- Date posted
- 1y
Lost
How am I suppose to get better when OCD makes me doubt if I want to get better š. It feels like I just want to live in my OCD thoughts. Itās so scary!
How am I suppose to get better when OCD makes me doubt if I want to get better š. It feels like I just want to live in my OCD thoughts. Itās so scary!
it does and this is something iām learning to deal with is letting myself sit with the uncertainty and to NOT RUMINATE ! bc sometimes , the thoughts feel so REAL and iām like oh my gosh no ! but we have to re wire our brains
i want you to know youāre not the only one !
@LifeIsBeautiful Thank you so much, every thought feels so real. Itās hard to believe this so etimes
I feel this, too.
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
Iāve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I canāt shake this feeling that Iām about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when Iām near my trigger it feels like Iām being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but Iām not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like Iāll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice š©
Iāve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I relate so much to what people here are going through. I used to think it was just anxiety, and I felt like I could handle that. But lately Iāve been spiralingāconstantly afraid that what Iām feeling is something worse, like psychosis or losing control of my mind. I feel so detached and scared, and I just want peace again. I have anxiety doing the smallest things, like the thought of waking up everyday and even eating give me straight up panic. I am afraid all the time, itās paralyzing. And a lot of people say someone with psychosis wouldnāt worry that theyāre in it, but then I convince myself Iāve been in it this whole time, and havenāt known, and that maybe Iāve been doing weird stuff. Idk. I also get really scared of labels. Even the idea of OCD makes me feel like Iāll never get better or like Iāll be stuck like this forever. I just want to be okay. If anyone has felt this wayāconfused, overwhelmed, or scared of whatās happening in their mindāIād really appreciate any support or encouragement.
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