Am I a loser? Am I disgusting?

Whenever my mom thinks I’m trying to argue on purpose, that makes me think “what if I am?” “What if I’m just a baby who can’t take what she said”. I feel scared. I just disagreed with her when she told me not to wash my clothes with my work clothes because they’ll smell bad and I disagreed because she’s never said a word about this for years but two years before she told me not to wash them separately because that’s wasting electricity. So, her shutting me down by saying “don’t argue with me” makes no sense to me but at the same I feel like “does this make sense though? What if I’m just an asshole to her?” Then before she got irritated with me when I was about to throw away expired lemonade but she was the one who yelled at me by saying “if you’re not having it just throw it away!” Like I honestly don’t know what she wants me to do anymore!!!!! Sometimes when changes their mind or something, I keep feeling like “what if I’m schizophrenic and I just thought that had happened” or “what if I’m crazy” or “why am I upset by this? What if they didn’t change their mind and I’m just thinking something else” My parents getting irritated with me makes me feel like I’ve done so much wrong and I end up losing my motivation but that makes me feel even more gross because I’m not bothering to wash the dishes now..

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I understand those feelings. That happens to me too a lot. I'll have family members talks to me in a way that almost feels "manipulating" in a sense, for lack of a better word. For example, I'll be talking to them about something, the conversation will get sort of argumentative, and then I'll need a break because I'll just be getting mad and there won't be any positive coming out of the conversation, but when I try to take a break to calm down, they'll try to make me keep listening to them because "it's not fair to them"

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey! Thanks for sharing! May I ask, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. But, where do you find your value? Like complete this sentence: I am valuable because __________________

Username: IshilIshil

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Someone99 I really just want to feel like I’m a good person but when a small thing happens, I obsess over it and I feel like a bad person because I would forget what my intention is or what I actually feel. I didn’t sleep well or eat well because of this. I started getting nauseous later

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Ishil OCD does that to us. Hyper focus on something, usually minor, and try to figure it out. ERP therapy helped me realize what I was doing and how to stop doing it. It's possible to retrain the way we think.

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 1y ago

hey, i totally get how confusing and tough it can be when you feel like you're getting mixed messages, especially from someone as close as your mom. it can really mess with your head, making you second-guess your actions and intentions. i suffer from pure o and even though my obsessions are different, that relentless doubt and the 'what ifs' are something i'm really familiar with. it's rough, and i'm here to listen if you need to vent or talk it out. about that ai ocd therapy tool, "unstuck" (www.AIOCDtool.com), i think it could be a game-changer for you. my therapist put me onto it, and considering the way you're getting tangled up in your thoughts, it might offer some guidance. it's all about helping you step back from the overwhelm when ocd is kicking into overdrive. you just type in what's bugging you, and it walks you through the process, kinda like having an ocd therapist in your pocket. i know app promotions can be annoying – i'm not about that life either 😅 – but this one's been a lifesaver for me, and i genuinely believe it could make a difference for you. no pressure, though. if you've got questions or wanna know more about how it's helped me, i'm all ears. hang in there, we're in this together. 🌟

Username: justsomone1

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel insane. is this schizophrenia?

sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror and picturing me a scary images. I’ve never heard voices or anything like that but I was just cleaning and I had all my jeans laid out on the floor and someone convinced me that they were watching me like it sounds so crazy idk how to explain I’m just crying because I feel so insane and detached from reality

Username: love_fnv

Date posted: 1y ago

Mental Arguments/Contradictory Thoughts Leading to Doubt

Does anyone else experience arguments in their head when it comes to their thoughts? I find that I'm constantly going back and forth when I have compulsions, where two sides of my brain will argue with each other. I may argue "logically" against the fears I may have, but then I'll remember some past event or something I've done in the past that will lead me to believe otherwise. It's a chaotic cycle I'm trying to deal with, but I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this/has ideas pertaining to getting out of it? It really messes with my head after a while, because I feel like the side of my brain that is telling me I'm a bad person almost always wins. Every time I try to reassure myself by addressing the fact that my thoughts are unwanted and irrational, I feel like more rational proof of me being a terrible person comes rushing into my head.

Username: batswithbootson

Date posted: 1y ago

Really just need some support right now

I always think I'm "wrong" or I'm going to be punished for something. For anything or any mistakes I've made even though most of them were years ago. For example, if I got into an argument with someone, or vented to the wrong person about something going on, I feel like I'm just a bad awful person. And that's just not true. I know a lot of this is a perfectionistic mindset and I just never know what to do or think about it. I try to redirect my thoughts but that's getting harder and harder to do. My home life isn't perfect and it seems like whenever someone is upset it's always my job to fix it or try to fix the situation. I try not to control the situation, I just try to be reassuring and do what I can to fix things but that seems like it isn't enough, either. I'm just worn down and broken down. And I'm tired. I battle my own mind every day and it just feels like I'm not getting anywhere.

Perfectionism OCD

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Am I a loser? Am I disgusting?

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