Vee <3
- Date posted
- 1y
I don’t know anymore.
I feel like I’ve lost myself completely. I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore. This disorder is making me feel like I’ve lost everything.
ZTValenZTValen
- Date posted
- 1y
Yeah, this disorder has a tendency to do that. It's convinced me that I'm many things that I'm not. Ranging from trans, gay, bi, to asexual. Needing an answer also hurt my recovery. Especially when it's something that's at the core of who you are, such as Sexual Orientation. So, you aren't alone in the loss of identity.
sara_0209sara_0209
- Date posted
- 1y
@ZTValen Did you recover?
star1232star1232
- Date posted
- 1y
@ZTValen Trans ocd so hard
ZTValenZTValen
- Date posted
- 1y
@sara_0209 In the sense that my themes don't control my life. The intrusive thoughts are still there, but I'm better equipped to handle them.
ZTValenZTValen
- Date posted
- 1y
@star1232 It is, but OCD is hard in general. Working on your exposures would probably help.
star1232star1232
- Date posted
- 1y
@ZTValen Can you help me ?
ZTValenZTValen
- Date posted
- 1y
@star1232 To some extent, I can give you some advice on what I did for exposures or talk about what I experienced going through TOCD. But, keep in mind, I'm not a licensed mental health professional.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
@ZTValen Would appreciate letting me know how you kept your mind positive threw this. I’m dealing with the same, started with soocd/harm but threw a soocd panic I got tocd and I heard they can overlap. I freaked myself out it’s just wild how ocd waits for you to break down and it just got worse.
sara_0209sara_0209
- Date posted
- 1y
@ZTValen What did it feel like for you that you were convinced to be gay?
star1232star1232
- Date posted
- 1y
@ZTValen Yes I know
ZTValenZTValen
- Date posted
- 1y
@sara_0209 Not pleasant, I can say that much. For me, I know I like women, I'm married to one. But your brain keeps pushing that one thought. It feels like an upheaval of your life. Wrought with anxiety and stress, mixed with identity loss.
ZTValenZTValen
- Date posted
- 1y
@Anonymous For me, I have a strong support system - my wife, specifically. I also keep myself busy with work, hobbies, etc. And I keep working on my exposures, no matter how unpleasant. Trusting and knowing that ERP will help me through this is what keeps me going.
ZTValenZTValen
- Date posted
- 1y
@star1232 Alright, whatever you want to chat about, feel free! I can't guarantee I'll be much help, but I'll try! (That, and I'm off to get a tetanus shot, so I'll be back after that)
star1232star1232
- Date posted
- 1y
@ZTValen Ok, do u have insta ? Or any other app than this
ZTValenZTValen
- Date posted
- 1y
@star1232 Unfortunately, not really. I'm a tad on the older and reserved side, so I kinda keep off of most forms of social media. 🙃
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
@ZTValen Hey @ztvalen recently been struggling bad with tocd and soocd. I remember you said you can chat with someone I just want to know your tools and just have some questions if I’m able too that would be awesome. Thank you
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
feel this 100 percent
AyseTetikAyseTetik
- Date posted
- 1y
Been feeling the same. You'll be okay, remember, ocd has it's ups and downs! X.
Vee <3Vee <3
- Date posted
- 1y
@AyseTetik Thank you! I’ve been getting better however the intrusive thoughts are still there and I’m so confused and feel like deep down I like or want what I imagine :( it’s so hard and I’m so tired :(
AyseTetikAyseTetik
- Date posted
- 1y
@Vee <3 That’s what I’m dealing with right this second! Just intrusive thoughts about women and my ocd is deep down telling me I want it. It’s not causing anxiety which can be even scarier but at the moment I couldn’t care less what it’s saying sometimes because it’s the same cycle each time lol! It is difficult! I know just how you feel! Make sure you just treat the thoughts as thoughts! X.
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Anonymous
- Date posted
- 25w
I feel so different from others
I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.
issphra 🫶🏻
- Date posted
- 24w
I feel like I am OCD
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
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Pogoshow
- Date posted
- 23w
Myself
I feel like I’ve lost who I am , even since my depression and ocd started. I don’t even know what I like anymore:(( I doubt everything I think and it’s so draining because I just want to feel like my old self again😭 I feel like I have no motivation to get better which is bothering me so much because I want too but something is holding me back from doing what I need to do :/ with all my thoughts and doubts , I feel like I can’t trust myself . I don’t know if I’m the only one that feels this much pain
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