- Username
- Lavander
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Why does it scare you if it's true?
Because I don't want it. I have nothing against LGBT, but I don't feel it's right for me. I never liked women, never wanted to date one. This goes against who I have always been. Hocd makes everything so blurry, though. Hocd is homosexual ocd, a subtype of pure O that makes you doubt your sexuality constantly. It attacks your identity, and it's extremely distressing.
I think some imaginary exposure could help you. Imagine what it would be like to kiss her! I’d write out an ERP script where the worst version of your fears comes true: you kiss her, you love it, you feel great, you finally realize you’re a lesbian, you come out, etc. Go fill out! Then read it to yourself 20 times a day for two weeks. Track your anxiety each time. Don’t do compulsions to escape the thoughts/feelings. See how it changes over time. A kiss is just a kiss. I’m sure you’ve imagined kissing plenty of people before and it never struck you as so important. Once your brain realizes that imagining kissing her doesn’t have to mean anything at all, you’ll start to heal.
Hi! I get this too, even with memories I have of previous friends where HOCD makes me analyse the past to see if I secretly liked anyone. It's a real pain to be honest. It still stresses me out even now that I'm in recovery! What pureolife suggested is a good exposure exercise to do - it'll make you very anxious but as long as you avoid doing ANY compulsions it will make the anxiety decrease in the long term, because it will teach your brain to ignore the doubts and thoughts. Eventually those intrusive thoughts will come less often.
Also: @heatZiro, with any form of OCD the sufferer experiences irrational doubts which cause fear and anxiety. Whether it's health related, sexuality related or religion related, the answer as to "why" it scares the sufferer is simply that they have OCD and anxiety related to it. The way you experience your own OCD will be similarly scary and irrational to the way that @Lavander experiences hers.
Hi everyone! I just wanted to share about what’s happening to me recently and see if anyone has any advice on how to cope. I have HOCD and I’ve been fine for about a month, but now I’m worried that I may have a crush on my best friend. We were texting about stuff and then we were talking about body image because we’re both in theatre so “the look” is part of it. She then was saying how I have a sexy body and stuff like that (she’s straight) and it caused me to have a relapse. Now I’m worried that I have a crush on her and I really don’t want to lose her friendship. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope and get through this?
Anyone with hocd ever had the urge to kiss their female friends but then freak out? Like the hocd is making feel like id enjoy it. But i know deep down (even though the feeling is murky rn because of the hocd) that i want a husbamd/bf one day. It keeps bringing up the fact that when i was a kid id watch cartoons and see the female characters and think they were attractive. But never where i wanted to be with them ya know? This is really unhinging me. I just want to like guys again normally ?
I'm feeling awful. This simply can't be true. If I was in fact bi I'd feel good because of it, but I don't. I actually feel dread by this thought. I don't have any will in being with a woman. Today my childhood friend that I lost contact with told me she's bi. This triggered me so much, got all these images on my mind. I just want to be free from these thoughts, I don't want to keep wondering if I want to be with women, this messes me up so much. I don't want to keep asking myself if this is really hocd or denial or internalized homophobia. I can't deal with this anymore.
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