Recovered from pocd?

Has anyone on here recovered from POCD and willing to share any helpful tips. I’m sick and tired of worrying about this I just want it to stop. And my therapist says I just need to accept the presence of the thoughts but before I had POCD I don’t remember ever having thoughts/urges/feelings like this. I’m terrified of myself and I don’t trust myself or anything that my brain says. And when people say oh you need to just carry on with your values ? What if my values aren’t even my values ?? I’m not even sure what my values are anymore and who I am as a person. It’s so scary. I feel like I’m actually just a terrible person capable of horrible things. All I wanted since I was young was to be a stay at home mum and have my own family but that’s never going to happen now coz I honestly don’t know what happened to me. I miss my old self so much I grieve her everyday. Idek who I am anymore

Ro__

Date posted: 1y

I have never experienced pocd and can only imagine the anguish you must experience, BUT I have had very very similar thoughts in the past where I completely questioned who I was, felt completely detached from the person I had always known myself to be and could in no way see any sign that things could ever be different. I did erp, I learned to manage my ocd and it truly truly can just your perspective completely on your obsessions. I promise there is hope and one day you will look at this moment in time as a nightmare you woke up from.

Lalala321

Date posted: 1y

@Ro__ I feel like I’m treatment resistant… maybe I need to try harder to do ERP. Just feel like it’d be easier if I was sure on my values and who I am truly as a person but when I don’t and I’m constantly questioning myself and who I am it doesn’t feel safe to do ERP. Maybe I need to push myself more. I really hope so, times like these you feel like it’ll never get better and this will be my life forever which is terrifying

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

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Lalala321

Date posted: 1y

@emilyvictoria You literally just described my experience 😫!! I’m so sorry you also suffering with it coz it’s the worst thing I’ve gone through in my life and I gone through many shitty things lol. I’m not sure if I’m doing ERP or not as I’m happy to do them in natural life situations that pop up but like I’ve refuse to do ERP in therapy that are forced… not sure if that makes sense ( eg saying the word pedophile out loud ) it just makes me feel more abnormal and crazy than I already do. Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong. It’s just so hard coz I don’t want to have to go through this I just want it gone.

Lalala321

Date posted: 1y

@emilyvictoria I find it so hard to be compassionate to myself becoz I feel like I shouldn’t even be worried about something like this. It’s not a ‘normal’ thing to be worried about. Sometimes I feel like I need to punish myself incase I ever one day decide my thoughts are ok. I’m Sorry if that’s triggering at all just nice to speak to someone who gets it.

Lalala321

Date posted: 1y

@emilyvictoria Think I’m still trying to accept I have OCD. I feel like I now doubt absolutely everything like if it’s acc OCD for example. Im just newly diagnosed, I think I had it when I was a child, which then turned into an anorexia. Then I was fine for many many years and only recently I stupidly came off my antidepressants cold turkey (that I had been on for 8 years) and it induced all these thoughts/worries. And it’s scary to think I’ll never get the person I was before back all becoz of a dumb irresponsible mistake on my part. Yes self punishment is the worst I would avoid talking/ seeing my boyfriend becoz I constantly feel like I’m lying to him about who I am and feel so guilty and horrible and scared that my fear will be true and I never want to let him down. Felt like I had to sort out and get rid of these thoughts before I could be a good person/girlfriend etc. And it’s difficult to talk to people about it due to the theme and people just don’t get it. When I go to my parents they just reassure me that I’m a good person which we know doesn’t help anything …

Lalala321

Date posted: 1y

@emilyvictoria I’ve been suffering with POCD for 6 months too. It started as relationship OCD. Which was horrible but in comparison would do anything to have that theme back. Therapist say themes don’t matter but honestly feel like they do coz they bring on different feelings. Like before i had a huge fear of being abandoned or cheated on. And now my fear is me being a bad person and that brings on different what ifs and feelings. I always say the same thing if I could go back to that date and just did something different I wouldn’t be in this situation- June 10 th 2023 is when my life literally crumbled. But it’s true what your saying id rather have to go through this now and not when I’m married/have kids. As hopefully I’ll be in a much better place with better tools by then🤞🏼. I haven’t as I live in the UK so the time difference means they all very late at night 😩. I am thinking of joining one in the UK

Thoughts suck

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

It helped to tackle unrelated topics first.

Bradinrichard2

Date posted: 21w

Pocd

I’ve always had ocd. But never experienced pocd until after I got pregnant and was fixing to deliver. Anyone else? I’ve been struggling with this for almost 2 years 😩 and Prozac gives me heart palpitations I’m at my breaking point. Idk who I am anymore. And it’s so hard having to be a mother of two on top of not wanting to do anything bc my brain tells me everything I’m doing is inappropriate ☹️

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

TurbulentSaq112

Date posted: 16w

POCD without guilt or shame

I am 15 years old and my POCD feels like its not POCD, i feel like i like my intrusive thoughts, but i have more intrusive thoughts about having intrusive thoughts, and i feel like i cant enjoy the things i normally enjoy anymore, like calling with my girlfriend and joking with her because this is still in the back of my mind, its making me question morals and if i ever even viewed P as completely wrong and i hate this so much, i love my nieces and nephews and when they're over i know id never do anything with my intrusive thoughts but when they arent present i feel like i like my thoughts. Before this i was dealing with HOCD and ROCD and i wish i could go back to that

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