- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey Maureen, I hope you’re okay it sounds like things are hard at the moment. I think L22 is right, you should talk to your therapist (do you have one at the moment?) about it first and tell them how you are feeling. Mental health can make you feel like you need to push other people away to protect them, but you’re not selfish if you stay with him. He is his own person and will know for himself if he wants to be with you - you don’t need to make that decision for him. Also, just remember that you are experiencing a really distressing mental illness and your loved ones will want to be there for you ? sending best wishes x
- Date posted
- 6y
Your mind may tell you that you are a burden because of your mental health struggles, but it is not true. Mental health may be a challenge, but it doesnt make you less worthy of love. Social support and love are things we need in our lives, and it sounds like he means so much to you. My advice is don’t give up on yourself. There is alot of treatment and support out there. I cannot advise on whether you should or shouldnt be with him, but I would recommend that you speak with a therapist if you can before making that big decision because maybe a professional could provide another perspective that you havent considered. Id also say, give your partner a chance to have an input. Does he understand what youre going through and how hard it is for you? If you both want to be together, but mental health is the only thing getting in the way, thats a perfect thing to speak to a therapist about!
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you all of you. In a moment of weakness I did send him that message and his exact response was "This is silly talk. I'm not having it! Everything is okay sweetie. This is just a bump in the road", and then he called and we talked for a bit and I feel a lot better. But yes you guys are all right I need to talk to my therapist about this, and I have been. She recommended this CBT book called "Mind Over Mood" that I bought months ago, and am finally going to crack on and start reading it tonight. On a side note. Thank you to all of you for your support. This little community we have here is tremendous help to knowing we're all fighting the same battle. Knowing people who truly understand what you're going through and are there to listen is everything <3
- Date posted
- 6y
Don't, I did it once, and it made everything worse, if he loves you enough, he will help you going through this, and you will love him too, because if that happens, that's pure love! You would be selfish for ending that love and breaking your lover's heart.
- Date posted
- 6y
OCD makes me feel like I'm a monster that has already hurt him because of my false memories. I know I won't be happy without him, but aren't I being selfless by setting him free?
- Date posted
- 6y
Okay so maybe if you really wanna go through with this. Ask for a break? I doubt that might the best thing to do but if you think it’ll help you. Just ask for a break and make him Understand that it’s just your thoughts.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’d wait at least a week
- Date posted
- 6y
Echoing Laura here - your partner has agency in this relationship and you don’t need to make decisions for him. He’s choosing to be with you. I can feel your pain but remember you are worthy of love just as who you are right now. In my own relationship OCD ending the relationship by saying you deserve someone better or challenging him for being with me are sneaky compulsions designed to seek reassurance OR to validate a fear he’s wrong for me (both sides of ROCD at once, yay). Do talk to a therapist if you can. Hope you feel better today.
- Date posted
- 6y
^ well said. I did it once as well, it hurt me so bad to hurt him. But it ended my anxiety but I just wasn’t happy that I wasn’t with him. Like Cyndi said, if he loves you enough he will understand as he will help you.
- Date posted
- 6y
Does he know what you’re going through?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes
- Date posted
- 6y
But he's away for work right now (2weeks), and it's been a huge trigger for me
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.
- Date posted
- 15w
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
- Date posted
- 13w
I broke up with my boyfriend today because of how bad my anxiety had gotten I couldn’t tell what was my heart and what was my head. I’m heartbroken because I feel like I lost my best friend and I truly do have love for him and want him in my future. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We broke up because I’m not on medication for my anxiety and have a doctor’s appointment coming up on Wednesday to see about getting some. I still feel anxious after our breaks but I feel guilty to admit that I do feel better. I’m still just anxious in general a little and I don’t know why. We had decided to stay in touch but not on a daily or even weekly basis, just because there is no hate in our relationship just pure love. I’m just so scared and sad that I really will lose him and be all alone.
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