- Date posted
- 1y
SOOCD AND ROCD
these are so hard together š£ Iām fine with saying Iām bisexual but my brain screams at me. I really donāt know what to do. Iām 27 and married to an incredible man. Ugh. Can anyone talk?
these are so hard together š£ Iām fine with saying Iām bisexual but my brain screams at me. I really donāt know what to do. Iām 27 and married to an incredible man. Ugh. Can anyone talk?
That's the very nature of OCD - it attaches itself to anything, whether it is a fear or at the core of your identity. It is especially tough when you're mentally cognizant about it. For me, I'm married to a wonderful woman, but my brain drills into me that I secretly want to cheat with a man. It's probably one of my least favorite themes I've experienced (although, there are no good OCD themes). So, I feel for ya.
@ZTValen Like I literally donāt know how Iād be taking on the identity as a lesbian. Iāve always liked men and felt a little curiosity/attraction towards women. So thatās why Iām fine saying Iām bisexual. Iāve never dated a girl before and I like the dynamic of a man and a women together.
@Ditto That's the thing, OCD blurs the line between what's real and what isn't. What's notable is it comes with a heightened level of anxiety. You know you likely don't want to be with someone of the same sex, but your brain keeps gnawing at you. What I will say is, don't browse places like Reddit - entering spaces for LGBTQ people is not a great idea. While they may mean well, most don't understand OCD.
@ZTValen You are so wise. I had a spiral after talking to my friend whoās bisexual (also in a long term partnership with a man and never dated a girl) and she recommended looking at bisexual/lgbtq content on Instagram.
@ZTValen I needed to hear this. I read articles and took quizzes as reassurance and took me to a bigger spiral.
@yessyess Exactly. This stuff sends me.
@Ditto Most of it comes from experience. I've learned a lot of my common pitfalls. In a way, we like to compare notes with other people - "am I like this person who is gay/bi/straight." That's part of our compulsions. Interacting with it as an exposure is good, checking and looking for reassurance is not so good. Always tread carefully!
@Ditto An hour ago I read an article of bisexuality and OCD and for a second I felt calm like I found an answer. But Iāve never been sexually attracted to women, but that moment of calm brought me to such a big spiral. I wouldnāt care if I were lesbian or bisexual, but itās not what I want. Itās been a challenge getting back from that and added another layer of confusion. It came to the point where I was screaming and crying and my sister had to bring me back to reality. Taking a quiz to confirm I was straight was alleviating but I know itās going to backfire me. Be strong!
@yessyess Not uncommon, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. We already have it hard, it's not worth becoming your own enemy. Just remember, look for exposures and try your best not to seek reassurance.
@ZTValen It was irresponsible of me. I remember my exposure hierarchies from NOCD would be an article like this and I chose to read it for reassurance and took me to such a dark pit. Going to give myself grace.
@yessyess Literally have been doing this the past week and dug myself a hole. Ugh! I hate it!
Hey! I have experienced this themes a few years back and it can feel so debilitating. Iām sorry that OCD is putting you in this position. OCD wants you to feed off of this idea which means that itās going to feel real - because OCD wants it to be this way. Hang in there ā¤ļø remember that youāre community is here to support you
Can confirm - Nocd was actually very helpful when I was going through TOCD. While I can't speak for the therapists - I'm seeing one that's not through Nocd, the people are awesome!
@ZTValen Iām going back. I saw them for a few months but stopped. I got overwhelmed with too much therapy. So Iām going back next week :)
@Ditto Good to hear! Therapy definitely can help on your road to recovery! Learning to beat one theme of OCD will help you in handling other themes in the future. I wish ya the best of luck!
@ZTValen Thank you. Iām pretty scared. Iām really worried. I donāt want to lose him
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@Anonymous1234567891011 Iām scared because we want kids soon and Iām a child of divorce (bc my dad is trans) so I deeply value a strong family and two loving parents. Iām getting my IUD out next week so I think my OCD is heightening because we are taking a big next step and I donāt want to āmake a mistakeā.
@Anonymous1234567891011 Btw, I still love my dad and want him happy but he wasnāt a fantastic parent. We donāt really have a relationship these days. Heās emotionally draining.
@Anonymous1234567891011 Iām scared Iām not happy. I can be pretty codependent and donāt like bringing up problems
@Anonymous1234567891011 My soocd plays on my rocd
@Anonymous1234567891011 My brain heightens our marriage so Iām constantly analyzing our marriage. And I think is this because I should be with a woman
@Anonymous1234567891011 Thank you ā¤ļø
@Ditto Thatās TOTALLY what it is! My husband and I are going to Mexico to the resort we got married at for our 10 year anniversary and thatās what caused my spike. Big life events can set the OCD in motion. I was in recovery from my last spike 3 years ago. We have two wonderful little kids, too. So it is possible!
Remember, allowing the thought to be a thought is not the same as agreeing with it, it does not mean that's who you are. Just let it be. Thought says "I want to be with a woman". Let it be. Let it sit there. Don't fight it, don't argue with it, don't agree with it. Let it be what it is...a thought. Thought does not equal reality. It gains power by our reaction to it. Let it sit there and eventually it loses power. May God bless you and your husband with unity in marriage and a beautiful family someday!
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever Iām down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illnessā¦. I hate to say it but I hate living right now itās too painful⦠im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now iām 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think Iām gay and didnāt realize or indenial and listen I get it ādonāt look for reassurance!ā āItās not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!ā Hereās the thing with that if Iām in a relationship and Iām gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that āoh yeah that stuff happens and youāll move onā is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didnāt realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it canāt google says otherwise and some people have said it canāt idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I canāt take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why canāt I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the bodyās and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still donāt get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because Iām with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain Iām (demi sexual so I donāt even really care about looks) and I truly didnāt care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I donāt like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldnāt be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didnāt even care about labels before my ocd it just didnāt matter but now itās effected my sex life and itās hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused Iām so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner Iām with right now!!! Iām so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that Iām gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out itās been true all along?!???
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I donāt want, and then tries to convince me that I do. Itās painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I donāt want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but Iām terrified that one day Iāll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. Iāve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that Iām "bisexual." Iāve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge meātelling me, āYou donāt even know what love feels like.ā It wonāt shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that Iām a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
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