these are so hard together š£ Iām fine with saying Iām bisexual but my brain screams at me. I really donāt know what to do. Iām 27 and married to an incredible man. Ugh. Can anyone talk?
That's the very nature of OCD - it attaches itself to anything, whether it is a fear or at the core of your identity. It is especially tough when you're mentally cognizant about it. For me, I'm married to a wonderful woman, but my brain drills into me that I secretly want to cheat with a man. It's probably one of my least favorite themes I've experienced (although, there are no good OCD themes). So, I feel for ya.
@ZTValen Like I literally donāt know how Iād be taking on the identity as a lesbian. Iāve always liked men and felt a little curiosity/attraction towards women. So thatās why Iām fine saying Iām bisexual. Iāve never dated a girl before and I like the dynamic of a man and a women together.
@Ditto That's the thing, OCD blurs the line between what's real and what isn't. What's notable is it comes with a heightened level of anxiety. You know you likely don't want to be with someone of the same sex, but your brain keeps gnawing at you. What I will say is, don't browse places like Reddit - entering spaces for LGBTQ people is not a great idea. While they may mean well, most don't understand OCD.
@ZTValen You are so wise. I had a spiral after talking to my friend whoās bisexual (also in a long term partnership with a man and never dated a girl) and she recommended looking at bisexual/lgbtq content on Instagram.
@ZTValen I needed to hear this. I read articles and took quizzes as reassurance and took me to a bigger spiral.
@yessyess Exactly. This stuff sends me.
@Ditto Most of it comes from experience. I've learned a lot of my common pitfalls. In a way, we like to compare notes with other people - "am I like this person who is gay/bi/straight." That's part of our compulsions. Interacting with it as an exposure is good, checking and looking for reassurance is not so good. Always tread carefully!
@Ditto An hour ago I read an article of bisexuality and OCD and for a second I felt calm like I found an answer. But Iāve never been sexually attracted to women, but that moment of calm brought me to such a big spiral. I wouldnāt care if I were lesbian or bisexual, but itās not what I want. Itās been a challenge getting back from that and added another layer of confusion. It came to the point where I was screaming and crying and my sister had to bring me back to reality. Taking a quiz to confirm I was straight was alleviating but I know itās going to backfire me. Be strong!
@yessyess Not uncommon, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. We already have it hard, it's not worth becoming your own enemy. Just remember, look for exposures and try your best not to seek reassurance.
@ZTValen It was irresponsible of me. I remember my exposure hierarchies from NOCD would be an article like this and I chose to read it for reassurance and took me to such a dark pit. Going to give myself grace.
@yessyess Literally have been doing this the past week and dug myself a hole. Ugh! I hate it!
Hey! I have experienced this themes a few years back and it can feel so debilitating. Iām sorry that OCD is putting you in this position. OCD wants you to feed off of this idea which means that itās going to feel real - because OCD wants it to be this way. Hang in there ā¤ļø remember that youāre community is here to support you
Can confirm - Nocd was actually very helpful when I was going through TOCD. While I can't speak for the therapists - I'm seeing one that's not through Nocd, the people are awesome!
@ZTValen Iām going back. I saw them for a few months but stopped. I got overwhelmed with too much therapy. So Iām going back next week :)
@Ditto Good to hear! Therapy definitely can help on your road to recovery! Learning to beat one theme of OCD will help you in handling other themes in the future. I wish ya the best of luck!
@ZTValen Thank you. Iām pretty scared. Iām really worried. I donāt want to lose him
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@Anonymous1234567891011 Iām scared because we want kids soon and Iām a child of divorce (bc my dad is trans) so I deeply value a strong family and two loving parents. Iām getting my IUD out next week so I think my OCD is heightening because we are taking a big next step and I donāt want to āmake a mistakeā.
@Anonymous1234567891011 Btw, I still love my dad and want him happy but he wasnāt a fantastic parent. We donāt really have a relationship these days. Heās emotionally draining.
@Anonymous1234567891011 Iām scared Iām not happy. I can be pretty codependent and donāt like bringing up problems
@Anonymous1234567891011 My soocd plays on my rocd
@Anonymous1234567891011 My brain heightens our marriage so Iām constantly analyzing our marriage. And I think is this because I should be with a woman
@Anonymous1234567891011 Thank you ā¤ļø
@Ditto Thatās TOTALLY what it is! My husband and I are going to Mexico to the resort we got married at for our 10 year anniversary and thatās what caused my spike. Big life events can set the OCD in motion. I was in recovery from my last spike 3 years ago. We have two wonderful little kids, too. So it is possible!
Remember, allowing the thought to be a thought is not the same as agreeing with it, it does not mean that's who you are. Just let it be. Thought says "I want to be with a woman". Let it be. Let it sit there. Don't fight it, don't argue with it, don't agree with it. Let it be what it is...a thought. Thought does not equal reality. It gains power by our reaction to it. Let it sit there and eventually it loses power. May God bless you and your husband with unity in marriage and a beautiful family someday!
Ok so Iām a 17 year old female, and Iāve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I donāt want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, Iāve always liked men, but now Iām questioning whether or not thatās real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? Iām single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes Iām less sure, and Iāve never been particularly boy crazy. Iāve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say Iāve never found other guys attractive, but it doesnāt seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I donāt want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I donāt know whatās going on every time I say Iām straight I feel like Iām lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesnāt feel like something I would want, but is that just because I donāt want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.
Iāve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and Iām beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind Iāve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (Iām a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like āokay. Fine, but I donāt want to date a girlā I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if Iām romantically interested in women and not men. Iāve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I donāt want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts donāt stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I donāt want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that thatās not what I want. It doesnāt feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik itās still ocd related) but Iām scared that once I tell him, Iāll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh Iāve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, Iām stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
Iām 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Donāt get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you wonāt prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you havenāt tried it: and itās that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I donāt want I donāt want I donāt want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I donāt wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
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