It seems like the toughest thing is to continue my day and get out of bed even though I have intrusive thoughts. Starting to think my response of quiting or throwing the day away is my ritual that needs to end.
Getting out of bed can be SO HARD sometimes. But it sounds like you're on the right track by letting go of the all-or-nothing thinking that the day is worthless/lost if it starts imperfectly with a struggle.
I’m not sure if my original comment went through. In the past, and even at times now I struggle with that cycle of giving in. With ocd it’s hard to ground yourself especially when the intrusive thoughts can be very triggering. I use the mantra a lot to bring a indifference point of view with my ocd, “I’m not a good or bad person.” To not limit who I am as a person. We are all human. I use stuffed animals for comfort when I freak out with my ocd. Finding things that can ground us is good too. I hope this helped!
I feel this so hard. Its been freezing cold out, I havent seen the sun yet n days. I have a good job that I can work from home when I want, but I just stay in my bed the whole time and take naps throughout the day. Ive been sleeping 15 hours a day lately. I dont want to die but id rather be asleep than deal with this. My wife is so upset.
@Ryan Mullen Yeah I hear ya Ryan . Im in florida its raining all the time. I dont have a good job or a relationship because of my ocd. I do work from home though and it seems thats the only time Im out of bed. Same with the rather be asleep every day I try to get up and get my day going. I never feel right so I never do. I guess have to do it no matter how I feel hopefully feel better later idk. Quiting seems to be my ritual that gets me anxiety relief.
Just feels like in this cycle of quiting getting relief then beating myself up because I quit.
Each night I go to bed determined to stop compulsions and start beating this disorder. Then I wake up and it smacks me in the face first thing and I’m doing a compulsion before I know it. I told my therapist that I would try to handle it like we do in session, but I’ve already failed. It seems like I can’t bring ERP into my “real” life.
Living with OCD is a daily challenge that tests my strength and resilience. Some days, it feels like OCD controls my thoughts and actions, affecting my choices and routines. However, I am determined to take back my life. I choose to face these challenges directly, embracing each moment with new confidence and a commitment to personal growth. Every step I take shows my willpower and my desire to overcome the limits that OCD imposes on me.
Often times I find myself spiraling out in the morning about all sorts of things. When I try and catch myself and figure out what I am obsessing over it’s like it goes away. I haven’t moved. I have been sitting frozen on the floor because I can’t go to work because I am behind on work and I hate being late and I hate being messy but I am frequently late and my room is cluttered and full of stuff. I want to be good and move and go to work but I don’t know what is coming today and I hate my job so I know I will get bored and when I have nothing to keep me busy and engaged I like start thinking and taking an inventory of what is going on and then I will feel a sensation and what is the sensation? How did it happen? And I know that I will pick up the bad emotions in the office and get contaminated, I was really worried about things like this as a kid too I cried because I had to touch dirt in kindergarten. I know I am this way and I have been this way for a while but at the same time I think I might just be normal and like I don’t know why I get stuck in thinking like this. Then I begin to doubt that OCD is real because everyone has a brain with wiring and everyone gets stuck in thought sometimes. I feel disabled from whatever this is because I am stuck. I literally cannot move because I don’t know what’s wrong and I know I have to go to work even though I feel like every moment I spend there is making everything worse because other people are so stressed and I get it from them. And I don’t feel ready because I just feel off and something is wrong and I just don’t know what to do because if it’s OCD or not OCD everything anyone knows about me is coming from me and I worry that I am often masking all the thinking I’m doing because thinking all the time is rude and inconsiderate and inconvenient for those around me, but I can’t stop. I just don’t feel right, right now - and I want to know WHY?? Why is everything off all the time? How do I even know that I am not making up the experience of OCD in my head to cover up something really wrong with me and now I am taking on the symptoms of OCD like an actress, because this could be something that I can latch onto as a final hope for explaining why I am stuck. So stuck so deeply and terribly stuck sitting on my floor next to my bed just scrolling to avoid thinking because any time I start thinking I am left with no answers or help or anything just this swirly feeling. I know I am trying, maybe not my best, but as much as I possibly can. I want to be a Special Education Teacher but I have so much so so so much doubt and uncertainty about every decision I make and everything I know that I can’t get there right now. I can’t do anything right now until it feels ok and then I will. It never feels ok. I know I have to be ok not feeling ok about it. I can be unsure and still be ok. I know it’s just my thinking and my body but I just can’t get past this feeling. And then I know that because I can calm myself and be ok even though I spent 2 hours of my life today already feeling stuck and spinning around and around and around in my head - I don’t feel sure about my OCD and I think it’s a bit of a scam made up by people to cultivate pathology around deep human thought because one day I might figure it out and we all think a lot.
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