Five hour cleaning episode

I cleaned for so long and showered for an hour. My hands are so pruney. I hate living like this. I’ve lost hope in myself. I cannot do it. I hate the fact that OCD is curable I hate it. I used to have a good plan for my future. Now I’m just nothing. Two years ago I thought that I would be better but I’m still the exact same. I was going to go to film school, I was going to move out, I had my own car, I graduated high school, was going to a behavioral program for this, and had so much opportunities lined up! But I’m still in the exact same place two years later.

Contamination OCD

Username: live_laugh_lovelive_laugh_love

Date posted: 48w ago

I 100% feel you. OCD can really suck, especially when it is having such a big impact on you, and it can feel like it is completely dictating your life. I relate to this post so, so, so much and I want you to know that you’re not alone! I have been fighting OCD most my life, and I have come to realise that it may never FULLY go away. The thing I found key was accepting that, and coming to terms with it. Something I personally have found really helpful is challenging my thoughts. If I feel like a breeze of dirty air just blew on me and I feel the urge to go wash my face and sanitise my arms, for example, I think to myself “what if I don’t?”. Sometimes my mind generates quite scary thoughts back, but I reply to them with “ok, good luck making that happen” and move on. It took me years to get to this point, and the first time I ignored these urges it made me quite scared and emotional. It did get easier from then on though, and now it has honestly made my life a lot less stressful. None of my thoughts came true. Sometimes OCD plays mind games with us, and it can be sooo easy to fool for its cruel tricks. You have a beautiful future ahead of you, I know it. By the way, I am really proud of you for commenting on this app, and sharing how you feel! It’s a very brave thing to do, and it’s the first domino in a whole chain of them that leads to things getting better. I was once at the bottom of a rabbit hole, and I was so deep that I couldn’t jump out. I can see the sunlight now though, and I promise you will too. Progress takes time, and isn’t necessarily a straight line up! Sometimes you’ll skyrocket and then plummet straight back down to the ground, but sometimes that has to happen for things to improve. Keep on fighting, I’m here if you need anything xx

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 48w ago

First of all, what a lovely name. I was reading em post and saw myself in it. I wanted to reply, to encourage em. Then I read your answer. THANK YOU SO MUCH! While helping em, you helped me as well. I have only one thing to add. Without Zoloft I have no life at all. I just turn into ocd. Might help em as well. All the best to both of you. 😇🙏😊

Username: MelissaJohnson12MelissaJohns...

Date posted: 48w ago

i'm really sorry you're feeling this way, mate. it's clear from your words how hard you've been working to cope with your OCD and how disappointed you are to still be struggling. your pain and frustration are evident, and it's absolutely okay to feel this way. by the way, have you heard about this new AI-powered OCD therapy tool called 'unstuck?' it was a game-changer for me when i was in a similar place as you're in now. unstuck (unstuckmyocd.com/try) was recommended by my NOCD therapist and it offers personalized, step by step guidance for tough OCD moments - like the prolonged cleaning and showering you've mentioned. i think it'll be particularly helpful for you as the AI mimics an OCD therapist in supporting you. i hate when people promote stuff, but і trust this thing could bring a positive shift for you because it's genuinely been a lifesaver for me. lmk if you have any questions or if you just wanna chat more! <3

Username: LowellTLowellT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w ago

I understand your struggle. I’m 63 and have had OCD since my 20’s. My ocd skyrocketed 2 years ago. It was bad. I started getting counseling with NOCD 2 years ago and it has been a huge help. I fed ocd 40 years not knowing what it was. You can say “No” to ocd. But we have to do the work. Exposure and Response Prevention - ERP. With the help of an ocd counselor you can get freedom from ocd. I know you can say “No” to ocd 👍.

Username: wfdnashwfdnash

Date posted: 48w ago

@LowellT I’m 62 and same! Never knew what I had growing up. Now it’s not a mystery anymore. So glad people talk about these things now!

Username: LowellTLowellT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w ago

@wfdnash I feel the same. It is nice that folks are talking about these things.

Username: toomuch

Date posted: 1y ago

Time and OCD

Do you ever get depressed over how long you’ve been dealing with OCD? I’ve been dealing with it for over two years now. I mourn what my life could have been like if that one thought hadn’t popped into my mind. Makes you feel like life is going to be like this forever. In those moments, what makes you have hope or a feeling that things are gonna get better?

Username: redhaze

Date posted: 42w ago

I feel like a failure.

Ever since my terrible ocd started since march 2020 (i was 16, almost 17.), school was very hard to do. i was still at 9th and 10th grade level. i eventually dropped out in 2021 (i was 18.) My Life had been wasted for 4 years, i feel like a failure. im 20 now, and still unwell to do school. the ocd is so bad that i lose connection with reality, it makes my bipolar worse, and i just feel like im losing my mind with the constant anxiety and depression and manic and everything. I feel like a failure. I look at my friends who are successful and on the way to graduating or already in college in university, and im sitting here feeling like a horrible failure. im a failure. i didnt ask for this ocd to happen, i wish it never happened, i just wanted to be successful and graduate and start college, but i cant do that anymore. Why me? why is everyone else lucky to not suffer from such debilitating mental illness? why me? now im just a failure with no life and fully reliant on my parents for money, food, shelter, etc. i tried so hard to go back to school, to try to work, but it was too unbearable. if i never got this ocd, i know i would have graduated and been successful and head straight to college. 4 years of my life wasted. and more years to come.

Username: Sadstressedgirl

Date posted: 35w ago

I wish I wouldn't wake up tomorrow

I'll be 31 this year and I'm such a complete failure as a human being. I just had a breakdown over doing dishes. I have four specific cups that I use and normally I try to wash all of them at once, it really reassures me knowing I have three backup cups in case the one I'm using gets "dirty". Lately, though, I've only been able to wash one at a time and that causes a lot of stress only having one usable cup because if it gets dirty I have to spend the next half hour washing it, my hands, etc. Well tonight my cup got "dirty" and I thought everyone was asleep so I thought I'd try to wash them all. I don't like doing it when people are awake because it takes so long, I have to do it in a specific way and I'm embarrassed by it all. So I started and I was really struggling. I kept having to rewash and rewash because the bubbles just wouldn't go away and then my mom came into the kitchen and we were talking. My anxiety spiked because I was afraid she'd mention how long I'm taking or try to rearrange my cups or touch my arm and I just felt like a horrible person thinking these tboughts when all she's doing is talking to me but it just makes an already really stressful situation even more so. Then she left. I got two done, so I was half way through and then I thought the next cup was clean and I put it into the stack of clean ones but then I noticed it still had bubbles and now I had to start all the way over again. I wanted to cry and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I just wanted to be done and get something to drink and lay down. I tried starting over but my mom came back and I just couldn't deal with it so I quit and she smiled at me and said "finally done?" She knows and tries to understand how much I struggle and tries her best to help me and I love her so much for that and I'm so awful for feeling more anxious around her and having thoughts of just wanting to be left alone. She looked so proud of me, thinking I finally got done with my stupid little task and I just couldn't handle knowing how much of a disappointment I am and I started crying. She hugged me and offered to clean my cups for me and I wish I could let her but I can't. My OCD won't let me. Only I can clean my cups. My OCD isolates me and makes me feel so alone. I need help but I can't have any. And just facing the realization that I'm having a breakdown at 1am in the kitchen over not being able to clean cups properly just made me want to die so bad. Every little victory I have doesn't mean anything because I'll never get better. I lost so much time, I'm old and I don't know how to be an adult or take care of myself and I don't know what to do anymore. I hate myself.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Five hour cleaning episode

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community