Felt genuine happiness today

@BigGyro09 Thanks so much! I hope you’ve been well!

@emilytravelswild You're very welcome. I haven't been doing well sadly, but I hope I'll improve soon. I'm glad you had a good day :)

@BigGyro09 I’m so sorry you’re not doing well. I’m always happy to chat if you need a friend.

@emilytravelswild Thank you very much. You've been such a good help and I really appreciate that I've met you on here. I'm still worried about my health. I've been extremely stressed, poor sleep habits, and I haven't really been taking care of myself all that much. At least I don't think I am. I'm still working on seeing physical help.

@BigGyro09 I hear you. Today I had some sharp pains in my stomach and for a moment I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I was able to focus on something else and the distress went away. One thing I’ve really learned the last few weeks is that the more I focus on something else when the intrusive thoughts hit, the better I end up feeling. It’s the hardest thing but it’s like a muscle. The more you work it the easier it’ll get. Have you been able to focus on any of your hobbies?

@emilytravelswild Distractions do definitely help with unwanted thoughts. Maybe a distraction can help. I haven't been trying to do any hobbies much because of how much the thoughts have been weighing me down but I need to try anyway. I'm sorry you're still getting stomach pains at all. Mine is all over my body at the moment. I'm getting worrying thoughts that it's sepsis.

@BigGyro09 It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but shifting your focus to something you value when the intrusive thoughts hit will be the most important thing you do in your ocd recovery. Something that’s really engaging. Even if just for a few min. What’s something that’s really engaging you could try?

@emilytravelswild I can only think of playing games. But I just feel so much stress and fatigue. Or drawing, but that's easily bothered by the bad thoughts.

@BigGyro09 I know. The thoughts feel all consuming. But this is where you fight for the life you know you deserve. I believe in you!

@emilytravelswild Thank you. I'm going to just try and go on about my day as if nothing is completely wrong oddly enough. I hope it will work and that I just get better. I'm more worried about my physical health than my mental health at the moment. I think it's both an effect of my mental health and medical concerns that I need to address.

@BigGyro09 I know for me, when I stopped giving the OCD so much attention, most of my physical symptoms went away. It was wild because I was convinced I had some fatal illness. I do have a checkup scheduled for Jan 12 so that’s causing some anxiety but needs to be done. Let me know how it goes when you try just going about your day and focusing on other things. You can do this!

@emilytravelswild I'm convinced I have a fatal illness too but I'm really hanging onto hope and trying not to believe that. It's just that, with proof of medical concerns that I have, it's hard not to believe it with how awful I've been feeling lately. My last visits didn't solve the problem though, especially since I was told the problem was technically not even there even though it is. I'm glad you're getting a checkup. I've been playing games and distracting myself as best as I can. I mostly have pressure in my eyes, my head, and my shoulders. But I think I'm okay for now. I'm definitely not looking forward to going to sleep though.

@BigGyro09 Sleep can be so hard. I can relate. Remember that the anxiety and distress we feel as a result of our OCD can bring about a lot of physical symptoms that definitely are real, but do not mean anything is actually wrong. One thing I want to point out is that telling yourself that you’re fine, is technically a compulsion. Don’t feel bad, I still catch myself reassuring too. Have you ever tried saying something like “maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, but I don’t have time to deal with you today, OCD.” And then focusing on something you value. Sometimes when the anxiety is really heightened, you have to really focus on that thing you value. And sometimes it may just feel impossible. But I promise you that the more you focus on something else and not feed into the OCD, the less it will rage.

@emilytravelswild I think I figured out what's wrong with me and why my sleep isn't good: I have a unique kind of infection that isn't detected in a UTI so I have to get it checked out. It hasn't gotten better for months either. Aside from that, I'm still getting intrusive thoughts based on what I'm doing when I'm at such low points. ROCD is now showing up but I'm not in a relationship. I have a crush on someone, or at the very least an interest, but I feel like a bad person because of sexual things coming up and I feel like I'm slipping back into addictive behaviors when I really don't want to. I just really need to focus on getting this treatment for myself and find a way to just abstain from these awful behaviors that aren't good for me. I know they don't help me but I still can't fully keep away from them. I can't help but do compulsions all over the place at the moment..