Struggling with OCD makes me fear I've done something horrible as a parent.

It’s literally the worst feeling ever, not really knowing if something horrific happened, you’re not alone! It has made me want to curl up into a ball and never be talked to again. I’ve thought about just quitting my job, letting my husband take care of the kids, and leave me under a rock.

But you know nothing happened. Your ocd mind had just created a make believe scenario that would make you into something that you are unable to control or live at peace with. It is an obvious ocd because you are having a huge spike from it and it happens while you sleep leaving you unaware of reality. Just remember if it causes a spike, it’s ocd so don’t feed into it just treat it as irrelevant.

When it comes to your kids it is a whole new ball game of fear! I 100000% get this and you! Last night my 3 year old Came on the couch with me like he has his entire life and it’s our safe space … and immediately my mind said well he’s not safe or you could do something while he is asleep noones will Know he will Never know. I immediately was sick to my stomach and pooped alllll morning. I have been sick over it all day. I 10000% know I would never hurt my kids and nothing happened we were both asleep. As a mom this lady pure torture.

OCD is trying to hurt the most valuable and only thing you truly love most… remind yourself that’s why you have to fight harder and against it. I know it’s so hard ms

I kept asking my son questions and feel awful about that. He said he got a weird feeling in his private part from holding his tummy or something like that and I’m like was I fondling him and made him feel that way? Do you think we become like this sleeping or after having anything to drink? I never want to hurt my children! They are the most precious people in the world to me. The thought repulses me and I’m having a terrible time.

I am dealing with something awful related to this. I woke up next to my son several months ago, and the thought that I may have touched my son inappropriately went into me head. I prayed and asked for a sign it didn’t and had a dream that night that said “you didn’t do that hat you thought you did.” That was my sign and my relief, as I am a Christian. This started surfacing again a couple days ago. I asked my son if mommy had held him there and he said why would you do that but then said I did and even laid down and showed his hand cupped over his privates and indicated it happened for a while during a nap on his bed. He is 5. So then I kept on questioning him and told him he could have icecream if he told me the truth. Then it turned to I didn’t touch him. Then this morning I started again on it. He said I didn’t but then asked if he was in trouble or was going to get spankings (this is very rare). I assured him he could talk to me. He said I didn’t touch him there but held him on hos tummy. I asked why he said I did, and he said he thought I did and it felt weird on his tummy like it was his wiener. And he said said why would you do that? He promised it didn’t happen but looked away once when saying this. He got upset as I was questioning him. He said he just loves me. He wanted to draw and do homework. I asked if he made it up. He said no. He thought it happened “soon ago.” I can’t live with myself if I did something to him. He is my absolute world and I never want to harm him or his brother. I’ve been struggling with if I’ve done things to both. The fact my 5 year old laid down and described what I thought I did throws it all into a different awful situation.

I don’t want my son to feel uncomfortable after this or this to affect him for life. My boyfriend has reassured me over and over I didn’t do anything. I am about to lose him over this.

Thank you. Now I’m worried I affected my son and put thoughts in his head that shouldn’t have ever been there. When I was questioning him over and over he said he was scared.

Thank you.