- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey Maureen, I hope you’re okay it sounds like things are hard at the moment. I think L22 is right, you should talk to your therapist (do you have one at the moment?) about it first and tell them how you are feeling. Mental health can make you feel like you need to push other people away to protect them, but you’re not selfish if you stay with him. He is his own person and will know for himself if he wants to be with you - you don’t need to make that decision for him. Also, just remember that you are experiencing a really distressing mental illness and your loved ones will want to be there for you ? sending best wishes x
- Date posted
- 5y
Your mind may tell you that you are a burden because of your mental health struggles, but it is not true. Mental health may be a challenge, but it doesnt make you less worthy of love. Social support and love are things we need in our lives, and it sounds like he means so much to you. My advice is don’t give up on yourself. There is alot of treatment and support out there. I cannot advise on whether you should or shouldnt be with him, but I would recommend that you speak with a therapist if you can before making that big decision because maybe a professional could provide another perspective that you havent considered. Id also say, give your partner a chance to have an input. Does he understand what youre going through and how hard it is for you? If you both want to be together, but mental health is the only thing getting in the way, thats a perfect thing to speak to a therapist about!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you all of you. In a moment of weakness I did send him that message and his exact response was "This is silly talk. I'm not having it! Everything is okay sweetie. This is just a bump in the road", and then he called and we talked for a bit and I feel a lot better. But yes you guys are all right I need to talk to my therapist about this, and I have been. She recommended this CBT book called "Mind Over Mood" that I bought months ago, and am finally going to crack on and start reading it tonight. On a side note. Thank you to all of you for your support. This little community we have here is tremendous help to knowing we're all fighting the same battle. Knowing people who truly understand what you're going through and are there to listen is everything <3
- Date posted
- 5y
Don't, I did it once, and it made everything worse, if he loves you enough, he will help you going through this, and you will love him too, because if that happens, that's pure love! You would be selfish for ending that love and breaking your lover's heart.
- Date posted
- 5y
OCD makes me feel like I'm a monster that has already hurt him because of my false memories. I know I won't be happy without him, but aren't I being selfless by setting him free?
- Date posted
- 5y
Okay so maybe if you really wanna go through with this. Ask for a break? I doubt that might the best thing to do but if you think it’ll help you. Just ask for a break and make him Understand that it’s just your thoughts.
- Date posted
- 5y
I’d wait at least a week
- Date posted
- 5y
Echoing Laura here - your partner has agency in this relationship and you don’t need to make decisions for him. He’s choosing to be with you. I can feel your pain but remember you are worthy of love just as who you are right now. In my own relationship OCD ending the relationship by saying you deserve someone better or challenging him for being with me are sneaky compulsions designed to seek reassurance OR to validate a fear he’s wrong for me (both sides of ROCD at once, yay). Do talk to a therapist if you can. Hope you feel better today.
- Date posted
- 5y
^ well said. I did it once as well, it hurt me so bad to hurt him. But it ended my anxiety but I just wasn’t happy that I wasn’t with him. Like Cyndi said, if he loves you enough he will understand as he will help you.
- Date posted
- 5y
Does he know what you’re going through?
