- Date posted
- 1y
How does OCD do this?
I’m 35. Up until I was 25, I had no doubt what my sexuality was. I was clearly only interested in women. Had relationships and fantasised nightly. One day I had the thought “do I feel enough for my partner”… instantly lost libido, consumed by anxiety and this need to know “why”. Eventually in my obsessive figuring out “why” the next thought came in “you are gay”. My world has been shrunk to just this issue. Every waking hour this sits in my mind. It’s like overnight my mind went from normal to me being convinced I must be gay. I’m forever battling the feeling of denial, the checking, sick with anxiety that it’s true and I’ll have to hurt my wife. It’s like I’m not allowed to feel anything but anxiety/fear/impending doom. My mind gets so convinced it’s true. I’ve never had any attraction or natural attraction to men. But my mind is convinced and it’s killing me. It’s telling me I am something I don’t want to be. But then that’s denial right? What is the difference? How do you get to 25, never having any thoughts about this, then out of the blue, a thought about lost feelings overnight turns into 10 years of this? Help