My ocd got me feeling crazy, help

I have extreme fear of rabies and it triggered my usually bearable ocd to the point i cant function normally. Whenever I pass by something on the ground resembling a bat my brain tells me its a bat and that I have touched it with my hand and that I have rabies now. Sometimes I take a photo of potential triggers to be sure I wont ruminate later aka ask myself what if it was this or that and i just look at the photo i took and be sure its nothing. The triggers are also becoming harder to bear everytime, for example 3 days ago it was night and I saw something small and dark on the ground and didnt see it clearly, phone was almost dead and i couldnt take a photo of it, probably wouldnt anyway because there were two people nearby so i just left myself a note in the phone that it was nothing and I didnt touch it, but you guessed it, my brain says its a bat and that i touched it, creating a false memory and now i feel like i cant know what actually happened..rn i cant think of anything but being terrified of dying of rabies because i cant trust my memory. I feel like Im going crazy

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 47w ago

Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this, but please know you’re not alone. There are many of us who have similar thoughts, fears, urges and sensations around various themes of uncertainty. It’s important to understand, with these uncertainties, it’s the very things you’re doing to feel better, more certain, “to be sure I won’t ruminate later aka…” are the behaviors that are keeping the cycle of OCD fears going strong. I know, I spent years doing the same. Like you, I’d take pictures, write myself notes that I’d already “checked” something, etc. of course, the relief I gained didn’t last long. There would always be another doubt about that particular trigger or something new that would start the cycle all over again. If you haven’t already reach out to NOCD for help from a therapist trained to deal with OCD. After over 35 years of doing compulsions, I got my life back. You can too❤️. Your post remote of Shala Nicely’s memoir “Is Fred in the Refrigerator” i believe she also discusses a trigger of rabies. Reach out anytime, I’d be happy to offer you support. I also spend time on Ascend, a Discord server that offers support for people for with OCD. I’m GH on there https://discord.gg/Wyw3MBV7MS

Username: Anonymous499Anonymous499

Date posted: 47w ago

Thank you so much for replying. I joined the server, I dont really know how to use discord though:(I have a therapist but due to too many patients, I can only see her once a month which is nothing. I also started to see my psychiatrist again. I guess Im looking for someone to tell me Im not crazy because I really feel like the vaccine is the only thing that would keep me safe and sound. No other theme has ever bothered me like this and I cant study, eat or go outside. My mom also wont talk to me because she doesnt want the negative energy from me because of ocd and Im in a different city because of university. I just want to feel like I can trust my memory and know Im not dying for sure, its so tiring and lonely all of this

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 47w ago

@Anonymous499 - I'm sorry, I know how hard it is. It is important to remember that with OCD we want reassurance that we are going to be ok, that our memories are 100% correct, that we won't get rabies, whatever the fear or doubt is. Recovery involves allowing the uncertainty to be there, moving forward with our lives, even though we feel we simply cannot until we have an answer. The problem is, we can never be 100% sure about anything. So for recovery, we practice, we practice allowing uncertainty. We do this by stopping compulsions (things that make us feel better - like asking for reassurance, reassuring ourselves, checking our memory, taking pictures of things, writing notes to ourselves). It is difficult, but doable. Explore NOCD's videos on how to stop compulsions, read as much as you can. Reach out to me on the Discord server. What is your screen name there, I can help you navigate the server.

Username: Anonymous499Anonymous499

Date posted: 47w ago

@VGH Oh its so hard to accept the uncertainty because the risk is so big if im wrong..I just dont wanna get rabies and I dont wanna die. Im so close to sending an email about the vaccine but I always stop myself because i dont know what to write since Id have to make up a situation to get the vaccine and it would cost money. Im scared my brain wants to sabotage me somehow with all the what ifs, "what if i actually touched it and it was a bat but my brain just wont let me know that?". Its so exhausting, Ive lost weight because of all this and it just keeps going. Ill try doing less compulsions for sure, I just dont know how much longer I can be like this. Also my name on discord is Anja

Username: EmilyC15EmilyC15

Date posted: 47w ago

So I just recently went through something similar where I was fostering 2 kittens and was convinced one of them had rabies and because it scratched me I was going to die this started in early December and I am still working on it.