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes
- Date posted
- 5y
But he's away for work right now (2weeks), and it's been a huge trigger for me
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Hello. I am on my first relationship, (and I want it to be my only!) I've been at it for nearly 2 years, and it first starting happening a few months in. When the relationship started, it felt perfect to me. We are both extremely different people, we have different taste, different humor (but we both made each other laugh!) and just a different way of talking about things, (I tend to be more analytical, while she isn't as much). But I considered these differences to be fine, I never felt like it was an issue because our core values are very similar and I consider her a very intelligent girl. We just enjoyed time together, and each other, I thought she was cute as hell, and even if she didn't talk in depth about a lot of stuff, that didn't matter, I enjoyed the quiet times with her just as much as the talkative times. When the OCD kicked in, that's when I started to question everything, I questioned if I even loved her in the first place, if our relationship was just a sham, if I even found her attractive in the first place, her intelligence, her point of view, even dumb petty stuff like "oh she likes THAT movie???". After my first major breakdown, I confessed a lot to her. At this point, I didn't even know what was going on until I started to look into it. And that's where I found ROCD. On one hand, it was satisfying to see something I could point to as "the problem", on the other hand, I think it gave me bad motivation, it reassured me that this was something that I could just try and ignore. After I cooled down from this, I once again had a long period of bliss. I had a good schedule with her. >Go to work >Hang out with her (spend the night at her place sometimes) >go home and hang out with friends I enjoyed my time with her, taking part in her interests, and her taking part in mine. She wasn't always 100% into the things that I was, and that was always a bit disappointing to me, but in the same way you'd be disappointed if your friend didn't like the thing you liked. (now I over analyze these moments and question if I did always care more about this or not) This moment of bliss would end after another huge trigger. A part of the OCD I have yet to mention is my tendency to be worried that "getting along with other people that I find attractive" is the equivalent of either cheating on my partner, or backstabbing them. There was someone at work that I found attractive and I had a moment where it felt like I may have developed a thing for them, I still don't know if it's true because I generally found them to be annoying at times. I made a joke during work, that felt like I was propping myself up to them, I still don't know my motivation behind this joke, because it feels like it could have been something that I would have joked about to anyone, but I'm still not even sure about it. Either way I basically had a panic attack and later confessed to my partner. I don't know if I should have done it, or not, because I'm to this day confused about my emotions during that situation. Regardless. She was hurt, but she forgave me. It felt like I couldn't look her in the eye and feel like a sincere person to her. After this major moment, I felt like I never recovered. I started to avoid talking to this person at work, or really many women at work at all because of the fear that I'd fall for them. When an attractive women shows up I try and end the conversation quickly, this has only created a fear for taking to people, and it's extremely stressful. I got by though. And I would continue to love my partner. Until another major breakdown. This one created a new type of numbness to my partner, that felt completely different, and it's way more convincing. I mentioned in the past that my partner and I are very different, and that we even have different ways of talking about interests. My partner very much enjoys things for what they are, there's not much analysis, and that's fine. Me (and my friends) are very analytical. Last month I was showing her a game I like, and I started to question if she was even tracking what was going on, or even understood it, I was obsessing over the idea that she didn't even care about it (even tho I know she has always taken interest in what I like). This way of thought broke my brain and it made me feel completely incompatible with her. I question my behavior when I was showing her stuff in the past, I remember moments in which I questioned if she was actually paying attention even during moments when the OCD was low. I question if she has the ability to even watch something and understand what's going on. All terrible thoughts, and all thoughts that I never want to have. I'm scared to talk to my friends half the time because the thoughts of them being more "intelligent and analytical" pulsate through my brain. My friends and I are extremely cynical, about things like the film industry and sometimes if I'm going in on something it feels like I'm shitting on her by proxy just because she doesn't care about it as much as I do. I've isolated myself from friends and I think that did worsen my condition, because when it's just only me and my partner hanging out, I feel like it started attacking her more. This is the part where it just doesn't feel like ROCD anymore. I used to not give a single shit about these things, I was able to make blanket statements like "I think TikTok sucks and it's users are annoying" knowing full well my partner uses TikTok every day. There was a separation between me making broad statements and then not necessarily being indictive of my partner SPECIFICALLY. Now it doesn't feel like I have much anxiety anymore, because it just feels like I've accepted that my partner is who she is and I "don't know if I love her" when in the past, I've accepted my partner for who she is, and I loved her anyway. I feel like I'm just not as connected to her as I once was. I used to enjoy everything with her, now my brain overanalyzes everything she does and says. I can't just relax. I feel like I've lost any amount of structure and this turned into a ramble. But I guess that's where I'm at now. I've been attempting getting proper health insurance so I can talk to someone and not break the bank. I think about the times when none of these ridiculous nitpicks didn't matter to me, and I cry about the idea of leaving her. Thank you for reading.
- Date posted
- 18w
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.
- Date posted
- 10w
Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth
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