- Date posted
- 1y ago
Why?
I always wonder why I have OCD. It’s odd that I don’t have any trauma or family history (except for anxiety and depression) And im medically healthy. It confuses me.
I always wonder why I have OCD. It’s odd that I don’t have any trauma or family history (except for anxiety and depression) And im medically healthy. It confuses me.
You might have family members that have it but have never revealed it. I only knew because my mom told me my great grandmother had it.
I am reasonably healthy. I am the unicorn of the family that everyone else gets to reference on their medical history because I have narcolepsy type 2, lipedema, and now OCD. And yes, I am very confused because the rest of the family tree doesn't have any of those things.
I was told by a therapist that the reason my OCD started was a way to protect me from the pain of my mom dying. I was told that my brain was trying to protect me by distracting me with something else so I don’t acknowledge that maybe it actually hurt, but your brain doesn’t realize that the obsession it’s giving you as a distraction is worse than dealing with the pain of the original issue.
@Mitchell That’s so true. I feel like dissociation is a similar concept. It is a means of protecting you but sometimes it can freak someone out more than the original anxiety-inducing situation.
@Rumpelgoocher Your brain wants you to survive so it’ll do anything if it thinks it is protecting you
I run this through my head all the time. Why me? No one else in my family has it. I was raised by my grandparents and when I had to leave private school to go to public school I had to get all of my infant shots all at once before I could start. All in one day. I always wonder did that cause it? I got strep really bad once, did that cause it? Was it the trauma of being ripped away from my grandparents who had raised me for the first 11 years of my life to go live with my dad at 12? Was it going to church as a kid and learning stuff that contradicted what we were taught in a Jewish household? I will never know what it was. Maybe I was predisposed and just got unlucky? My brain even goes as far as thinking I was possessed or something from walking in a cemetery as a kid. I’m sorry I don’t know the answer for any of us. I ask this in therapy all the time and get told I’m seeking reassurance
i’ve been dealing with this “thing” since i was 15. (i’m 23 now) if i have a bad memory that i have done when i was really young or just an intrusive thought i feel like i need to tell my mom or boyfriend. it’s been on and off ever since but since January hit it’s been an everyday thing about the littlest things. mostly about my relationship. an example is i was talking to someone random at my job and we were talking about taxes and when im in deep thought or just thinking i do a thing where i bite my lip (not in the sexual way) and i had a thought when it happened “was that sexual?” and i felt like i did something wrong and i went for a while thinking that until i told my boyfriend about it. or like my ex’s face has popped up in my head in the most inappropriate times and i feel the need that i have to tell him. (my ex was not a good person) i feel like im a prisoner in my head everyday, trying to justify thoughts or remind myself that its just a thought. i didnt know that this was or could be a form of ocd. it runs in my family but i’ve just never considered it being this. i always called it anxiety or depression but i always felt like it is more than that.
Last year during April I started to experience groinal responses when I looked at kids. I was terrified of what it could mean and decided to attempt two weeks later. The very next day I had those responses I decided to attempt. I didn’t really have the courage to do so at that time but I started experiencing images about disturbing things done to kids and as days went by it got worse. April 16 was the last straw and I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up in a mental hospital but before I ended up there I had searched up what I was experiencing. That’s when I started to understand that it was OCD. I felt relieved for a few moments until I felt the urge to get more information. I saw lots and lots of things and many comments saying that it wasn’t normal and that people who went through this were disgusting people who shouldn’t be allowed to roam free. That’s when my anxiety and fear became worse and I tried to get rid of it but nothing worked. I shook the entire time I was awake, I didn’t have motivation for anything anymore, I just felt so disgusting. In the end, I’m so glad I ended up in that mental hospital or else I wouldn’t be here with my friends and family. Thank you for reading my story, I’m so glad that I’m not alone
i have been diagnosed with OCD & generalized anxiety disorder. for some reason, i’ve been very hyper aware of everything. like the way i talk, the way i see the world, how certain things sound/look/feel, and it’s very distressing. i feel like the hyper awareness makes me afraid of things? like for some reason, my mind attached to cartoons, and i was hyperfocusing on it, and got extremely scared, like scared of the cartoon for no reason? i’ve done this a lot, and i get scared i have psychosis or schizophrenia, or something that makes you afraid of things for no unknown reason. i feel so scared that this is my new normal…. im heartbroken. so many what if’s. did i just ruin my own life?? 💔
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