- Date posted
- 1y
I played myself.
This passed weekend felt amazing. Nothing special but I felt normal. I actually convinced myself that my long nearly 4-month-episode was over. The intrusive thoughts and images were still coming but I didn’t get frozen in terror, I was able to actually enjoy little things like playing my Xbox and binge-watching YouTube videos. Until Sunday night, the backdoor spike struck. I just hate myself a bit right now for thinking it would be over that easily, I look in the mirror and I do wonder in my head, “will I ever see my old self again?” I once heard someone say that everyone has their own trial to battle in life, mine is just OCD. Well I don’t want this one, I want a different trial. I’m posting this because I feel isolated, OCD does really make you feel like your thoughts are your “true” self trying to emerge from years of trying to be someone else. OCD really does make you feel alone and like the worst person in the world. Worse than Dahmer, Gein, Gacy, why? Because like my mind always says to my soul, “you’re worse because you’re not locked up, they were, so they couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. You’re out here and who knows how many you will hurt.”