emilytravelswild

Date posted: 1y

OCD causing debilitating fear

Does your them cause you so much despair that you get terrified to your bones? Mine is health OCD, and I’m always worried that I’ve missed a symptom and it’s some stage 4 something. The OCD is also really tied to PTSD for me from my mom passing of cancer. Since June, I’ve thought I had breast cancer, colon cancer and now gallbladder cancer. If I feel the slightest twinge by my right rib, I absolutely FREAK out. As I type this, I can see that it’s the OCD latching on to something else, but to me it feels SO REAL. That THIS TIME, it WILL be cancer. The distress makes me physically ill and causes me to constantly have a full bladder. Whenever I start to fall asleep, I wake up in a full panic gasping for air as I remember this fear. I am really having a hard time coping rn and am finding that I’m telling myself I’m safe. I know it’s a compulsion but omg, I’m a 10/10 right now, borderline panic attack and it just wont go down. I don’t know what else to do?

nate01

Date posted: 1y

Not knowing what to do is a major issue with ocd. As someone who has done erp for a while. I would say accept the uncertainty. You might get colon cancer you may get breast cancer. You might be sick.

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I spent 35 years doing this, now I'm 63 and I've had enough. I started in my 20s, I thought I had to be so careful about my health after all, I had a young daughter and I couldn't bear the thought of not being here for her. It would be totally irresponsible of me to not be hyper vigilant, checking everything, etc. The problem is, if you keep doing compulsions (anything to relieve uncertainty) it won't go away on its own, it will only get worse. I was so afraid of missing something, being irresponsible, dying, that I actually wasn't "present" a lot for my family. My mom recently passed away, where was I, in my head doing compulsions. OCD will rob us of the lives we are so desperately trying to protect. It takes time and practice, but feel these feelings, feel the fear, the panic and don't engage with it. Allow it all to be there while you live the life you have now. You don't have to have a master plan. Get up, do what you value, no matter how you feel. Every time a thought, sensation comes to mind, note it, but keep moving on with your life. Recovery is difficult, it takes time and practice, but it does get better. Every time you resist engaging with the thoughts, resist a compulsion, you are retraining your brain. I was listening to a podcast with Kelly Renee on health anxiety. She said a therapist told her to get better, you have to be willing to die. I know that's extreme, but that's what I did too, I eventually said, that's it, I will do what my doctors tell me. I decided to treat the problem I did have (OCD) and deal with any other health issues if and when they occurred.

emilytravels...

Date posted: 1y

@VGH Wow this is so so helpful! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can relate so much to this. I’m 39 and seem to go through a huge relapse every 10 years that takes me a solid year to drag myself out of. But you’re so right. I’m not being present and OCD is robbing me of the life I’m trying so hard to protect. Yesterday was the worst day I’ve had in months. But I got through it and I’ve learned from it. I was feeding the beast which means I can choose to starve it next time. All I can do is make sure I go to my preventative and regular appointments. Any obsessing over symptoms or what ifs is just stopping me from living. Thank you again. You’ve given me such a gift by sharing.

nate01

Date posted: 1y

@emilytravelswild Can I ask you for advice

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@emilytravelswild Yes, that’s the attitude, reach out anytime❤️

nate01

Date posted: 1y

@VGH If you got rejected and can’t stop thinking about it how would u do erp for that

emilytravels...

Date posted: 1y

@nate01 That’s a great question. I’m not an erp expert yet by any means, but let’s figure this out. What is the intrusive thought that comes up for you about this rejection? I’m just guessing but is it that you aren’t good enough? Or you didn’t do something right? From there we can help you figure out how to practice ERP with it.

nate01

Date posted: 1y

@emilytravelswild That’s the thing. The only compulsion I can think of is thinking about it. I can’t quite find the fear other than a fear of rejection

emilytravels...

Date posted: 1y

@nate01 Well don’t downplay the compulsion. Thinking about it (ruminating) is one of the most difficult compulsions because it’s so hard to just stop thinking. This is the main compulsion I have as well.

