Im afraid to accept my thoughts and emotions

So ist just about ocd, I think I have a really bad anxiety right now about this topic. So i used to believe that i cant control my mind and i have to accept every thought but deep down it made me feel like a victim that i always have to accept how i feel and what i think, theres no other way... one day i had enough of this, because i saw that others who are doing this for years are still having the same thoughts, and i still felt bad and had the same thoughts to and i decided that i will find something else. So i found a good youtuve channel where they teach you that youre the creator of your emotions and you can control your mind. I learned that i have anxiety and low moods cause i have negative beliefs about myself and the world which i need to change then these feelings will not be strong. It helped so much and i saw that its better then just observing it and moving on, bc you actually see the problem and not avoid it. It helped me alot. Then today i had a negative emotions and i started to see what im telling myself, what thoughts i have, and this time i actually got lost in my mind. Or as others said i got into the rabbit hole of negative thinking. And i couldnt get out and i was so desperate that this isnt helping me either... Trying to control your mind and change beliefs just makes me more stressed, but just accepting it and moving on still will not help,cause i will still will have the thoughts and emotions without knowing why i constantly have it. What do yall think, are you the creater of your emotions, can you control the mind or not?

Does anyone else get triggered by some of the things people say about accepting and recovering. Idk Like sometimes I feel like my thoughts are so awful how could i ever come to accept that and let it roam free in my brain. I think that makes my fear worse especially when it comes to magical thinking :(

Now i know i need to accept when i feel anxiety or fear, ive been avoiding it or pushing it away.l, cause im afraid ir will take me and to be honest i cant really deal with fear. I noticed when i feel it a I say its okay, im feeling this but theres no danger and by this i pushing it away. But when theres is signs of an aczual danger i ho crazy. I try to push away the fear but it says that "there is a sign, we are in danger, are you crazy?" Ane i keep spinning. I heard alot about accepting thatbwe feel anxiety or fear but thats always makes me accept that theres a danger. Cause im accepting what i feeling but then my mind wants to know if theres a danger and im spinning over that, then i feel like i need to avoid it cause i cant handle... or if i say theres might be a danger or there is i go crazy... then i start to have the selfharm automative thoughts and in the panic i cant see that its ocd, im trying to say it but i feel like im lying, then everything feels true... i cant accept that i feel anxiety but its not a danger but even this you can see i start to rumminate over "okay i feel this but is there a problem? Yeah is see this this is a problem, im avoiding, i have to do something about it quickly, then i try to stop to not act based of fear but i feel bad cause im avoiding. I cant see the reality when i feel panic or afraid, even trying to see reality becomes compulsive. What im dealing with now is that i get hit by anxiety, i accept it and i get a feeling that but theres no fear and i get hit by this toxic good feeling like i avoided a danger and i dont like it cause that feeds the fear