS. Do you have tik tok? If so, look up this woman named Lily Sais. Her page is amazing and I GUARANTEE you will think she is talking straight to you. Are you taking an SSRI? If not, reach out to your Dr. today. It will help you immensely. Do you take Xanax or Klonapin for anxiety, or any other anti anxiety meds? If not, get on one. Look up stories of people who completely got over OCD. TALK to your bf. Be honest. Tell him whats going on. Be open. That too will help you tremendously. You need lots of support and you deserve. You can and will get better.

@Diana 24 I am the same. Go check out that woman tik tok page. She use to suffer from terrible anxiety/ocd. She’s a psychologist and life coach now and you will find some relief. Get you some meds to help improve your mood. Reach out for help.

@bloominglotus Thank you so much. I too am sorry you’re dealing with this. This started in Aug for me, and where the problem lies for me is that I actually would have thoughts when I was putting out my Christmas decorations out, like, “I love how my yard looks the best on our street, or I want everyone to think we have the best decorated house.” Of course these are personal private thoughts that not a soul in the world knew and I didn’t really think about those thoughts. They were just always there. Same thing when I’d host thanksgiving. I wanted my table to be perfect and festive and I actually wanted people to admire me and wish they had the same decorating abilities, etc. It’s weird because Im actually a really nice person, very empathetic, sympathetic, etc. I go out of my way a lot for people but Im so bothered by the way I think about things. I didnt want to put any thanksgiving decor out this year becaaue I didnt want to have the thoughts of, “everyone is going to love this. This looks so nice. People are going to wish they had my house.” They’re just always these background thoughts and Im just so sorry I have them. I thought everyone thought that way.

@Scared1 I totally understand you. I have had thoughts like that. My family and I moved into a nicer house recently and we’ve felt proud because this is what we’ve wanted for years. Then all of a sudden I started getting thoughts if we had anyone over saying “I bet they wish they had our house.” I know I don’t think this way. I’m grateful to live where I do but I know it doesn’t make me better than anyone. I guess that’s what we have to remember is that we don’t really think these things. It doesn’t align with how we truly feel. I understand it can be very hard to let it pass and not let it bother you. I’m absolutely not an expert by any means, I haven’t seen a therapist yet. But if I had to give any advice I would say when you have a thought like that comes up and you can’t just let it pass, maybe try saying to yourself “I’m grateful to be able to make my house look so nice” It’s ok to feel proud and happy for what you have, and you know that you have good intentions in your heart. Decorate the way you want and don’t let your brain trick you into thinking you can’t enjoy it or feel good about it! Maybe people will love it, maybe they will be inspired by how you decorated. Maybe if you have guests over they will be impressed. That’s ok, because you know you did it because it makes you happy, not to shove it in anyone’s face. And it’s ok for you to feel excited to show other people how you decorated! I know I’m excited to decorate our front yard, and I hope it does make someone happy if they drive by.🙂 But I know no matter what my brain says, I’m doing it because it’s fun, not because I’m trying to one-up anyone.