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@nate01 Hi to you both, I agree with @emilytravelswild, understanding the role of rumination in staying stuck in the OCD loop is key. The point of ERP is to practice exposing yourself to the thing that causes you to do compulsions. Once you expose yourself and the urges to do compulsions come, the response prevention needs to occur. It is a planned exercise that allows you the benefit of not getting caught off guard (as often happens in daily life) and falling into compulsions without realizing it. I have been rejected in the past, I understand the hurt and the desire to figure it all out ❤️. When I was in a similar situation, the thoughts/feelings popped in my brain constantly (I really think it’s a kind of grief we go through). I didn’t do exposures, where I planned an ERP exercise, I noted the thought and the horrible feelings that accompanied it, and then I moved on with my day, doing something I valued, something that was important to me. Every time another thought/feeling came to mind, I’d do the same thing, redirect to what was right in front of me. It was painful for sure, there were many tears. It takes time and practice but if I truly didn’t engage with the narrative in my head, the thoughts came less and less. I suppose I didn’t feel the need to do a planned exposure, because the thing I would purposely be exposing myself to to practice resisting the urges was already constantly happening. Resisting the urges is key, and that’s your response prevention. Sorry you’re going through this, it’s never a pleasant experience, I’m hoping you’re doing ok❤️

Rumpelgoocher

Date posted: 1y

My heart goes out to you. Remember every panic attack eventually comes to an end. All you have to do right now is accept it. Let it be there. You will be ok dear, much more than ok <3

emilytravels...

Date posted: 1y

@Rumpelgoocher Thank you 🥺

tomhyland

Date posted: 23w

disease obsessions

hello. i have been going through health scare obsessions for at least 5 years now and it terrifies me. i mainly fear of cancer. i have no reason to fear of cancer because it is not a predominant condition in my family. i have been to check ups for skin cancer and been told it was nothing which relieves me for a short period of time but then i start thinking of other cancer possibilities :( it doesn’t help that im a smoker to deal with the stress of adhd and ocd which just fuels the obsession of lung cancer. i know it would help my fear to stop smoking but thats easier said than done. i have only been a smoker for 3 years and its the only thing that helps right now. on top of this, my brain makes me believe that every intrusive thought i have WILL MANIFEST into existence just from thinking about it! this has scared me so much in the last 5 years and once i told my mum about it and she said "if you ever got cancer we would deal with it, its okay" but that didnt help it just made it worse and the possibility become more scarier! please help me.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 22w

panicking so bad

I want to rip out my uterus. Only my hormones can make my OCD and ability to manage it go back to square one. I am spiraling *so* hard. I cannot breathe. My PMDD is going crazy. I’m having a panic attack again. I feel so scared. The POCD is going absolutely insane right now. It feels undeniably real, and my mind keeps drifting to those awful thoughts and what feels like exploring them?? but I can’t for the life of me stop some of these compulsions right now. I was trying to watch something to get my mind off of this but ended up getting triggered twice, so my anxiety is a 10 and I can’t seem to calm down. This panic attack is tuned all the way up.

Niamh182

Date posted: 16w

Bowel / colon cancer fear

Hi all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here but i have thankfully been getting better with my Health OCD and haven’t felt the need to come on here, however I’ve fallen back into the trap and can’t even function without panicking and worrying at the minute! I was very stressed a few weeks ago over life scenarios when I started seeing a lot of signs and symptoms of colon cancer in young people on social media, I didn’t think too much of it. However of course a few days later I start having the symptoms! Sore stomachs, constipation etc. I have been so worried, I went to my doctor and got constipation medication for a week which I took but since stopping I have the same symptoms and more and I am worried so much everyday I’ve been hyper aware of my bowel movements! I have even been trying to force myself to go when I feel like I don’t really need to which in turn has caused haemorrhoids and some blood, which has made me even more anxious!! (Note: my partner actually thinks I’m going to the bathroom a normal amount and am not even really constipated anymore but I’m convinced I am) I feel like I’m going crazy and no one seems to think my worries are rational - can OCD/ anxiety impact your bowel movements and stomach? I’ve never really had this and I’m petrified of it, I hope someone else has had this scenario before and has came out the other side (edited)

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OCD causing debilitating fear

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