I've been constantly exposing myself to triggers for months now and I just get overwhelmed and worse. I'm so tired and my nerves just feel shot, even though I'm tired my head keeps going... What am I missing?
hm maybe you need to slow down and start with tinier exposures like a level 3 or something? I know is so hard. im thinking of just doing exposures for like 2 months then checking in and seeing if it was worth it after> but yeah its hard to be like in constant terror
Yeah that's what I sought of thought. It's hard because I'm actually on holiday with my partner in another country for two and a half weeks... it's not possible to dial the exposures back unfortunately. Not sure how to get through these weeks
@Nate_093 I'm with her family as well, they don't understand OCD which makes it difficult. They want to socialise (have parties), go on trips elsewhere, do so many things. I'm just so overwhelmed
@Nate_093 Oof that sounds so hard!! Its so hard like asking or communicating that you need time alone. Maybe tell ur parter u need time to like journal or something and like use that time to be urself and let it all out! I once went to germany with a bf and his family.... was rly awful i had to leave!!
Maybe you are struggling inwards with mental compulsions while doing ERP? I did and wasn't successful. I had to learn to willingly allow the feelings and thoughts to be there - than it worked out much better. What you resist persist.
I have thought that as well. Is thinking about your OCD a compulsion?
@Nate_093 Can be, but not necessary. It's about the purpose. If it is to gain control and make anxiety go away it is.
@Estrid That's exactly what I'm trying to do, I'm a control freak even for my thoughts
@Nate_093 It's like I'm trying to find a way to not be uncomfortable all the time
@Nate_093 I get you. Have you tried mindfulness meditations? To be more of a observer of your thoughts instead of engage in everyone?
@Estrid Yeah, I'm constantly trying to be mindful. I've got a history of like 25 years of OCD rooted in my brain. So I struggle to be mindful alot, I'm hoping I can train myself to be mentally stronger one day.
@Nate_093 I have lived with OCD for 30 years, I get you. I hope to bring you some hope - you can develope new pathways in the brain. The last months I have practiced breathing meditations 20 minutes a day and I can see how it really helps me to be more strong in my mind.
@Estrid It's very difficult to practice anything else when OCD is all you ever knew. Thank you, I'll keep practicing mindfulness, I struggle to meditate because I'm also ADHD but there's heaps of other mindfulness practices I can do. One day I hope to be mentally strong again
@Nate_093 I hope so too. Hang in there!
In addition to ERP to me it is superimportant to exercise my mental health with the help of daily meditations and learn to relax my body. A tense body give rise to anxiety.
Yea if you’re getting overwhelmed it’s likely that you’re not doing the response prevention part well and are resorting to physical or mental compulsions. As others have suggested try starting with the tiniest of triggers before working up. You need to learn how to feel the feelings and not resort to compulsions, and that’s easier when the anxiety is lower.
Are you doing this by yourself, or with a therapist?
By myself at the moment, I've unintentionally triggered alot of ocd by going overseas with my partner
@Nate_093 I do have a therapist though
@Nate_093 That’s good. I sometimes imagine the thoughts as a balloon that expands in my head then escapes out of my ear. It’s a thought interrupting exercise, but it can become a compulsion if you feel you have to do it. But it’s helped me
Research “observe, describe and participate” strategies as part of DBT therapy. Great mindfulness techniques
Can you give me some examples of your ERP so maybe I can help?
Yeah sure, the worst one is anything to do with my partner. E.g I don't deserve to feel love and affection. So I try to allow myself to feel these emotions, it's so hard when in already stressed out. This one affects me so much, as it's happy emotions like these that really make life worth living.
@Nate_093 So what do you say to yourself as an exposure?
@StoicGuy I thought exposing myself to what stresses me out is the exposure?
@Nate_093 No, I don't think that would be enough. That's being mindful and tolerating the anxiety but I'd add dialogue such as maybe I don't deserve to feel love. If it's not improving there must be a compulsion you're doing such as mentally reassuring yourself that you'll be fine or that you deserve love. I don't think it's the emotions you're afraid of I think it's the fact you don't deserve love or will be unloved. That's what you need to embrace with uncertainty. Remember you're not agreeing you are unloved just that there is a chance it could be true, however small.
@Nate_093 Look deeply and try to find the core fear. That's what you need to address.
@StoicGuy That makes sense, although it sounds terrifying lol. Thank you, I'll give that a go
@Nate_093 Well that's OCD. It finds our most terrifying fear. My core fear is going to hell by accidentally harming someone. Even though I know I wouldn't harm someone OCD tells me I can't take the chance so I have to perform compulsions to "make sure" that no one is ever harmed. Can't get more terrifying than that. I have to accept that there is no way for me to know if something is contaminated so I must live with uncertainty. Even if I washed my hands a hundred times I still can't be certain. We trick ourselves into feeling certain when we do compulsions but no one can ever be certain about anything.
@StoicGuy Yeah that's true, how do I stop using the mental dialect as a way to suppress thoughts?. I just tried agreeing with my thoughts saying "well maybe I do or I don't deserve to feel love" and that was enough to push the thought into the back of my mind. I almost found it too easy, which was weird.
Yeah I've been trying to convince myself for 11 years lol. Nothing is ever good enough for my head, plus there's other "what if" thoughts that have spun off it as well. Like what if he's died as a result of a head injury you caused him. It's gotten quite complex in my head I will consult my therapist, but yeah if I get over that thought, alot of this goes away.
Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed and worn out mentally. When I'm like this it feels counterintuitive like I'm not getting any better. OCD is a horrible thing...
I think my problem is as well that when this initially flared up I got traumatised from it, so I'm also carrying trauma as well which complicates things
I think most OCD carries some trauma with it. You can talk to a therapist and see if they treat trauma and OCD at same time but I'm unsure. To answer your last question about suppressing thoughts it is simple in practice but tough because most can't sit with the fear. You only need to recognize the thought. Say to yourself " this is an OCD thought" then accept it may happen and sit with the anxiety. Do this with every OCD thought that comes until the anxiety reduces.
@StoicGuy I've got a therapist that I've just started with that's qualified with trauma so fingers crossed she can snap me out of it. I actually dug a little deeper into my thoughts and found the thought that's driving it all. I hurt someone like 11-12 years ago, this is driving the I don't deserve thoughts. Trying ti accept this is something that I haven't been able to do in years, I hope that one day I can. Thank you for you help man, I appreciate it.
@Nate_093 No one is perfect, so if that were a requirement to deserve love then no one would be allowed. Self compassion and forgiveness is important. You've suffered 11 years I think most would agree you served your penance. This is a tricky one, I'm not sure if it's reassurance to recognize you deserve love and affection. I'd ask your therapist.
ERP never worked for me
It's too much for me right now, and I'm really struggling. Like really bad. Right now, um going to just focus on letting thoughts go, like... IDK MINI ERP? I'm going to try not to analyze them. It's too much for me, trying to figure out what's a compulsion, what's ocd, what's not... I've gotten worse, I is thinking. I don't know if I'm doing it wrong or something, and I have a therapist on NOCD and stuff, but it's just not working. Not now, at least
I've been exposed to an absolute barrage of triggers over the last four days after months without any exposure. Doing my absolute best to practice ERP but almost in a state of shock.
It feels like I can never even get to be able to get there. It shakes me to my core and writing out my fears, triggers, and compulsions today for my therapist made my OCD finally feel real and that it’s not just my anxiety. Has anyone else struggled with this? Any tips for newbies who are scared 💩less?
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