Jay222

Date posted: 1y

Ocd reaction

How do I react? I don’t know how I react. This morning the thoughts have gone insane and I had really bad groinal responses and I just felt…nothing. I felt too tired and exhausted to do anything about it except just sit there not wanting any of these thoughts or sensations. But why would my body react that way to something like that? Why am I not worried enough? Why am I not caring enough about any of it? Shouldn’t I be in distress and freaking out right now? All of it won’t stop and it’s like it’s all normal and I just can’t bring myself to do anything. What does that indicate about who I am and what may or may not be wrong with me? I’m so fucking tired of caring and worrying about any of this at all. When will I just accept that it’s OCD or just the one thing I REALLY REALLY hope it’s not?? Please. I can’t keep doing this.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I'm very sorry you're going through this. I can relate because I went through it at your age. No one knows why these feelings occur, other than it's caused by malware in our brains. It's not a true indication of who you are, it's just OCD. Smoke and mirrors. The reason why you felt nothing may be because you're going through habituation. If you stay on a mental treadmill long enough you become inured to it and feel nothing. In proper circumstances, it's not a bad thing. Are you in therapy with a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy? What you're going through is treatable, but it's very, very hard to do it by yourself. You need a trained coach in your corner. NOCD has many great ones and you can request a free consultation. Hope this helps.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! I have an appointment on the 22nd. I’m just tired of feeling/thinking it’s real and it’s who I am

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 - You will learn that it's not you, just OCD. You'll also learn that it's not the content that matters, it's how you react to it. Thoughts are thoughts are thoughts. They are not threats or actions, only thoughts. And that goes for their byproducts-feelings, urges and images. Just thoughts.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! I’ve also seen that ruminating is a compulsion too. Is that a reaction, if that’s what I’ve been doing?

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 - I'm not a trained therapist, only someone who has been dealing with OCD much of my life. In my mind, rumination is more of the payoff for OCD, in that the content of the thought triggers the anxiety and the need for resolution, which is how OCD gets us on its rumination treadmill. The thought/feeling, etc., is so disturbing that we spend all our time trying to find reassurance that we're not this monster OCD is suggesting. The truth is OCD is a liar and the very fact that we find these thougths so abhorrent and upsetting suggests that we are not the monster OCD portrays us to be. You will learn that you can'r reason with OCD; you can only stay in the present (what am I doing or not doing NOW) and stay in uncertainty ( I accept the uncertainty that in the future I may or may not do this horrible thing, because I don't know the future AND NEITHER DO YOU, OCD). Learning to stay in the present and stay in uncertainty are two ERP tools that, over time, take away OCD's mojo. I state OVER TIME, becaus it takes time and training, since at the beginning it's counterintuitive. At the beginng, we are all looking for absolute certainty that the vile thougth will never happen. This waters OCD's garden and only makes things worse. You are going to begin therapy. Please know that things may get worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better, so long as you work at it. This disorder will throw everything it can at you to keep you on its rumination treadmill. Stay the course, listen to your therapist and learn the ERP tools. If you therapist doesn's use ERP you ma want to find another therapist who does use it. It's considered to be the gold standard for OCD therapy and I know first-hand that it works. Is this helping you any?

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! It is thank you

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 - Great, please feel free to contact me at any time throughout your therapy journey.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! Thank you. And I lied no I don’t feel better or that it helped. Like I appreciate you being here and helping me but the thoughts I get aren’t of me doing anything it’s how I may or may not feel towards them. How do I deal with that? It feels too real and idk what to do.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 - It's the same deal. It's like, "No, I'm not going to do it but do I want to?" Jay, it's the same treadmill, just a different twist. You'll learn that the best antidote is to say to yourself, "Maybe I do, maybe I don't, but I'm not doing it now, I'm not plotting to do it and I always have a choice. I'll worry about it if the situation ever presents itself." Then, stay off the treadmill! Yep, you'll feel like crap for awhile but sitting in discomfort and not giving into rumination makes you stronger. And the episode WILL pass. Trust me. What you're experiencing is not unusual to people with OCD. Very common. OCD attacks what and who you value and what you fear. Don't be afraid to stand up to the bully.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! But I’m not having bad thoughts of doing anything. My POCD is based on if I find THAT sexually attractive or not. I know I’d never do that, but just because I know I wouldn’t doesn’t mean I might feel some way towards it that I don’t want to.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 - Jay, it's the same thing. It's called the What-ifs, and its cousins AM I, WOULD I, COULD I... Again, this is not unusual, particularly with your current OCD theme.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! Even when the thoughts aren’t always the same and happen like…24/7?

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 - It's classic OCD. Been there, had that, still do sometimes, but I now know how to treat it. With therapy, they will diminish to a point where they're more like a spot in your rearview mirror instead of an obstruction in the road. Then, you can go on to enjoy your life.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! God I hope so

malolin_21

Date posted: 24w

I think I lose my ability to experience reaction

So I’ve noticed that since my ocd started, every time I see something that triggers me like I can’t feel anything. For example, if I saw a case about a woman who murdered her kids I literally feel like I shoulf feel worse or something and sometimes the reaction comes after the rumination: What are you feeling? Do you feel bad enough? check body sensations, emotions etc… it’s scares me. Has anyone else had experience this?

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

so tired cant even act or react

do you ever get so tired and used to all of this that you dont even want to react to the thoughts or do the compulsions… like, i had a talk with my boyfriend he tried to make a “talk therapy “ with me maybe i will do a post about that and i felt better after talking with him (since i have rocd amd he wants to help me) and ofc i still have some thoughts and a bad feeling in me but i dont want to act on my thoughts or give them atention bc im so over this. is it normal reaction??? am i faking my ocd???

Vee <3

Date posted: 13w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Ocd reaction

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community