- Date posted
- 1y
Thinking I was abused/assaulted!What OCD is this?
So a couple weeks ago I was sleeping and laying by mom and she accidentally touched/squeezed my boob twice like at two different times or twice in a row and I talked to her about it and I moved past it like never thought about it again and then the other night I was laying by my mom again and she squeezed or touched my boob and I’ve been obsessing over it ever since and I even talked to her about it and she said it was an accident and she would never hurt me. But I’m upset because I feel and and think “she touched you on purpose” or “shes bad” “she sexually assaulted you” and I don’t wanna feel this way about her but for the last few days I’ve been obsessing and researching because i don’t know what to call this and I have severe ocd as it is. I mean I can convince myself of anything literally. I thought I liked my mom in a sexual way before like I had a crush on her. Anyways it’s really distressing and yesterday I was crying about it while hugging my mom’s sweatshirt because I love her so much. It feels like there’s a voice in my head telling me that my mom is dangerous and that she touched me on purpose. I don’t want to feel scared of her or uncomfortable around her, it makes me upset. I would not be here if it wasn’t for my mom. She has never done anything to hurt me and she’s a teacher. I love her so much and I just don’t understand why I can’t believe her when she said it was an accident when touching or squeezing my boob. I’ve always been comfortable changing around my mom or if I think there’s something wrong with my private areas like my vagina I’ll show her because I worry a lot and need someone to tell me it’s ok. Also this is really tmi but when I was younger I had some issues with my vagina like yeast infections and my brain is telling me I was 10-13 during this time because I knew I was older but I’m not sure what age, anyway my mom would Check my priv area and apply cream for me or use q-tips to get like white stuff out of my vagina. IM SORRY THIS IS TMI BUT I FELT I NEED TO SHARE TO EXPLAIN IM SORRY. Anyways I have never ever thought twice about this stuff but now my brain feels like it’s pulling out past memories as evidence to say my mom is bad and dangerous and that she’s sexually abusive. I even talked to my mom and she said she did that stuff to take care of me and my body especially my vagina. Why can’t I believe her? Again I never thought of this memory until now. I have never thought my mom is dangerous, I’ve always been comfortable around her and I’m 19 so why is this happening now? I’m just upset because I love her so much and would not be here if it wasn’t for her she’s my bestfriend. I just can’t get rid of these thoughts and feelings that she’s dangerous and bad and sexually abusive. I love her so much and she even told me she would never hurt me and her touching and squeezing my boob was an accident. Why am I not believing her or why am I feeling and thinking this way?!😫🥺😢😭