Existential OCD

For the past week-ish I have been having a really scary existential crisis that feels like it is stemming from ocd. It started with me being freaking out that i’m going to die one day, then it merge into me being freaked out about what was going to happen after I die (mostly the thought of nothingness). I found some very brief relief in some spiritual beliefs and watching psychic medium readings but then I started think about even bigger and harder to answer questions such as, “if there is a God, who created God?”, “Is the afterlife scary?”, “Could the afterlife end one day?” “What is the point of anything at all?”, “Will the sun exploding destroy whatever afterlife exist?” Really ridiculous questions. I truly believe that there is something after death and something that exists as a life force science cannot explain, but the fact that my mind can’t comprehend or figure it out is really really scary. I feel as if I am going crazy. I have been thinking about nothing but the universe and the meaning behind it all and where it all came from. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I just want to lay in bed all day and even that is hard. I have been non-stop watching videos about people’s beliefs about this topic trying desperately to find some sort of answer and I am starting to think that may be a compulsion. I am trying my best to remind myself that I when I die I will have all the answers to these questions and I don’t need to worry about this right now because it truly doesn’t affect anything or change anything in my life but it is really hard. I feel as if I have “uncovered” something and my life will never return to normal again. I am terrified that I am going to go crazy or start having hallucinations and that I’ve ruined my life by researching into something so complex and not understandable at all. Any kind of suggestions or anything would be helpful, I hate dealing with this and feeling so crazy and hopeless.

Username: acrawford23acrawford23

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m going through the same thing. It is a really uncomfortable feeling. I try to keep as busy as I can and that usually helps until I try to relax then it’s a never ending cycle again. ☹️

Username: reaganmariereaganmarie

Date posted: 1y ago

@acrawford23 seriously feels like a never ending cycle. I’ll have a few hours where I feel good and then it all comes rushing back and it just goes on and on. In the few hours where I feel good I have moments of clarity and realize that I’m being ridiculous but it doesn’t change how soul crushing the bad times feel. :(

Username: wfdnashwfdnash

Date posted: 1y ago

Stop watching videos and go outside. Help someone else. Take the focus off of your self.

Username: aka_momoaka_momo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Wow, I am literally going through something almost exactly the same. I had a whole meltdown over all of this, and even began researching different faiths to possibly go into, despite knowing I am Atheist and I was just having an OCD attack. I talked to my trusted and vetted loved ones about this and I had to learn the hard way with my OCD that we simply will just never know. This is the one definite thing my OCD will never get absolute certainty on. The afterlife, God(s), and everything with it will never be truly understood. And instead of paying attention to my thoughts about life after death, I need to stop letting it ruin this life I have now. Best advice: stop looking at videos. It makes it 10x worse. Go talk to someone you trust about this (make sure they're someone who knows about OCD). Yeah, we're all going to die someday, and we truly won't know what happens until we get there. As did our ancestors. It is the circle of life. So live this life! Go outside, get off the internet, and think. This is a topic that many people do indeed struggle with -- both OCD sufferers and not. It is okay to be uncertain and a little unnerved about what happens after death. I would be concerned if someone didn't have that uncertainty at least once in their life -- it's natural for humans to be freaked out a bit about it. But don't let these intrusive thoughts control you. Easier said than done, I know. Work on sitting with that uncertainty and letting it fade. I hope this helps, this was hard for me to word.

Username: reaganmariereaganmarie

Date posted: 1y ago

@aka_momo It’s sooo hard. I’m trying everything I can do to just accept the fact that I don’t and won’t ever know until I get there but it’s so hard to accept. I just keep trying to remind myself that even if I knew these things it wouldn’t really change anything in my day-to-day life. I’m trying to stop watching videos around it but I feel like no matter what I do I am still thinking about it. I really hope this gets better, I want my life back. Thank you

Username: aka_momoaka_momo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@reaganmarie I feel you. The stopping of videos, articles, and posts is a step forward. Slowly cut out more and more compulsion. A tip is to write them down and acknowledge them. I still worry about it, but I just sit with it. It's uncomfortable at first but it slowly ebbs away. The thoughts will never fully be gone, but we can cope with them and work through them. You can do this!

Username: Rebecca p Rebecca p

Date posted: 1y ago

I don't have any suggestions for you. I also have deal with this kind of ocd. I read a lot of books about life after death did a lot of searching for the answers to the universe.. this was not helpful for me in the long run. My husband died 21 years ago and that's kind of when my ocd started to really get into looking for reassures. That there was an afterlife and visitations and looking for signs from him. There is a whole lot out there to read, watch and research but unfortunately it can be contradictory and my ocd needed constant reassurance and grief compounded the ocd symptoms. I went down a huge rabbit whole and became very ill 🤒 at the time I had not been diagnosed with ocd yet. It is a compulsion and I am trying to work on the uncertainty of it all..

Username: reaganmariereaganmarie

Date posted: 1y ago

@Rebecca p This is a very difficult theme to deal with because of the fact that it is so unknown. I hope we both get through this 🫶

Username: jenagade

Date posted: 5y ago

Not looking for reassurance, just venting about how stupid OCD gets. Having a wild time with existential OCD at the moment. It started with me obsessing about what is going on in other people's minds. Not that I want to know what they are thinking, just how they are thinking - what it's like inside a head without OCD, is it quieter? Is that why other people like daydreaming and getting lost in thought? Then all of that philosophising lead me down a bad path and now my OCD is trying really hard to convince me that nothing exists outside my line of sight, the horizon is just an elaborate drawing and behind it is a black void. Obviously I know that's just ridiculous but it's hard not to feel like I'm losing my mind when I know that there is a world beyond my current line of sight but my OCD brain is trying it's hardest to convince me that there's not. Usually when existential obsessions come up it's because I'm going through a major life event but that's not the case right now so it beats me why this particular brand of obsessions has made an appearance again. Oh well.

Username: Blake K.

Date posted: 2y ago

Going through existential ocd

Hey everyone, this is my first post here and I just have to get stuff off my chest. It started so randomly and so recently. I (21 m) came to accept my morality and my death at a fairly young age following watching 'UP' and my grandfather passed away. But a youtube video talking about a character struggle with their death as part of a character arc, that one line made my mind fall into a rabbit hole on death, what is death, what's after death, what's life, it's meaning, is there a God, what am I doing with my life, what do I want to do? And is it worthwhile? I felt like I like was slowly disconnecting from reality and that nothing was worth it. My interest like guitar, combat sports, pro wrestling and video games didn't bring me comfort. I've even have trouble eating, just two bites of a chicken sandwich felt like 30 bites. I've just keep thinking about my life and my inevitable death and I couldn't focus on anything else. I think it's because I feel like I'm at a war with my mind, people say life is to short and at the same time to not rush it. I am a Christian and I do believe in an after life of peace but I question what's real and what's not and I don't ever feel happy. Is anyone else going through what I'm feel I really need help.

Username: TechnoRecord

Date posted: 45w ago

Existential OCD please help

I really need help. I’m suffering from existential ocd and I want to hear experience from those who are suffering from the same thing. I don’t feel real. I dont feel like I’m really here and if I am I dont really see the point in doing anything if I’m just going to die. I hate this feeling of feeling like I shouldn’t do anything at all because I’m gonna die and it’s gonna be erased anyway. I hate this. I cant stand this and I should be grateful for my life because there others that will never experience it. But it’s becoming dreadful and I feel like I’m going crazy. I feel sick. This feels worst than my other themes. I hate it so much.

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