- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
You can and will succeed in moving past OCD.
About 11 months ago, I entered a turbulent period in my life. I'd just moved to a new city, there was some visible instability in my company, inflation was tightening my budget, I had a high volume of social and professional obligations that left me drained, a truck that wouldn't start, and two young children (whom I love dearly) that like to really test boundaries. There's more I could go on about, but I think you're getting the picture. One day, an anxious thought popped into my head, and I couldn't shake it. I started trying to reason with it, and then one thought became many. I started avoiding certain things because of these thoughts, I started engaging in mental "loops" to reassure myself that these thoughts and fears were not true and could not become true. That lasted for a few weeks, and then some new challenges in my career and personal life sent me into a state of always-on anxiety. I'm talking no sleep, no eating, no socializing, and absolute dread for any required activity or responsibility. And I was consumed by the power of these thoughts, non stop, always on, always needing reassurance. I became, very quickly, a responsibility to my wife rather than her partner, and I saw the toll this took on her. I noticed her healthy habits change and her outlook begin to decline. I felt, honestly, like a burden. One night, I was googling intrusive thoughts and OCD, (as one does!) and I came up on NOCD. I read about how in ERP practice you can learn to become dismissive of these thoughts and that SCARED me. I read threads on this app, and they frightened me too. How could I ignore these terrible thoughts and concerns? My life would fall apart if any of these fears materialized! I can't let my guard down! I certainly can't vocalize any of these fears to another person, either, they would think way less of me. I was SCARED to call. I called anyway. #GoodMove The person who picked up was just like me. Someone who'd been through OCD, and they explained the process. They said it would be hard at times, and that I wouldn't like it, but I would likely succeed if I stuck with it. Anything to give me my life back, I thought, and I agreed to the intake process. A few weeks later, I met my therapist, Kellie, and after my first call with her, I felt like I was seen and understood. I remember a lot of our first conversation, but the big takeaways were: these fears are pretty normal. The fears prey on the areas of your life that mean the most to you (in my case: family, career, and reputation), but most importantly - these fears are not real. Then we got to work, and after about 7 months now, I've learned how to be comfortably uncomfortable. That is, how to tolerate all the discomfort that the modern world will throw your way. In today's session, we discussed updates on my life, and I was pleased to share that I am virtually 100% free from OCD symptoms and disruption in my life. I wanted to take a moment to share this with you, too, anonymous reader. I know I may have symptoms again, (I had a few today), but they don't sting like they used to any longer. The symptoms no longer have an impact on my life. Now, when I notice an unpleasant thought or fear, I take 30 seconds to check in with myself on the stress level I have and what I can do to alleviate that stress. My anxiety is actually working as intended, now. I want you to know, that if you're going through the kind of mental anguish I was dealing with every day, that you can overcome this and you will be all the better for having done it. Never give up on yourself. Keep pushing. All my best to you for reading this far. -Michael 🌴☀️