New Mommy Fears: In-Laws

i’m so paranoid about my MIL/FIL/SIL overstepping with my baby! I’m due in 2024 and I literally don’t even want my MIL to hold my child at all because she is so wicked. for several years while my husband and I were dating (started dating at 16 years in old) she constantly bullied, berated, insulted and talked shit about me to everyone. a 16 year being targeted by a 36 year old grown woman. Then even after getting married after 7 years of us dating she still belittles and patronizes me and is so incredibly negative! It’s gotten better since the beginning but she still lies, manipulates, and tries to control everyone around her. But now that i’m pregnant It sickens me the idea of her even looking at my daughter and it bothers me so bad that my child will have her DNA in her. I’m also prematurely annoyed that she’s going to make comments about my daughter if she has any features of her or her family, “Oh she has my fingernails” “she has my great aunts ears”, like stupid shit like that. Ugh. I have several messages prepped and ready to set mine and my husbands boundaries when our daughter is born but i’m also preparing for the backlash. I just keep preparing over and over again what I’m going to say, how i’m going to respond (or not respond), how to avoid, etc. I’m just so prematurely angry about all of the things she will likely do or say in regards to my child and our parenting. She thinks she knows best! She already tells me what I will and will not do with MY CHILD?? and gets so rude and defensive if I say my husband and I say we plan to do XYZ she immediately says “well that’s just not possible, but good luck with that.” she’s just so negative and mean. It’s so exhausting constantly being spoken down to. I am 26 years old, I am not a child. not even MY own mother speaks so down to me! and of all people to see me as a little girl it would be my own mom, not my husbands mom!! She doesn’t see either of us as adults who own a home, have full time careers, have been married for almost 3 years, and have a child of our own on the way and yet she still treats us like we’re incompetent. If we were reliant on them in anyway I can see how that’d taint her view, but my husband and I have never asked for or received any support from either of our families because we don’t want anything be held over our heads so we have always been 100% independent since we turned 18 and refused any assistance offered. It sucks worse bc we live in the same town and we can’t move for at least 1-2 years due to my husbands work! And my husband is very much firm in protecting me and shutting her down but he isn’t always in proximity when she says some of the shit but it’s not the kind of stuff you go back and address later, if that makes sense? My husband constantly reassures me that my fears won’t come true because he won’t let it but I still can’t stop obsessing over it!!!

SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 1y

Sounds like she definitely has some sort of issues. All I can say is - it’s your baby. No one else’s. She does NOT have a say. And I’m sorry but if she cannot respect her sons wife/granddaughters mother then tell her to get fucked and she won’t be seeing the baby at all. If she thinks that’s rude? Go jump (not literally!) just saying, it’s not her place to be telling you what you can and can’t do unless the baby is in harm/danger or something, then she has no say and if my boyfriends mother didn’t respect me as his girlfriend and the mother of her granddaughter believe me she wouldn’t ever see her and I wouldn’t feel sorry for it. I understand it’s your bfs mother, but I’m sure he gets how frustrated this makes you and sad… I would feel sad if my bfs family had nothing nice to say about me ever and lied about me and badmouthed me etc… that just isn’t nice especially if you have never done anything to deserve that? She seems like a narcissist. Just my opinion! Literally they don’t deserve to be a part of that child’s or your life if they cannot respect you: I would never let someone disrespect me in front of my child. No just no. I know it isn’t your fault and you can’t help that she is that way, but you can help if the family has anything to do with bub. Do what’s best for YOU, and YOUR family. Do not let her walk over you, because trust me she will learn real quick to better herself and grow TF up if you cut off any contact from her being able to see her grandchild. Not saying it should come to that, but ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️ if nothing else does the trick, that should. If nothing changes, she obviously doesn’t care enough about her son/granddaughter to try and make effort to be respectful to her sons wife/granddaughters mother.

thmp77

Date posted: 1y

@SadUnicorn3 thank you so much!! i needed that!! you are also spot on, she is 100% a narcissist!

stranger

Date posted: 24w

It’s all going downhill

I’ve been struggling in life in general pretty much this whole year so far. But this week I started thinking about my POCD more and I always try to push through it and go about my day and not let my fears take over. Today my sister randomly told me she’s pregnant. She’s 25 and her boyfriend is 20 and they’ve only been together for a few months. I’m incredibly disappointed and angry with her because it comes off as being so selfish. She can’t take care of herself (neither can he) but they still decide to have a baby. I’m upset. But now I’m also incredibly scared. It’s putting me in a position of having to not only be around but help take care of a baby/kid. I’ve always thought about how one day I’m gonna have to deal with it, but I figured it was later in the future to when I feel more confident in handling my ocd. I also felt that if I were to have to be around a baby/kid all the time that I could mentally spiral and end up killing myself. I hate to make her pregnancy about me but I truly think that in the near future I could possibly get so bad that I come to that point of killing myself. I don’t know if I can handle this right now. I’m scared of how bad I could get. I barely survived the last time and I never had to constantly be around kids. But the times that I had to were the most dreadful times in my life. Of course I’ve gotten better but I still don’t want to be in these scary situations so often. And with her having a kid then I’ll have to be. I don’t think I’m strong enough to constantly push away my fears.

jesusm24

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Possibly a future dad

Hello everyone! Me and my fiancé are planning to have a child and my fear is that like what if I think something bad during intimate time and those thoughts are what comes up when I see my child. Something like that. I know it’s not true and I know I didn’t have another person in mind or anything like that in my head. But now I’m having thoughts about like abortion or a plan b pill and I don’t want that. Any advice? I feel super guilty

Relationship OCD

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 19w

I’m feeling bad now and scared

Hey everyone, I’m going through something that really shook me up and triggered my OCD. Today I was talking to my mom about how people in our family have been talking badly about my cousin, who’s 17 and pregnant. I haven’t told my cousin anything about what they’re saying, because I don’t want to add any stress to her. I’ve honestly tried to protect her from all the drama. But then my mom told me to be careful about what I say to her, because she’s really worried my cousin could have a miscarriage from stress. She said if that happened and I had told my cousin anything, it would be my fault. I think my mom meant it out of concern, like she just wants to protect my cousin—but the way she said it came off as really harsh and it hurt me. Especially because I’ve never said anything to my cousin and I would never want to cause her any stress. Now my OCD is grabbing onto that fear. Even though I haven’t done anything wrong, it’s making me feel like, “What if something happens to the baby and it somehow ends up being your fault?” Logically, I know that doesn’t make sense. But the guilt and anxiety feel so real, and it’s hard to shake.

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New Mommy Fears: In-Laws

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