so im suffering from suicidal OCD. its so exhausting just to let them sit in my mind wondering around. it made me depressed. i use to to so afraid, confused, panic and so much anxiety spike. today im feeling numb to all those feelings. its getting into my core believe..there is still resistance thats why im so tired. not 1sec i could distract my self. everywhere i go i feel like its the last place that i will ever visit.

When you get these suicidal thoughts, what do you do ? Do you reassure yourself that you’ll never do it or try really hard not to think about it ? If so that’s what causing so much distress. I have suicidal ocd , but it barely bothers me anymore bc when I get the thought of killing myself , instead of thinking I won’t do it or try to distract myself I instead think of ways I would do it and research people who killed themselves. I do anything that will spike my anxiety until my body gets use to the thought and anxiety. It’s basically ERP I’m no expert so I suggest finding a therapist who specializes in ERP. The trick isn’t to forget the thought , the trick is to let it stop affecting you so much. Desensitization is key

@Danz intrusive thoughts generally come from a deep belief somewhere inside you that you highly value. For people who value religion highly, they may experience thoughts of going to hell. In your case you clearly value living ? your intrusive thought revolves around suicide. To every thought like this that bothers OCD sufferers is a flip side core value. I can’t reiterate how important it is to understand YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. you are you, who loves life, enjoys doing shit and having fun. Don’t expect to be fixed in a day, but take baby steps to get better (talk to a professional and your friends). I have had similar experiences before, and hope this helps x

@Danz don’t chase happiness, chase things that hold your attention and inadvertently make you happy. Dwelling on thoughts will not make you happy, dwell on your hobbies and relationships with people x

@redmax, what are some of the exposures you used for these type of obsessions? I’ve been doing imaginal scripting but my therapist wants me to do more in vivo exposures and I have no idea what to put on that hierarchy.

Like suicidal ocd , I would just think of the ways I do or I would read about celebrities that have done it. That would really give me a lot of anxiety I would try to avoid the news so I wouldn’t find out someone committed. But doing ERP I googled all celebrities who committed suicide until it bored me. Great example of it working just happened , Mac Miller just died from overdose, that would have made me feel so much anxiety and obsess over the thought of maybe that happening to me (and I don’t even do drugs) lol but now it barely affected me I was just sad for him, R.I.P. mac miller

Thank you so much for your response! They all sound like great ideas. Many of the things you mentioned are exactly the same kinds of things I avoid. I’m going to read about a celebrity suicide with my therapist as I feel like that is going to be very difficult, but I think googling and reading about it in general is a great place to start.

@RedMax thank you so much for the idea. i used to freak out when i see the word suicide. i’ve been avoiding it. from now on im going to add reading about it as exposure.

@RedMax Hey Bro thx for the sharing. the problem here is. its all over my main focuz now. its difficult for me to shift my focuz to anywhere. its already my default. i know we dont have to stop it but to provoke the mind instead, but by doing it wont we feel the urge to really do it? i dont feel any anxiety now. its like my body is surrendering to the thoughts. my mind have no feeling of adrenalin flow. just tired..its like ok..fuck it..u win..but somehow still worried.

im scared it will bring me to depression stage..and eventually..

Ways I would do it*

@Benjamine thanks for the advise brother..i really needed this. Do u have some idea for me to add in my exposure? my obsession is intentionally bungee jumping out my balcony without safety rope.

I have the same obsession guys and now I'm worried that it's not OCD and that maybe I actually am at risk because I feel exhausted ?

Some of the exposures I’ve done have included scripting, reading about suicide prevention, and just yesterday my therapist had me watch a YouTube video in her office about a guy who was a suicide survivor. Trust me, it sucks and the exposures are awful when you are going through them but I really am starting to see results. When I used to hear the word suicide alarm bells would go off in my head and I would have a level 10 panic attack, but the therapy is helping and it will work for you too. You’ve got this!