Am I a Ghoster?

@ughhhh Thanks for the advice, yeah I’m no therapist but this is straight up narcissistic behavior. I always wanted to think he didn’t mean it or that he was just joking, but it was a more than once occurrence. I also found it a bit hypocritical of him to want to be accepted for being gay and getting to lead a promiscuous life, but when I tried to do that I was a disgusting person. And I tried confronting him and he said “but I’m fit and I deserve to have sex with beautiful guys”. The fact I was straight was also something he repeatedly made fun of, saying “it’s not too late you know…” Also said to me “how dare I” look at pictures of attractive women when I myself was chubby and fat. He legit tried to get me to like plus size models because “it was only fair”.

@PumpkinFrapp True! I’m all up for leading a meaningful life, as it is short and we have to make it count. I don’t want to live with regrets. I also see how toxic he really was, as I see the difference in genuine people. Like my family: Overweight and fat? That’s ok. Had sex with a sex worker? No one is judging lol Want to be a teacher? Let us help you get there! Their replies were completely different, and no I wasn’t disowned or estranged for anything.

@GermanCowboy I’m so glad to hear that you have a supportive family! I sometimes wish my family would say “that’s ok” to me being overweight, but I know that when they tell me I should lose weight, they mean it in a, “I want you to live a long and healthy life,” kinda way and not in a, “You’d look better if you were skinnier,” kinda way lol

@PumpkinFrapp Yeah, I’ve come to the conclusion that weight loss is indeed good. But I’m not letting that jerk project his insecurities onto me. My reason for doing it is just so I can keep my heart beating and so I can teach for as long as possible! I have a heart condition, so it is important I keep a healthy mindset so I can keep it up. So no, I refuse to participate in the “look at me” social media nonsense.

@GermanCowboy That’s wonderful! Something my therapist said to me was that weight loss as an aesthetic goal can be a motivator that kick-starts healthy habits, but it’s usually not sustainable. What’s more important is to find a motivator that keeps you staying healthy, no matter what you look like or what your weight is. A lot of times, when someone gives healthy life advice like “go to the gym” in an unhealthy way like your ex-friend did, we end up feeling a lot of shame and can even feel demotivated. But it sounds like you have an awesome goal and if you want to focus on your health for that goal, that’s great! It’s also totally okay and does not make you any less worthy of love if you decide you would rather focus on other parts of your life.

@PumpkinFrapp Exactly 💯 well said! I’ve met physical trainers who say that character trumps anything physical in terms of overall quality of a person and that they rather date an “ugly” person who has their life together and is confident in their goals than a narcissistic and fit person. Of course, this is all subjective but I think it’s safe to say that there’s some degree of truth to it. Yeah I tried fat shaming myself to lose weight, as was suggested by this individual. And lost over 80 lbs! But like you say, it’s not sustainable. Once you realize that it doesn’t do what you expect for it to do (get a date, be more well liked, be favored in social situations), then you lose it. That’s why I replaced my motivation to be internal rather than external. And of course, the asshole even said “just slim down some more” when I started noticing this. Said that in two years, I’d be needing new clothes completely. He also made me buy a jacket that didn’t originally close so that “I have something to work towards”. Jerk.

@GermanCowboy Ugh! God, what a piece of work that guy is! 🙄 Don’t worry though, that jacket will fit nicely right where it belongs: in the giant inferno of the bridge you rightfully burnt (unless you really like the jacket, in which case, find ways to make new positive memories with it lol.) I truly, truly hope that you have found or will soon find wonderful, genuine friends who will be there for you with kindness so you can leave that guy forgotten in the past.

@PumpkinFrapp I’m probably going to sell it, as I spent at least 200. Yep, I was peer pressured to buy a 200 dollar jacket that didn’t even fit at the time of purchase. Because, according to them I had to prove I wasn’t poor. It was always a snob fest when hanging out with him, always shopping in high end stores and buying 30 dollar slices of pizza. I later found my own style. As my name suggests, I got into cowboy stuff. His reaction?: “But omg, aren’t cowboys like racists and like Trump supporters?” I just like outdoors and going on hikes, not because of a political agenda.

@GermanCowboy That’s so funny to me because I live in rural Texas. There are a lot of Trump supporters, but there’s even more people who don’t care about politics at all. They just want to live their lives according to their values. It’s absolutely wild though that he blames cowboys for being racists and then proceeds to be classist. What in tarnarion lmaoooo.

@PumpkinFrapp I live in Texas too lol and I know exactly what you’re talking about. I do talk to alleged Trump supporters and they’re not all stereotypical racists. Some are actually quite down to earth and chill. Although I always avoid conversations about politics or religion, especially at work. Shit, now that I’ve opened Pandora’s box with this guy, I’ll also mention that he criticized me for eating at fast food places. Not just because I was fat, but also because it was where the poor peasants ate. I’m sitting there thinking “but Whataburger is gourmet food, what are you on?” 🤣😂

@GermanCowboy 😮 For some reason I was expecting New York or California with the $30 pizza! But in retrospect, I think even bougie New Yorkers know good pizza is a $3 cash-only slice lol. But for Whataburger, I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say it’s gourmet. It’s not Five Guys lol. Joke’s aside, it is good comfort food that’s always there when you need it. If you haven’t seen Vengeance, it’s a BJ Novak dark comedy about a guy from New York who goes to Texas for a funeral. It talks about why Texans love Whataburger lol. It also talks about misconceptions and bridging culture gaps, which resonates a lot with what you’ve talked about with your ex-friend.

@PumpkinFrapp Nope, it’s uptown Dallas which is snob capital. It’s a great city to work in, but not my choice to live permanently at. I always dreamt of having my own ranch in the middle of nowhere surrounded by mountains. I’ll check it out, dark comedy is my kind of comedy 😁.

@GermanCowboy I know exactly the area you’re talking about! I went to university around there for a semester and transferred out because the vibes were rancid (among other reasons, but the snobbishness made me feel uncomfortable). Everything was so clean though. Since I’m a bit familiar with the area, if you ever want to share stories on a less public forum, feel free to reach out to me on discord! My username is mezcamorii on there. If not, that’s okay too. 🙂

@PumpkinFrapp Hmmm… let me guess, you went to SMU? Yeah, sounds cool to me. Once I revive my discord account that is 😂

@GermanCowboy Yep! How could you possibly have guessed? 🤣

@PumpkinFrapp Let’s just say that I *ahem* teach *ahem* *ahem* there and I know 100% what you mean

@GermanCowboy That’s impressive! A teaching job there is no small feat. The world feels smaller every day.

@GermanCowboy - Hey there! I wanted to invite you to the OKC for OCD Walk at Lake Hefner this September (2024)! There will be games and prizes after the walk, so stick around if you can! :) It's a great opportunity to meet others in the area in person. With how isolating OCD can be, I think a lot of us could use some community! https://support.iocdf.org/OKCforOCD

@PumpkinFrapp - Hey there! I wanted to invite you to the OKC for OCD Walk at Lake Hefner this September (2024)! There will be games and prizes after the walk, so stick around if you can! :) It's a great opportunity to meet others in the area in person. With how isolating OCD can be, I think a lot of us could use some community! https://support.iocdf.org/OKCforOCD