I just feel a complete weirdo for my actions, I’ve made mistakes with females and I’m scared I went too far this one night on my own intoxicated and feel I done something horrible, what shall I do
I have a false memory at the moment it’s horrible, I’ve convinced myself I’ve seriously cheated on my wife. A women touched my groinal area a few years ago whilst on a dance floor, it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but now I’m worrying she did more. I’ve got no evidence to support this, I can remember everything else other than her doing somthing bad - yet I still believe it and feel really anxious. But the reality is - it didn’t happen however real it feels. With you OCD is involved - you know that. OCD attacks your values - so whatever your worried that you have done or not done - the fact it’s worrying you shows it’s against your character. Do you think bad people worry about doing bad things? No they relish in them Your not that
@Jonathan123147 Thankyou for this comment it has helped, I just wish I went to the police a week or so after the night so that cctv was still saved etc. It’s making me feel terrible that I should’ve went to the police sooner, I feel I done it but then turned into a nice person after that night
@ Anonymous Do you feel you have done something to someone?
@Jonathan123147 Yeah I just got rape stuck in my head and full of guilt
@Jonathan123147 I can’t carry on this has haunted me for over a year I’m screwed and struggle to wake up everyday
Feelings are not facts Feeling you have done something wrong doesn’t mean you have. I heard this line of reasoning that helped me. With false memory we doubt if we have done something wrong - but the one thing that is always missing is the memory of actually doing the thing thing you think you have done
@Jonathan123147 I just feel horrible for past mistakes and I felt this night was the finale, I kept quiet about it so street cctv etc was going to be deleted the longer I left it and I actually knew I done it, I’m scared of it all
@ Anonymous If you want you can talk about it - but the fact you are on this app shows you know on some level this is ocd
@Jonathan123147 I’m scared because I was spiralling in making awful mistakes that would put me in jail, I just don’t know if it’s OCD because alcohol was involved
OCD will be making you think it’s worse than it is
@Jonathan123147 It’s like hell 24/7
Try speaking to a therapist, ocd will always make things seem massive where there not
@Jonathan123147 Thankyou, hope your keeping well?
@Jonathan123147 Are you from the uk?
Yes
@Jonathan123147 When I truly think about it I am guilty and for the first 4 months I knew I was then I stumbled across a theme of false memory etc. but deep down always knew I was guilty, just don’t understand why it hasn’t came out with the police etc
If you want to talk to me about it you can I can send you my email. Or I recommend you speaking to a therapist, if you live in the UK you can self refer yourself to a therapist and it’s free
@Jonathan123147 How’d do I go about doing that please, I’ll talk about it to you too I’m just fed up of feeling terrible and constantly full of guilt
How old are you?
@Jonathan123147 22 hold old are you?
@Jonathan123147 How*
Yes sorry how old are you
@Jonathan123147 I’m 22 , how old are you?
I’m 38 My email is Jonathan_brogan@hotmail.com
@Jonathan123147 I just feel terrible about it all I felt so bad for so long over this
If you google nhs self referral for physiological services
@Jonathan123147 I’m getting visual flashbacks from that night is that normal
False memory can play tricks on us it can feel very real
@Jonathan123147 I just feel i’m Just scared to tell my parents and waiting for them to scream at me then I can move on
Huge tw I’m so scared I’m a r*pist people have told me I am. I wanted to lose my virginity when I was 19 I felt embarrassed and ashamed I hadn’t. I decided to get drunk and find someone in a club to lose it to. I don’t remember much other than I was happy it was finally happening and remember thinking my plan had worked. I was told by friends that the other person was drunk and possibly on drugs. I must be a r*pist as I knew what I was doing and instigated it, I took advantage and used someone. I feel sick and don’t deserve to move on I can’t even apologies as it was a complete stranger what if they’re living with trauma because of me.
Recently I (16m)feel hopeless I feel so sick and sad idk what to do I feel lost I feel like a monster everything has been hell, and I don’t know how to move on from the never ending guilt . I did awful things when I started high school, thinking being sexual was the way to connect.(idk if all of this was because when I was 8 I was shown explicit content by my older brother) I crossed boundaries, overshared, and kept flirting with friends and making sexual jokes, even after they said no (all over text). One friend stopped talking to me and can’t even look at me now. I feel like a monster. Why shouldn’t I be locked up? If I got therapy, I feel like I’d be sent jail. Idk if I can move on. Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live.i wish I could move on like my older brother and maybe he shouldn’t idk who seems to not feel guilty maybe this is what I deserve idk I feel like I can’t go on I’m in my junior year and I saw one of the people and immediately just got crushed with the guilt and spiraled of how actually shameful I am if I tell any of my friends they’ll just leave or worse
help. it all happened too very fast. i was having a random b*ner, and i wanted to stop it by forcing an er*ction so it would go down afterwards, i had also seen a yt short of cyberpunk 2077 phantom liberty, in which a beautiful redheaded character appears, and i had random thought abt how maybe she wouldn't be truly that pretty and it was just make up. i imagined a scenario in which i had an okay looking girlfriend but that would look very hot with make up on, and i thought that was the perfect scenario to release the b*ner by momentarily forcing an erection and as i did that i remembered a highschool crush i had of a girl older than me that i found very beautiful and i distinctly remember being excited to see her with make up on, and this memory associated immediately. it went like this -> imagine girlfriend that is beautiful with make up on as i prepare to have an er*ction -> this reminds me just like that time in highschool -> the positive memory of my crush appears as i force an er*ction to happen at the same time without thinking too much (this all happens in a span of a millisec) i don't know how but my brain didn't register that memory as a threat, i had forgotten the context, it didn't even cross my mind that it happened years ago in highschool, i just had this memory. now im worried that i committed a horrible disgusting act. the erection wasn't caused by the memory of the crush, i planned it to happen with a safe image and that image of the crush appeared as i remembered and it didn't register it as a threat and this just happened; because i don't believe i was aroused by the memory, i was just remember that she was pretty. i don't know if it was just coincidence. it wasn't intentional, but now im disgusted at myself. there are 3 possibilities: 1. i already had made the conscious decision to force an erection from the scenario before and as the memory appeared, as it all happened in a millisecond, i didn't have enough time to process it with its due context and i didnt perceive that memory as triggering or something inappropriate and for my brain it was okay to be in the background while the er*ction happened. 2. it happened in one second, the conscious decision was already made from the scenario before so the er*ction randomly happened during the remembrance 3. worst case: in the moment of the er*ction as i remembered the crush i put myself in those shoes of the young me and as the memory happened very fast i forgot the context and the distance of the period frame in which had happened (long ago) and since i remembered her being older than me i still perceived in that fragment of the memory that way, and since i was in the memory itself i found her attractive normally, indistinguishably and separated from the present time, and for that split second i perceived her normally as if i was attracted to a girl in my present time, it literally felt a "normal" perception of a girl i liked and i didn't realise it wasn't the case; and my mind since it lacked the necessary context it allowed it to be non dangerous and not wrong to force an erection, and i realised it was a mistake only after it happened hence the panic... so it all happened before processing the context of the time in which had happen that would result as inappropriate. im afraid that the 3. is what happened and that it is unacceptable.
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