So I’m scared of my feelings and thoughts

I saw a vid of a customer slap the shiii out of an employee I don’t really know the whole context but ik she wanted her money back and she was yelling at the employee and the employee said that she wasn’t with that attitude she was having, and she slapped her and then I got so pissed bc if someone slapped me like that hell I would explode, but what lead to this was that I was imagining what I would do if I was the employee, which was slap her but then it escalated so quick to where I was imagining like worse harmful stuff so all ima say is that yk blood but then I was like whoa 😳 why did I think of that?? It went too far and I also felt like satisfaction from it when I imagined it but that made me so scared after when I realized what I was thinking and I’m just so scared of my feeling and myself, but OBVIOUSLY I’m not gonna act out like god Jesus no but i just felt that way and it lead up to it so fast and I don’t think this is ocd if I’m thinking violently like this 😭😭 I think I need help bc I really feel like my mind is being slowly corrupted man :/ I wasn’t like this before I realized I was sexually abused as a kid and even emotionally bc I felt played by them and then this whole intrusive thoughts started happening for like 1-2 maybe and now this is where I am 🙂🥲🤦🏽‍♀️

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

Try not to add meaning to all of your thoughts. You thought it just because. We can think things without them having any meaning but the problem is OCD won't allow that. I'm sorry this bothers you so much

Brynnie Bear

Date posted: 1y

I’m sorry about what you are dealing with. Remember that a thought is just a thought it is not real I had a terrible thought this evening but it doesn’t mean that I’m acting on it in any way

tayanominous

Date posted: 23w

Did I act on the thoughts?

I worry people might get the wrong idea when I share this but I must post it because I’m scared so basically this is gonna sound weird but I have always sorta been a violent kid but in a normal way if that makes sense like if someone tris over I would find the ridiculously funny but what kinda confuses me is when loved ones hurt themselves I laugh it’s not like I’m putting it on idk I just randomly laugh and i find funny please don’t think I’m a bad person because I’m really not and I’m scared abt this but that’s not the point of this story so I will get to the pint now so basically I was walking upstairs and I hit my head on the door and my mum laughed at me and I said “its not funny I hit my head” and she said something else that made me angry I can’t remember and then I started to charge at her like I was gonna hit her or something and it scared me cuz I wanted to push her or something ( not harmful just like as a back off kinda thing) which I know it’s horrible writing it out but then while I had that urge to push it her or something I also got a groinal so then OCD was like ”you were gonna s3xualy attack just then and you liked it” and now I’m to scared to go near her just in case it happens again cuz I’ve been in a spiral for days now, again please don’t tell me I’m a bad person cuz I already feel like that cuz writing it out it sounds worse then it is irl im sorry if this was triggering and please reply and tell me your thoughts on this.

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 18w

What is this?

Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. Rn I was not even super annoyed at my neice but I felt a twinge of annoyance since she went up to my face and was yelling at me while I was resting on the bed and I got this image of doing something bad to her and I felt my hand twitch very little. I got nervous and felt relieved when her dad told her to stop screaming for no reason. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering???) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back??? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't know bc what do these twitches mean?, I do know I don't want to ever act out but it's so scary. Recently whenever I feel angry once the argument is over I cry really bad after I'm alone and I pray so i never want or act out. And when the annoyance passes I also feel so guilty and want to stay away. Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent urges or impulses and i also tend to ask chatgpt or here if the anxiety gets so bad 😕

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So I’m scared of my feelings and thoughts

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