About to send this to the love of my life: I don't think I'm healthy enough to be with you Jack. You deserve the best, and I may of been that at one point but I'm not now. I feel like I'm holding you back from so much you should be exploring/doing and that's selfish and unfair of me. You shouldn't have to worry about someone that is not in touch with reality, and feels crippling guilt for things she hasn't done. You have been so great, and supportive (more than anyone ever would in this situation). I know you love me, and I'll always love you. You have been the greatest joy in my life, but this isn't fair to you because the truth is even if I get better this may never go away entirely. You have done nothing wrong, but I can't live anymore like this. And you don't deserve to go through this kind of stress. You've had more darkness then anyone our age should go through already. You need light right now, and I don't think I can be that. If any part of you agrees with this; you know I'm right. I'm doing the right thing right?

Hey Maureen, I hope you’re okay it sounds like things are hard at the moment. I think L22 is right, you should talk to your therapist (do you have one at the moment?) about it first and tell them how you are feeling. Mental health can make you feel like you need to push other people away to protect them, but you’re not selfish if you stay with him. He is his own person and will know for himself if he wants to be with you - you don’t need to make that decision for him. Also, just remember that you are experiencing a really distressing mental illness and your loved ones will want to be there for you ? sending best wishes x

Your mind may tell you that you are a burden because of your mental health struggles, but it is not true. Mental health may be a challenge, but it doesnt make you less worthy of love. Social support and love are things we need in our lives, and it sounds like he means so much to you. My advice is don’t give up on yourself. There is alot of treatment and support out there. I cannot advise on whether you should or shouldnt be with him, but I would recommend that you speak with a therapist if you can before making that big decision because maybe a professional could provide another perspective that you havent considered. Id also say, give your partner a chance to have an input. Does he understand what youre going through and how hard it is for you? If you both want to be together, but mental health is the only thing getting in the way, thats a perfect thing to speak to a therapist about!

Thank you all of you. In a moment of weakness I did send him that message and his exact response was "This is silly talk. I'm not having it! Everything is okay sweetie. This is just a bump in the road", and then he called and we talked for a bit and I feel a lot better. But yes you guys are all right I need to talk to my therapist about this, and I have been. She recommended this CBT book called "Mind Over Mood" that I bought months ago, and am finally going to crack on and start reading it tonight. On a side note. Thank you to all of you for your support. This little community we have here is tremendous help to knowing we're all fighting the same battle. Knowing people who truly understand what you're going through and are there to listen is everything <3

Don't, I did it once, and it made everything worse, if he loves you enough, he will help you going through this, and you will love him too, because if that happens, that's pure love! You would be selfish for ending that love and breaking your lover's heart.

OCD makes me feel like I'm a monster that has already hurt him because of my false memories. I know I won't be happy without him, but aren't I being selfless by setting him free?

Okay so maybe if you really wanna go through with this. Ask for a break? I doubt that might the best thing to do but if you think it’ll help you. Just ask for a break and make him Understand that it’s just your thoughts.

I’d wait at least a week

Echoing Laura here - your partner has agency in this relationship and you don’t need to make decisions for him. He’s choosing to be with you. I can feel your pain but remember you are worthy of love just as who you are right now. In my own relationship OCD ending the relationship by saying you deserve someone better or challenging him for being with me are sneaky compulsions designed to seek reassurance OR to validate a fear he’s wrong for me (both sides of ROCD at once, yay). Do talk to a therapist if you can. Hope you feel better today.

^ well said. I did it once as well, it hurt me so bad to hurt him. But it ended my anxiety but I just wasn’t happy that I wasn’t with him. Like Cyndi said, if he loves you enough he will understand as he will help you.

Does he know what you’re going through?

Yes

But he's away for work right now (2weeks), and it's been a huge trigger for me