these are so hard together š£ Iām fine with saying Iām bisexual but my brain screams at me. I really donāt know what to do. Iām 27 and married to an incredible man. Ugh. Can anyone talk?
That's the very nature of OCD - it attaches itself to anything, whether it is a fear or at the core of your identity. It is especially tough when you're mentally cognizant about it. For me, I'm married to a wonderful woman, but my brain drills into me that I secretly want to cheat with a man. It's probably one of my least favorite themes I've experienced (although, there are no good OCD themes). So, I feel for ya.
@ZTValen Like I literally donāt know how Iād be taking on the identity as a lesbian. Iāve always liked men and felt a little curiosity/attraction towards women. So thatās why Iām fine saying Iām bisexual. Iāve never dated a girl before and I like the dynamic of a man and a women together.
@Ditto That's the thing, OCD blurs the line between what's real and what isn't. What's notable is it comes with a heightened level of anxiety. You know you likely don't want to be with someone of the same sex, but your brain keeps gnawing at you. What I will say is, don't browse places like Reddit - entering spaces for LGBTQ people is not a great idea. While they may mean well, most don't understand OCD.
@ZTValen You are so wise. I had a spiral after talking to my friend whoās bisexual (also in a long term partnership with a man and never dated a girl) and she recommended looking at bisexual/lgbtq content on Instagram.
@ZTValen I needed to hear this. I read articles and took quizzes as reassurance and took me to a bigger spiral.
@yessyess Exactly. This stuff sends me.
@Ditto Most of it comes from experience. I've learned a lot of my common pitfalls. In a way, we like to compare notes with other people - "am I like this person who is gay/bi/straight." That's part of our compulsions. Interacting with it as an exposure is good, checking and looking for reassurance is not so good. Always tread carefully!
@Ditto An hour ago I read an article of bisexuality and OCD and for a second I felt calm like I found an answer. But Iāve never been sexually attracted to women, but that moment of calm brought me to such a big spiral. I wouldnāt care if I were lesbian or bisexual, but itās not what I want. Itās been a challenge getting back from that and added another layer of confusion. It came to the point where I was screaming and crying and my sister had to bring me back to reality. Taking a quiz to confirm I was straight was alleviating but I know itās going to backfire me. Be strong!
@yessyess Not uncommon, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. We already have it hard, it's not worth becoming your own enemy. Just remember, look for exposures and try your best not to seek reassurance.
@ZTValen It was irresponsible of me. I remember my exposure hierarchies from NOCD would be an article like this and I chose to read it for reassurance and took me to such a dark pit. Going to give myself grace.
@yessyess Literally have been doing this the past week and dug myself a hole. Ugh! I hate it!
Hey! I have experienced this themes a few years back and it can feel so debilitating. Iām sorry that OCD is putting you in this position. OCD wants you to feed off of this idea which means that itās going to feel real - because OCD wants it to be this way. Hang in there ā¤ļø remember that youāre community is here to support you
Can confirm - Nocd was actually very helpful when I was going through TOCD. While I can't speak for the therapists - I'm seeing one that's not through Nocd, the people are awesome!
@ZTValen Iām going back. I saw them for a few months but stopped. I got overwhelmed with too much therapy. So Iām going back next week :)
@Ditto Good to hear! Therapy definitely can help on your road to recovery! Learning to beat one theme of OCD will help you in handling other themes in the future. I wish ya the best of luck!
@ZTValen Thank you. Iām pretty scared. Iām really worried. I donāt want to lose him
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@Anonymous1234567891011 Iām scared because we want kids soon and Iām a child of divorce (bc my dad is trans) so I deeply value a strong family and two loving parents. Iām getting my IUD out next week so I think my OCD is heightening because we are taking a big next step and I donāt want to āmake a mistakeā.
@Anonymous1234567891011 Btw, I still love my dad and want him happy but he wasnāt a fantastic parent. We donāt really have a relationship these days. Heās emotionally draining.
@Anonymous1234567891011 Iām scared Iām not happy. I can be pretty codependent and donāt like bringing up problems
@Anonymous1234567891011 My soocd plays on my rocd
@Anonymous1234567891011 My brain heightens our marriage so Iām constantly analyzing our marriage. And I think is this because I should be with a woman
@Anonymous1234567891011 Thank you ā¤ļø
@Ditto Thatās TOTALLY what it is! My husband and I are going to Mexico to the resort we got married at for our 10 year anniversary and thatās what caused my spike. Big life events can set the OCD in motion. I was in recovery from my last spike 3 years ago. We have two wonderful little kids, too. So it is possible!
