- Date posted
- 1y
rant about the world and about harm ocd
Everything seems soo sad like life was so beautiful as a small child then i turned into a teen saw the horrors of life and got stuck in that black hole ever since, 21 years old and stuck in the hole, i found meditation helps and staying away from drugs and alcohol. They say the brain declines as you age, the thoughts of war and prisons, death, and the way the human brain is so delicate scares me, i know i cant handle drugs and alcohol anymore, ive had enough relapses, oh man you guys should have seen how it took a toll on my mental health i looked like a complete schizophrenic when these things were going on, for whatever reason my brain stopped agreeing with those substances and every time i used i would experience violent images or voices in my head severe paranoia and just put in this disturbing place. COCAINE I don’t plan on going back. I just fear for myself, u know how Jesus had a life of happiness and then one day out of the blue he was beaten till the point of being unrecognizable and tortured on a cross, i feel like that, like the world is stressful and the end point is death, Sure momentarily i can have hope for the time being, ive been sober a long time now, life throws its swings, life punches and kicks, they say even Jesus was put in prison a few times leading up to that, i often wonder why the world is so cruel i mean look around you war in Hamas war in Ukraine, our troops gather and shoot and kill for fun, i overheard a sergeant telling the troops, “you will eat sleep and breath fire” , the fallen nature of man, We kill other animals to feel pleasure upon our tongues, our families grow old and die, Our presidents love to commit mass murder, its a war every day for them, the world leaders control everything and steal our money we earn all so we can dwell on their land, this life is stressful y’all, its the sad reality of life, i work on my mental health and i work for this and that all to have it tooken away from me, man you get sick all a sudden and have the flue or a worse disease like covid, i know a man who used to body build so dedicated to squatting and building his legs, few years pass and he ends up paralyzed from the waste down due to a accident at work, Our years we have are short, we were given life, make the best of it while u can, Go out to eat, go spend time with your family, express your feelings to them, Go shopping, go travel, go do something that makes you happy in a healthy way. Is there anyone who feels like me, If heaven is real i want to be there this world is miserable. Crazy to think dinosaurs dwelled here on this earth before us, Crazy to think we live somewhere in the middle of outer space, you read the letters on the screen and you feel the emotion to it, so many different languages, so divine this creation is, i do have some good times dont get me wrong, i just hate having harm ocd false memory ocd, i just hate the ending of the story, the twists and turns, you know i wish everything could be peaceful for everything that lives on this earth but as i said, its just not, right now as you read thousands of Americans are in solitary confinement in prison, with just their thoughts, no human interaction, then u have some president at the top of the world vacationing while he sends thousands of troops to destroy a city in hopes of solving his problems, I feel no freedom as an american, you can make a mistake at any point in time and then your thrown away into a cell with no books no pens just pissy floors with a bed that smells like piss, just you and your thoughts all alone, looking out that little window, even for small crime. Best to avoid all things that lead to crime now obviously, its just like, i have a family you know and i just seen to many of them die in ways that weren’t the best cancer dementia, car crash, and they leave us behind, one thing that gives me hope is “The story of garabandal “ Or things like nde experiences where people get pronounced dead for 30 minutes to an hour and they say they are floating out side of their body and they could see their body being operated on from above the table and all the sudden a light being comes and takes them to heaven and gives them life reviews and a message to take back to earth idk there is thousands of testimonies like this , some people have these experiences and say they even have seen hell, idk I do believe in God i just feel kind of lost in this world. I seek peace and love, thats all, when will the world ever know what peace and love is, are these things only possible in “heaven “. I cant wait to go. Idk Something created all this mess. I think i just want happiness, just everything i see happening on the day to day rips a black hole in my chest . Anyone feel this way ?