So anxious after family event

@BigGyro09 Thanks for responding. I guess I just wish that instead of being angry with me, they would’ve reached out. Or even just noticed something was wrong with me. Idk. It’s fine. I think it all comes down to missing my mom. Sigh. I’m glad my advice has helped you, even if for a little bit!

@emilytravelswild Oh.. I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. It sounds like most of these issues stem from your family, which is supposed to be a place of trust, understanding, and love. Do you have close friends that can give you those things? If not, that could be a foundation you can build for sure. I'm really sorry to hear about these problems you've been having. I'm glad your advice helped too!

@BigGyro09 No, I don’t really have any close friends. I have my partner but I feel like I’m a burden on him as he’s the only person I really talk to. I feel like the older I get the harder it is to cultivate meaningful friendships. I really miss having a community. :(

@emilytravelswild Friendship has no limits on age! Making friends can be tough. It is for me as well since I'm not really good at keeping conversations. But I know you can make more friends. Your partner must be very understanding and helpful for you, which is a good thing. If it helps, I think we've been good with helping each other out on here! You really have been helpful and easy to talk to.

@BigGyro09 I agree! It’s been really nice talking to you. My partner is great. I just feel like there should be more of a shelf life to my issues and there isn’t lol. I’ve been traveling the past few years which makes it hard to make friends. But I do have a pretty strong online community. I think I’m just really wanting in person. Im hoping this year when we find a place to settle in, that I’ll be able to build that. Im just impatient lol

@emilytravelswild I hope traveling has been well for you! I know you'll make close friends that will understand what you're going through and stick by you. It's okay if it doesn't happen right away. Eventually it will!

@BigGyro09 Thanks for the support. I really hope to cultivate my own, sort-of misfit family somewhere. People who are super supportive and caring. Since my family wasn’t really that way. I’m sure I’m not the only one and there are people out there who would want a misfit family like I do!

@emilytravelswild I know you can! You'll find a way to get that support you need! Your definitely not alone on this. :) I thought I was alone with my situation but it's far from the case. I just hope that my treatment will be simple and not complicated for my physical issues. I know that you'll be able to have your own community!

@BigGyro09 Physical symptoms are just the worst aren’t they? I’m sure your treatment will go really well. Are you getting therapy on NOCD? I start back up again Thursday and I’m nervous. I also need to find a new trauma therapist…which I’m dreading.

@emilytravelswild I think my physical symptoms are the results of extreme stress and an infection that I have. I know I have the infection though. It's been months since I first got it and I'm hoping my urgent care will take care of this in a simple way. I am getting therapy. Sorry about the trauma you're dealing with.. I have some of that myself with my addiction, which is the reason for my health concern. I'm happy that you still have your therapist for Thursday! Take things at your own pace.

@BigGyro09 I’m sorry to hear about your infection and physical symptoms. Stress is no joke and can absolutely cause us all kinds of issues. Which gives me worse anxiety! Lol. My biggest goal this year is to just go after all the things that bring me joy with everything I’ve got. If it doesn’t bring me joy, then how can I eliminate it? Life is just too short to suffer this much, you know? Also sorry to hear about your addiction. I’ve never personally struggled with it but I’ve had a few family members who have. It’s so hard but I know you can get through it.

@emilytravelswild I'm very glad to hear you don't struggle with addiction. I personally think it's one of the worst things people can through in life. No matter what it is, it's against their will and that sucks. I hope that I can get help with all of it. I do seriously hope treating this doesn't get complicated. I read it's easy to cure. Stress and OCD are definitely nothing to let slide, you're right about that. Extreme stress can do so much to the body. For me, I'm getting aches all over my back, my shoulders, and in a tooth oddly enough. I'm also hoping all of this is gone once I get treated

@BigGyro09 Hi friend. I’ve had a rough few days. How are things going with you? Thanks so much for checking in 💖

@emilytravelswild You're welcome! It's nice to hear from you again! I have also had rough days. I'm still worrying about my health but I think I'm doing okay for now. How's everything with OCD?

