- Username
- Anonymous78
- Date posted
- 1y ago
A very long and hopeful message!
For the past 3 months, I’ve been dealing with a sort of forced exposure in my life that has involved two of my themes (relationship and moral scrupulosity) in a very real way. A mixture of real relationship struggles, world events and conflicts have forced me to really address the top of my fear hierarchy, ready or not. I’m not gonna lie. It has SUCKED and there have been MANY days when I could not function normally. I had lots of insomnia, trouble eating, not being able to be productive or feel enjoyment. My mind felt so dark and scary. It felt like hell, mentally and physically. But I’m slowly getting better at accepting uncertainty. (There’s a lot of it in my life right now!) I went on Luvox after being off of meds for a year and at the moment it seems to be helping! My intrusive thoughts are still there just…less intrusive. The problems triggering my anxiety aren’t gone. Things might resolve. They might get worse. My relationship could progress positively. It could end badly. These are all real possibilities and I would obviously be deeply upset by a negative outcome. But right now I’m choosing to just 🤷🏻♀️ and live in the moment. That’s a big deal for me because my whole life I’ve been so bad at that. I’m focusing on developing good habits and self-care. One of the best tools my therapist taught me was “Do I really need to know this to _____?” Do I need to know how this conflict is going to turn out in order to wake up, go to work, play my music or hang out with my friends? Nope! I’m just taking it moment by moment and task by task. The thoughts are still there and they still suck, but they sting less. I’ve been taking baby steps that might seem insignificant to some ERP pros, but I think it’s working! I could totally feel panicked tomorrow and start ruminating again. But right now I’m OK, and I’m OK with right now. This super long message is to say that even after what feels like hell, there can be hope and you CAN improve. Your baby steps—even just increased awareness—make a difference. It’s not gonna be linear but there will be moments of respite! Just keep going even if you feel like you can’t! Every tiny step is a huge victory and really makes a difference❤️✨