- Date posted
- 1y
I need help. Desperately.
I can’t take it anymore. It’s so confusing and I hate it. I am a lesbian. Why can’t my ocd just leave me alone?
I can’t take it anymore. It’s so confusing and I hate it. I am a lesbian. Why can’t my ocd just leave me alone?
Honestly! I got triggered really bad when this girl said she was straight and hocd and then ended up being gay and having soocd about men. I was like “can that happen?” So it makes me feel that I will suddenly want to be with girls! 😭 C
@AyseTetik Felt! For me it’s a mix of hypersexuality and taking everything personally as a trauma response. I see a lot of discourse in my walking life, and there’s a lot of biphobia in the lesbian community and because I feel bad for bi ppl now seeing that the community sees bisexuality as a bad thing, I’m like “you only feel bad because your secretly bi and you know it. You have internalized biphobia and you are just repressing it bc you care too much about what others think” and idk. It’s just all a blur now.
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@Anonymous1234567891011 Like a year
@Anonymous1234567891011 Thank you so much. I just feel so trapped. I’m currently breaking down because I feel like I’m not a lesbian anymore. Idk
@Anonymous1234567891011 Did you ever have a moment where you’d see something homophobic and because you’re an ally, your ocd tried to use that as a reason to fuel the belief that you’re not straight? Because that happens to me frequently. I see a lot of biphobia in the lesbian community and I feel bad for bi women being hated for simply being bi and that makes me feel like “oh you must be bi then bc you take offense to what you see about bisexuals”
@Anonymous1234567891011 That’s such a relief to hear omg. It’s just… ugh. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. It really helps.
@Vee <3 Hey! I have soocd too as a straight girl. It’s crazy how I’m afraid of what you enjoy, and you’re afraid of what I enjoy. Even though we both know that if you were really into it, you’d be happy. You’re not alone! X.
@AyseTetik Thank u so much!! <3 Would you like to talk more about it?
Sure! The main fear I’m having at the moment is my attraction suddenly changing from boys to girls. Not because I would care about being gay, but because i simply dont fancy girls! Is this the same for you in reverse? X
@AyseTetik Yes. Like I know for a fact that I’m not attracted to men but I get this constant fear that some day I might be or I’ll find a guy who will change that. And I detest it so much. 😭
Right! Like if I wanna support bisexuality or homosexuality I can’t because my ocd tells me im doing it because I’m part of their community and am just trying to hide it. Crazy. And yeah, it is all like a blur X
@AyseTetik U GET IT OMG. I think one thing that would help you is like… I always tell myself that the difference between denial and the ocd is the fact that even being OPEN to the IDEA of denial isn’t truly denial. If your ocd is telling you that you’re in denial and you feel like “maybe I am” and THAT gives you anxiety in and of itself, then it’s not real denial because ppl in denial wouldn’t even be open to the idea that they’re in denial.
Exactly! And I think being in denial infers that you know the truth. But I know that what ocd is telling us is lies, so it’s not possible to be in denial about it. Like, I’ve been in denial in other aspects of my life, and I know that this isn’t what denial is like! If I knew I was gay, then I would know. And I’d if be in denial but maybe I wouldn’t since I don’t think I’d wanna hide that from anyone. Even then, I’d still know deep down, right? As I do with being straight. X.
@AyseTetik Exactly! Do you also get false attraction or groinal response? Because that’s one thing that kicks my ocd out of the box.
@Vee <3 Definitely! Been experiencing it recently. And loss of attraction too! Messes with me! X
@AyseTetik It’s the absolute worst. Especially now, around the holidays. It should be a happy time yet we are instead plagued with this disorder. I do wish you gentler thoughts and at least SOME kind of relief <3
Same too you! I hope you have a fantastic Christmas and peace from ocd Xx.
@AyseTetik And the way OCD came back stronger and is now telling me I’m just bi with internalized biphobia……………….. like………….. CAN I JUST LIVE😭
@Vee <3 I get you!! Stay strong honestly! You know yourself better than anyone and anything! How was your Christmas? Xx
@AyseTetik It was alright! How was yours?
@Vee <3 It was good! Xx
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd
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