@BigGyro09 The ocd is flaring again. An old symptom came back, and the mental compulsions are just taking over. 😢

@emilytravelswild I'm so sorry to hear that :( The same had happened to me. A physical symptom and anxiety have been rough lately. Have you found a therapist by any chance? What have you been up to try and make your days easier?

@BigGyro09 Yes, I’ve been seeing my therapist regularly and I really love her! It’s just hard. Certain symptoms just make me completely panic. And then the rumination of trying to figure them out. It’s so exhausting. As for what I’ve been doing lately. I’ve really dove into reading, my business and hung out with a friend last night who I haven’t seen in months. It was really nice. What about you? What have you been up to?

@emilytravelswild I'm glad you got to see your friend and I'm glad that you have a good time with your therapist! That's great! I've just been working with my therapist and trying to get through all of my worries really. I know how hard it is to not ruminate and it completely sucks. The panic is unbearable too. I think it's what's causing other physical symptoms I'm feeling. I've mainly just been trying to relax

@BigGyro09 The panic is so real and awful! I’m so sorry you experience it too. What things have been helping you relax? Feels like I’ll never get proper rest again rn. I’m just so hyper focused on everything and it’s keeping the anxiety so high.

@emilytravelswild I feel exactly like you do! I have trouble with sleep all the time. I get horrible thoughts when it's time to sleep every night. I don't think I really have anything relaxing me, just background noises to distract from thinking about intrusive thoughts. I think OCD made me forget how to fully relax.

@BigGyro09 I feel that last part so much. It’s like, when I do relax or sleep, it’s not restful, so I never feel rested. Honestly it feels like I could sleep for a year if I could actually relax. I’m really struggling with learning how to relax in the midst of an OCD flare up….

@emilytravelswild A whole year's worth of sleep would really be something. Much like bears when they hibernate. What have you talked about with your therapist? What advice has she given you so far?

@BigGyro09 Haha yes, just like a bear. I want to hibernate lol. I don’t even think I’ve brought this up with her yet. I have so much amnesia from the anxiety that it’s hard to remember what we discuss. Are you in therapy rn? How’s yours going?

@emilytravelswild I hate forgetting things in the moment no thanks to anxiety.. I've had that happened to me before. I would like to hibernate like a bear too. It'd be relaxing. I am in therapy, yes! It has been very helpful in a variety of ways. I've realized a lot of things about myself that anxiety I think made me forget. I need to work on my self esteem, and I've been letting out a lot of concerns I've had about myself. I think it's been going pretty well. You should definitely take notes after sessions you have! That's helped me a ton.

@BigGyro09 I’m so glad to hear therapy has been helping you! Taking notes after a session is a good idea. I’m just usually so tired. Therapy is great, but draining for me but maybe I can just take a few notes to help me remember. Thanks for the tip! I relate so much to what you said about anxiety making you forget things. I literally forget so much when the OCD is flaring. And it’s all things that go along with the story OCD is trying to get me to believe. I’m having a really bad day today. I just want to drive to the ER but what will that do….I’ll just be back at the same place mentally next week. Feels like I had made so much progress and it’s all lost.

@emilytravelswild You're welcome! I'm glad that it helps! I think in general writing to ourselves can help because it helps put things into perspective better than what our thoughts are saying to ourselves. It also can be helpful to get a second opinion from someone like your therapist! I'm sorry that you've just been so tired and been feeling down. Just know that you're trying your best. Also, all of your progress is not gone. Not at all. Some days are really tough but you've gone through a lot of progress with your therapist and you've been working together to come to several solutions that can help you. What's making you want to go to the ER? I'm guessing it's physical symptoms. Please try to just sit them out. Going to the ER and having them tell us they we're fine seems like enough but it isn't.. I know how that is and I really wish it was enough. It reminds me of how many times I went to my health clinic last year just to be sure that there wasn't something wrong with me. I hope your day has gotten a little bit better. Sorry that it wasn't too good. :(