New OCD

Hi everyone this is going to be a long introduction. When I was much younger I struggled with debilitating anxiety I worked on myself and took medication and got so much better. Since then I have been living a normal life up until about 6 months ago. I became pregnant with my second child. At 16 weeks pregnant I lost the baby I ended up hemorrhaging being rushed to the hospital having emergency surgery and the entire experience was absolutely horrifying. I thought I was doing so much better until recently when I started experiencing neck issues. I know this sounds extremely weird but I feel like I constantly have to crack or stretch my neck it drove me crazy to the point where I went to a chiropractor and had X-rays done and adjustments. Which made me feel better for a little bit and then it came back. I find myself thinking about how my neck feels and having to be cracked constantly and then I’m on the internet researching how cracking my neck can affect me and a million other things. I have also been experiencing anxiety over it to the point where I took some prescribed Valium to help me get through the day. I am a hypochondriac I have always since I was a little kid been absolutely consumed about dying or having something horrible wrong with my health. I dwell on how scary the thought of having a heart attack or stroke or anything is to the point where I have gone to the hospital for random weird feelings and things I have experienced that were nothing but self inflicted anxiety. I did not think I ever had OCD until very recently since I started researching it. I have noticed a pattern now throughout my life of worrying about everyone I love dying and worrying about me dying and how it will happen and what will happen. I used to tighten my chest repeatedly until it would hurt and I couldn’t get myself to stop until I finally got a hold of myself and stopped. Then I went to every doctor imaginable to make sure I was ok and had a million tests done. Now I’m doing the neck cracking and constantly thinking about my neck. I have talked to my primary doctor and chiropractor who both say it’s a anxiety/ocd manifestation and nothing is wrong with me. I was doing so well until I lost the baby and it stirred this all up for me. I’m desperately reaching out for help at this point. I want to travel and be happy and enjoy the one life I have to live. Instead I’m a prisoner in my own mind and body and I can’t enjoy anything because I can’t get out of my own mind and fears long enough to enjoy the moments I’m in. I also have a beautiful amazing 3 year old daughter that keeps me going and I want to be the best version of myself for her. Thank you for listening to my rant I look forward to hearing experiences and meeting other people out there like me. Sometimes it just helps to know your not alone. I find myself watching the people around me and saying see look at them they are so happy nothing is wrong with them. Nobody else experiences what I am going through.

thereishope:)

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y

Hi Labella7117, thank you for posting. I have some great news for you - you are in fantastic company in this community! Many others, including myself, deal with OCD related to our health, so a lot of what you're saying pertaining to your thoughts is very relatable. I have some even better news - just know that there is always help and there is always hope! I recommend you connect with one of the wonderful OCD-focused therapists on this network. They change so many people's lives for the better, and hopefully can provide the proper guidance to make you feel like you are back to the "best version of yourself." Godspeed on your journey, and God Bless you and your family :)

3xDisorders

Date posted: 25w

Trying but struggling

First post... I ruminate all the time, getting triggered by the smallest things that remind me of terrible events in my life or fears tied to my compulsions. It could be as small as a lawyer looking at my LinkedIn profile and me convincing myself that means I'm getting sued. Or even an article about taxes that makes me spiral into thinking I'm negligent. I could be fine one minute & wonder if I'm making it all up and then cry for two hours the next, cursing people who are neurotypical and wishing I could be like them. I tried talk therapy for two years and now I'm doing NOCD + ERP because I'm pregnant and had to reduce my dose of medication. Pregnancy almost made my OCD mental compulsions worse, and I got diagnosised with MDD, too. Not to mention the skin picking disorder I've had since childhood. It's becoming really hard to be positive despite a daily gratitude journal, walking 5k steps a day, and doing calming yoga with the occasional meditation when things get really bad. I'm trying, I really am. But having three diagnosed disorders makes me feel like I'm set up to fail despite having a wonderful husband and life, plus my coming first baby. It makes me feel like a horrible person when everything around me is seemingly fine but I can't seem to focus enough on the present to appreciate it. I feel so lost about it all and am plagued by guilt and shame. Does anyone else relate?

Aprilshowers...

Date posted: 17w

My OCD

Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.

galina

Date posted: 16w

New here and want to connect

I’m new to treatment and only realized I have OCD a few months ago. I went through a tough and abusive marriage and ended up getting divorced. I had my first panic attack several years ago and ended up needing to go on Lexapro. This helped me significantly and allowed me to leave my partner. Several years later and I decided to stop Lexapro because I thought I was good to go. I’m in a very healthy relationship, have a great job, friends/family, go to the gym and have a wonderful life. It’s been about a year off the meds and I’ve had some panic, but I’ve been able to manage it. For some reason, the last three weeks has been really difficult for me. I have different spirals and different thought processes: what if I’m schizophrenic? What if I have a deeper mental disorder? What if I hurt someone? What if I need to leave my partner? What if I end up becoming so depressed that I end up hurting myself? My brain just goes from one what if to the next and once I conquer one, the next one pops up with even more intensity. I started taking NAC and inositol and I’m taking saffron during the day because I really don’t wanna go on back on medication but sometimes my thoughts scare me and I’m convinced that I’m not gonna get better and I know that’s just the OCD loop, but I’m wondering if this resonates with anyone else!

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