Remember, allowing the thought to be a thought is not the same as agreeing with it, it does not mean that's who you are. Just let it be. Thought says "I want to be with a woman". Let it be. Let it sit there. Don't fight it, don't argue with it, don't agree with it. Let it be what it is...a thought. Thought does not equal reality. It gains power by our reaction to it. Let it sit there and eventually it loses power. May God bless you and your husband with unity in marriage and a beautiful family someday!
Ok so Iām a 17 year old female, and Iāve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I donāt want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, Iāve always liked men, but now Iām questioning whether or not thatās real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? Iām single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes Iām less sure, and Iāve never been particularly boy crazy. Iāve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say Iāve never found other guys attractive, but it doesnāt seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I donāt want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I donāt know whatās going on every time I say Iām straight I feel like Iām lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesnāt feel like something I would want, but is that just because I donāt want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.
Iām so tired of my OCD changing āthemes.ā And no matter what it changes to, itās always directed towards a specific person - my mom. My mom and I are very close. I consider her my best friend and we live together. I can share anything with her and sheās very supportive. Iām 32 now, but harm ocd started when I was 15 and she was the main target back then as well. I had a bad flare up this year and the harm thoughts came back, but about a week ago they turned into sexual thoughts. Graphic thoughts and images about incest. These thoughts typically make me feel panic and dread, and just an overall depressed feeling. It has made me uncomfortable to be around my mom, since I canāt even look at her without a sexual thought or image popping up. Even watching a romantic scene in a show, listening a romantic song, etc. My brain wants to put an image of her in my head. Even me fantasizing about a man that Iām attracted to will replace the man with my mom. They just keep popping up. So this of course makes me think I actually want these things, and are actually fantasies. I have started to wonder if Iām in actual denial or that these are my true feelings. I have never been a relationship before due to not having much interest in it plus my mental health issues started as a teen, but someday I would like to get married. But now Iām thinking maybe Iāve never pursued a relationship with someone else because Iām actually in love with my mom and want to be with her, but I canāt so Iām just suppressing my feelings. And I do love my mom, but I question myself is this just platonic or familial love? Also questioning our relationship in general now - is it unhealthy or too dependent? It makes me feel doubt, since I have never really been in love before with someone else so I have nothing to compare it to. Always just crushes or finding a man attractive, and I identify as straight. But I also have not thought of my mom in a sexual way before, so Iām hoping this is just my OCD acting up. Even thinking about a future relationship with a man is making me feel nervous, since I think if I have feelings for my mom, will I ever be able to be in a serious relationship someday? If Iām with someone will I actually just picture her? It makes me feel hopeless, like I canāt help how I feel and what if these things are true? Would I act on them? My brain even made me think, āyou want to ask your mom to be in a sexual relationship with you and/or want her to ask you.ā I feel like such a pervert for writing that, like a truly disgusting person. I know I donāt want these things to be true, but what if they are and I canāt help how I feel? Again just feel doubt and uncertainty, that Iām in denial, and not to mention just feeling like a very sick individual.
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that Iām bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but thatās cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who havenāt spoken in a few years now and Iām over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh thatās life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now Iām mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, Iāve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now Iām just slightly nauseous and worried that I donāt like men as much as I like women but I think thatās normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldnāt even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now Iām nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and itās always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if itās a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? Iām nervous now. I was doing half decently today now Iām nauseous again. Iām worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I donāt like the ones my bf and I have and that I just donāt like him or men cuz Iāve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk whatās wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesnāt erase that I love my bf. Iām worried Iām leaning too much towards women tho and Iām a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if Iām just a lesbian entirely cuz I donāt feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe thatās cuz Iām checking and comparing. Now Iām anxious fuck. Iām trying not to think about her idk why. Iām worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. Sheās in my city. I didnāt care before but now I do. Or if I think about her Iāll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasnāt felt right lately cuz Iāve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasnāt obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didnāt feel passionate. It didnāt feel uncomfortable but I thought itād be more? Idk. I know itās normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isnāt very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didnāt feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but weāve been having sex since august so thatās normal. Idk. I havenāt been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that Iām bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I donāt want to rn cuz Iām dating a man. And I canāt fantasize about sex with him cuz Iām getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz itās been a while but Iām not going to. Iāve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when Iām mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying āOo you think all these women are so hot youāre gonna go feral blah blah blahā and yes women are hot but I donāt wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesnāt bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying Iām a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know itās not true. I love him I know that. Iād be happy if we stayed together. I wouldnāt regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if itās not like porn or the movies. As long as Iām being pleasured and heās being pleasured weāre good. Thatās what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I donāt feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore Iām gay. No I just donāt feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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