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 47w ago

Hi, I'd recommend Shala Nicely's book to you too. It was very helpful to me. OCD is difficult to navigate, and when we share our stories, hopefully it makes others feel less alone. 🩷

Username: CassieWalters87CassieWalters87

Date posted: 47w ago

Hey, sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now.💔 I've had similar struggles, and my OCD therapist introduced me to a free AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try) that really helped me. Your situation reminded me of the tool as I think it'll be perfect for your struggle because it provides personalized step-by-step support to deal with OCD triggers and false memory formations. I know, the fear can feel overwhelming. Your method of acquiring 'hard evidence' to help manage your fears is really smart but I can understand how this can be challenging when the triggers are in public places.😔 Unstuck helped me navigate situations like these and I genuinely think it can help you too—I know, I hate promoting stuff but really, if my experience is anything to go by, it can provide some relief! Please know, I'm here for you in this battle.👍

Username: EvoorheeEvoorhee

Date posted: 16w ago

I have done the picture thing as well, if I’m in an area and I scratch myself on some thing I take a picture of the entire area to make sure that there was no bat around. I even went through my entire room and searched to make sure there were no bats in anything and I, shove blankets and pillows in front of my door so bats can’t get underneath my door. I know it’s OCD, because I have never ever seen a bat in my entire life other than being at the zoo or seeing one fly outside once in a blue moon. But I have never encountered one so the odds of a bat being in every single situation are close to almost 0. Encountering a bat for a normal average person is almost 0. But OCD says they’re everywhere.!! I hate it but I will get over it. It’s OK it will go away. Just don’t engage even though I have no room to talk.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Trigger warning OCD is taking over my life

I can’t deal with this OCD bullshit anymore. It’s to the point where every time I walk out my house and come back in I have to sanitize my shoes then the floor where my shoes stepped. I even have my boyfriend doing this and he doesn’t have OCD. I can’t even enough life like I use to anymore I have constantly be cleaning and disinfecting. All these chemicals that have gotten on my skin I know that can’t be healthy. I’m scared the thought of even walking in with my shoes and not using disinfectant triggers me so badly that it ruins my whole day. This all happened when weeks ago I saw a skunk at night walking through the apartment complex I lived in. Then I took my dogs to the vet to get their vaccines. Even though there was no contact I still freak out about rabies. Then the vet assured me that everything was ok. Then I see this stray cat that walks around the apartment complex and he is always trying to come up to my apartment door or the walkway then I’ve seen him walk we’re the skunk area was so now I’m like what if this cat has rabies and I walk where it walks and track it in my house and get rabies. God forbid. It’s to the point where we have a shoe rack and we have to disinfect every time we walk in and out. The other day I had guest and when they left the whole entire house was mopped and I even had bathe my dogs too since they were walking around where everyone was stepping. I even threw away their dog bed and bought them new ones. Please help I can’t live like this anymore.

Username: Pija

Date posted: 29w ago

new fear

I have health concern ocd and my current obsession is rabies. I just opened my window to get some air and now I'm convinced there's a bat in my room that's gonna give me rabies... I checked my room and didn't find one but now I can't stop thinking about it and I can't fall asleep. I think I would be able to see it if it was in my room but...

Health Concern OCD

Username: Pija

Date posted: 26w ago

I feel lost

My life is falling apart. I've been dealing with a really bad OCD flare up for over a month now and it's been really bad. I'm absolutely terrified of rabies and schizophrenia. But honestly absolutely any random "symptom" I notice scares me. Like rn I have a runny nose and I've just convinced myself it's my spinal fluid and that I'm gonna die and I'm freaking out. Also I've been dealing with personal issues. My two best friends one of which I was/am in love with completely abandoned me. Another toxic person is trying to come back to my life. I feel so lost. I'm so anxious, so terrified, so exhausted. Why can't something good happen for once? I just want to feel okay. I hate thinking I'm dying all day every day:(

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My ocd got me feeling crazy, help

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