- Date posted
- 1y
Possible sexual OCD?
On December 31st, 2023, my brain decided to create the most disturbing image possible of a person and I from my school supposedly doing the deed/me getting violated. It bothered me so much, until I started to imagine it as a poster shredded up in a machine. It rarely comes to my mind now. However, since then, it seems like any guy remotely close to my age I pass by, my brain will remember their face and begin creating disturbing inappropriate thoughts and images. It has happened twice now since that day. There were no events leading up to the first thought and since my brain gets foggy fast, it won't allow me to remember much (I guess this could be one of those instances where your brain blocks out traumatic memories). Having a partner makes it worse. I'm deeply upset at myself knowing he'll be scared I'll see another man who I have no attraction or affinity towards and have these intrusive thoughts. He has however been as supportive as he can. I've cried about it a few times now, but compared to my normal crying, this feels way less intense and only lasts a few minutes which I don't understand why and feel bad about not being able to "react enough." It could be my brain telling me "this isn't a big deal" when I've cried over many other things that are unlikely to happen and or things that won't happen anytime soon. I've been told its normal, I'm a hypochondriac, but if the definition of normal hasn't been changed to "feeling like an insane asylum patient" then I won't be calling it normal, but more like "common." Moreover, my intrusive thoughts have felt even slightly conscious. As in my brain is trying to make me believe I like them when I don't. My brain might still be developing, but I am terrified for how long these thoughts might persist. I could probably call the thoughts episodes since they stick around for 10 minutes and then come back later. Now everytime I see another man or these thoughts come back, my stomach gets a mix of stomach knot and stomach drop feeling. If I'm not currently in an episode, I can easily distract myself, but the thoughts still linger and now make everyday life more bothersome. I don't know why or how these thoughts started, but they've been terrible and made me feel both disgusting and disgusted. I'm however glad I don't get groinal responses to these thoughts. To summarize all of this, I'm just asking for reassurance from others with similar experiences and possible solutions to these dehabilitating thoughts.