Can someone tell me how SOOCD is my brain trying to keep me safe? 8+ years constantly wanting the feeling that I’m gay to go away. Ever since this thought popped in, I can’t stop FEELING like it’s true and I am actually gay. Why would my brain do that? How is that my brain keeping me safe? If anyone could logically go through how this theme works, that would be great.
Forget the theme for a sec. I’ll just try to explain OCD in general. We all have values and beliefs we cherish. Everyone on earth fears that something they don’t want to happen will end up happing from time to time. However, people with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), obsess over the possibility of our fears coming true. So, when these thoughts appear of things we don’t want to happen, we get anxious. Anxiety is what tells humans that we’re in trouble. Only with OCD, we’re not actually in trouble. It’s just that we fear something so greatly that we think we’re in trouble. So, next, we do compulsions. These are things we do that help relieve the anxiety (but only temporarily).
I think you're confusing OCD with fight or flight located in the hypothalamus. Now for many OCD sufferers our obsessions are central to fears that we perceive may hurt us. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) involves complex interactions among various brain regions and neurotransmitter systems. While both the hypothalamus and the amygdala play roles in brain function, neither is solely responsible for OCD. The basal ganglia, particularly the cortico-striato-thalamo-cortical (CSTC) circuit, is more closely associated with OCD. However, the amygdala is involved in emotional processing, and the hypothalamus plays a role in regulating various physiological processes. So, while these regions have functions related to behavior and emotion, OCD is not directly controlled by either the hypothalamus or the amygdala. In other words OCD is linked to various brain systems and is complicated so we still don't understand it fully. You can have obsessions about order, symmetry, things that feel gross, or really about any topic because OCD uses our own thoughts which cover everything.
These are the different ways OCD can manifest. Threats are just one component. Inflated responsibility. Overestimation of threat. Intolerance of uncertainty. Perfectionism. The importance of one’s thoughts. The importance of controlling one’s thoughts.
It all started two months ago when I was making scenarios in my head to fall asleep.. i was imagining myself kissing a man and then it turned into a woman. The moment that happened, I opened my eyes and panicked.. it was complete panic, i started sweating, crying and I couldn’t function anymore. I started asking myself “am i gay”, “i have to come out to my boyfriend”, “i have to come out to everyone”, it was all within the span of 10 minutes… soooo overwhelming!! My mind acted as if I was gay, I lost my sense of identity, I couldn’t even trust myself anymore even when I reassured myself. It was such an awful cycle, to look at any person, a man to make sure i was straight, and a woman to make sure I wasn’t gay… i feel ashamed saying this. If i looked at a woman a certain way, like oh she’s pretty, my mind would say yes u see ur gay. After two months, I imagine any interest with a female stranger as a confirmation of being gay, I’m so nervous all the time, i start sweating and checking for groinal responses (the worst is when the response happens).. i cant afford a session with a therapist now, and i keep saying that i dont have OCD, im in denial, and that one day ill be gay. Can someone offer some insight on wether this sounds like OCD?
Question - my mind uses any trigger to prove I am gay. My mind kind of auto defaults to the ‘worst case scenario’. I’m kind of stuck in this mindset that I ‘believe it’, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be suffering from the ongoing anxiety. Do others have a similar feeling? Concern? Experience? I’ve been battling what I think is SOOCD since I was about 25/26. Literally overnight it felt like my brain broke. Infatuated by a new GF, woke up. Had the thought “you feel nothing for her”. Obsessive worry, figuring out why. Led to “you are gay”. I’ve been diagnosed twice by two seperate therapists, but as we know, it’s hard to believe you have ocd. Ultimately, I’ve never thought of men in a romantic way until my brain broke. I still don’t think I do, but I can’t stop being sick with anxiety that I have changed or that I’m lying to myself?
I’m in a really bad panic at the moment re my ocd. I’m trying so hard to accept the thoughts/feelings and accept how real and true it all feels, despite the panic and anxiety. I read somewhere that you can clearly tell the difference between a thought about your sexuality being true vs an ocd thought. It said if the thoughts/feelings/narrative makes you feel panic, anxiety and dread, like you don’t want the thoughts, then it’s ocd. If they make you feel warm, content and normal, then they’re likely not ocd. Is that how people and psychologists differentiate? My situation is that I’m a 36 year old male that never questioned or had to question my sexuality until one day at 26, I had the question pop up “are you gay”. Since then, it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore. Questioning, checking, anxious 24/7, wanting to escape myself. Help :(
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