these are so hard together š£ Iām fine with saying Iām bisexual but my brain screams at me. I really donāt know what to do. Iām 27 and married to an incredible man. Ugh. Can anyone talk?
That's the very nature of OCD - it attaches itself to anything, whether it is a fear or at the core of your identity. It is especially tough when you're mentally cognizant about it. For me, I'm married to a wonderful woman, but my brain drills into me that I secretly want to cheat with a man. It's probably one of my least favorite themes I've experienced (although, there are no good OCD themes). So, I feel for ya.
@ZTValen Like I literally donāt know how Iād be taking on the identity as a lesbian. Iāve always liked men and felt a little curiosity/attraction towards women. So thatās why Iām fine saying Iām bisexual. Iāve never dated a girl before and I like the dynamic of a man and a women together.
@Ditto That's the thing, OCD blurs the line between what's real and what isn't. What's notable is it comes with a heightened level of anxiety. You know you likely don't want to be with someone of the same sex, but your brain keeps gnawing at you. What I will say is, don't browse places like Reddit - entering spaces for LGBTQ people is not a great idea. While they may mean well, most don't understand OCD.
@ZTValen You are so wise. I had a spiral after talking to my friend whoās bisexual (also in a long term partnership with a man and never dated a girl) and she recommended looking at bisexual/lgbtq content on Instagram.
@ZTValen I needed to hear this. I read articles and took quizzes as reassurance and took me to a bigger spiral.
@yessyess Exactly. This stuff sends me.
@Ditto Most of it comes from experience. I've learned a lot of my common pitfalls. In a way, we like to compare notes with other people - "am I like this person who is gay/bi/straight." That's part of our compulsions. Interacting with it as an exposure is good, checking and looking for reassurance is not so good. Always tread carefully!
@Ditto An hour ago I read an article of bisexuality and OCD and for a second I felt calm like I found an answer. But Iāve never been sexually attracted to women, but that moment of calm brought me to such a big spiral. I wouldnāt care if I were lesbian or bisexual, but itās not what I want. Itās been a challenge getting back from that and added another layer of confusion. It came to the point where I was screaming and crying and my sister had to bring me back to reality. Taking a quiz to confirm I was straight was alleviating but I know itās going to backfire me. Be strong!
@yessyess Not uncommon, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. We already have it hard, it's not worth becoming your own enemy. Just remember, look for exposures and try your best not to seek reassurance.
@ZTValen It was irresponsible of me. I remember my exposure hierarchies from NOCD would be an article like this and I chose to read it for reassurance and took me to such a dark pit. Going to give myself grace.
@yessyess Literally have been doing this the past week and dug myself a hole. Ugh! I hate it!
Hey! I have experienced this themes a few years back and it can feel so debilitating. Iām sorry that OCD is putting you in this position. OCD wants you to feed off of this idea which means that itās going to feel real - because OCD wants it to be this way. Hang in there ā¤ļø remember that youāre community is here to support you
Can confirm - Nocd was actually very helpful when I was going through TOCD. While I can't speak for the therapists - I'm seeing one that's not through Nocd, the people are awesome!
@ZTValen Iām going back. I saw them for a few months but stopped. I got overwhelmed with too much therapy. So Iām going back next week :)
@Ditto Good to hear! Therapy definitely can help on your road to recovery! Learning to beat one theme of OCD will help you in handling other themes in the future. I wish ya the best of luck!
@ZTValen Thank you. Iām pretty scared. Iām really worried. I donāt want to lose him
Remember, allowing the thought to be a thought is not the same as agreeing with it, it does not mean that's who you are. Just let it be. Thought says "I want to be with a woman". Let it be. Let it sit there. Don't fight it, don't argue with it, don't agree with it. Let it be what it is...a thought. Thought does not equal reality. It gains power by our reaction to it. Let it sit there and eventually it loses power. May God bless you and your husband with unity in marriage and a beautiful family someday!
Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like š Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha š I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha
The thoughts still exist. For the last couple months Iāve been able to say I donāt care and lean into the comfort of being uncertain. Im having a tough time with some things personally right now and guess what decides to show upā¦ Anyways, Iāve been trying to get used to the fact that maybe Iām bisexual with a romantic preference for men (Iām married and love my husband) but when you start going through your compulsions itās soooo easy for everything to blur out. To my knowledge Iāve never had a crush on a woman but Iāve most definitely watched same sex porn and have thought women are hot and beautiful, then come the thoughts about comp het and how Iāve never been an overly sexual person so that MUST mean something. Ugh idk, just looking for someone to chat with I guess!
im having a unusually hard flare up for two months. ive never had it this bad before (ive had this on and off for many years - thank god not constantly.) lately, i keep having these images in my head and scenarios in my head of me "coming out" in the future and ending my relationship with my amazing fiance who i love dearly. he knows everything but i still feel like i am constantly lying to him, my family, and friends. i need to know that this is something the SO-OCD can do to you? the weird thing is, is that i have never been attracted to woman. i do admire their beauty and wish to LOOK like them or have a specific feature they have, but i dont have any urges to like be with them yet i am dealing with this really bad flare up. My brain keeps telling me that since i have never tried it, i would never know, and i am just getting really distressed from it. i just want to be happy again and it seems impossible. I am convinced i am only person that is using SO-OCD as an excuse. Any guidance or advice, or anything really, will help. i just feel alone and scared and sad all the time.
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