Health OCD + Working Out

Hi!! My names Calista R. Woodbury-Rabon. I recently got married in March of this year. And have been struggling with my severe anxiety disorder since I left my toxic 3 year relationship about a year ago. Over the past several months, I have noticed that I go through phases where: I have a full body “anxiety attack”. Or at least that’s what I call it. For example : when we went to cookout and they told us they were out of the chili for walking tacos. I had a full blown anxiety attack or at least what I thought was an anxiety attack and starting hyperventilating and crying. Therefore, the only solution (in my mind) was that I wouldn’t be able to calm down until I had the walking tacos. Another example : My husband bought me a pajama set that was only recently put out because it was a patriotic item which means that after the summer it’d be gone… I ended up picking up the wrong size. So that night when I went to put on the Pajamas and realized they were too small I started hyperventilating and crying. All because these $17 pajamas did not fit me and it was no fault of my own. Whenever this happens, I usually end up spiraling and crying and saying a lot at once very quickly. And I usually look crazy and don’t make a lot of sense. Usually after the spiraling is over with I’m very exhausted and usually will cry myself to sleep. My husband more often than not will say stuff like “it’s not that big of a deal you can get something else.” << when it has to do with food etc. OR “we can just buy another set of pjamas the next time I get paid.” << in relation to the pajamas in this instance. But honestly no matter what him or anyone else tells me in that moment. All that matters is that I can feel the anxiety in my bones. And I can’t breathe and in that moment my world as I know it has ended. I’ve tried taking online free “quizzes” to find out if I acctually have OCD and they’ve been negative. I also did some research and learned that you can have all the symptoms for a OCD “flare-up” but present no active case of OCD or symptoms. So I guess what I’m trying to find out is if I don’t have “OCD” than Is this out of body experience caused from my “severe anxiety disorder” diagnosis ? Or just anxiety in general?? Thank you for taking the time to read this even if you also aren’t sure!! Means a lot to me..❤️‍🩹

Hi everyone! I’m feeling better today. I had a really bad flare yesterday, my husband really helped me calm down and fall asleep. However, if you have health OCD I feel like you probably shouldn’t read this post unless you are in a good head space. I do not have health OCD. So, I’ve been dealing with a lot of symptoms and health issues that have led me to alot of doctors visits, I have several different doctors that specialize in specific things and now go to an internal medicine doctor. My doctor thinks I have an autoimmune disease, so I’m running alot of tests for several different autoimmune conditions. My OCD has been dormant for a while. I would still deal with it sometimes, but it was way easier to manage. I’m not medicated for OCD. However, I do use arthritis cream and was prescribed muscle relaxers, I have not yet taken the muscle relaxers. So I had a really bad OCD flare last night, specifically Relationship OCD. My husband has just seen parole and I’m super excited for him to come home, but my OCD was trying to convince me otherwise. I also have a new nephew that was born on the 22nd. So I am out of state and was watching my niece for my sister in law. A lot of exciting things happening at once. I’m assuming that triggered my OCD. But I’ve been swelling in my face and dealing with a little bit of body pain as well. Autoimmune diseases come in flares like OCD. I have done some research on autoimmune diseases so I can know what I need to do in order to keep it under control if that’s what I do get diagnosed with. I learned that some autoimmune diseases are linked to OCD, or can even cause OCD because of inflammation in the brain. & It gave me a glimmer of hope honestly. Could my OCD have started because of an autoimmune disease? Could I get better by treating it? My OCD didn’t kick start until I was about 19. I am now 23. I did have symptoms of OCD at 17 though, I went through a period of time where I was compulsively praying and in a cycle of intense anxiety. So I probably had it since I was 17, but I don’t know. My symptoms of autoimmune disease didn’t start until about a year ago, but it could’ve been longer. I couldn’t get rid of a UTI I had for MONTHS & didn’t know why. I had to see a urologist, I was 21 when I kept getting UTI’s. I had to get a procedure done, I had pus build up in my urethra that was almost completely blocking off my urethra. I do not know how the infection got that severe.. especially because I took antibiotic after antibiotic. I felt like I’d get better for a few days, then boom…UTI symptoms once again. So.. that could’ve been the start of autoimmune symptoms. With an autoimmune disease, your immune system is pretty trash. You don’t fight off infections or illness as easy as others. I remember how I’d get sick after everyone else in the house would get sick, but I’d get it so much worse and have the illness for much longer than everyone else. Surprisingly enough, I never got COVID. My whole family had it & I didn’t get it. Unless I did and just didn’t have symptoms. Anyways, I never thought I would say this.. but I hope I do have an autoimmune disease that caused OCD so that I can treat the autoimmune disease and keep my OCD dormant for as long as possible. I forgot what it was like to deal with OCD.. it was so bad lastnight, I remember feeling that type of anxiety and it’s the worst.. 💔 If you took the time to read, thank you! I seem like a charity case lol.. I never thought by 23 years old I’d be like this.

I will preface by saying I am not diagnosed OCD, as I can't afford to see therapists or psychiatrists at this time. But given the things I've gone through, I'm pretty much convinced it's what I'm dealing with. I never really saw it coming. As a kid I always had health issues. Sick all the time, spent a lot of my very young years in and out of hospitals. In recent years as I've become an adult, health anxiety started creeping in. I spent my teenage years depressed, anxious and suicidal, both passively and actively. I engaged in self destructive behaviors in an attempt to end my life quicker. I left a toxic home environment and began my journey to improve my life, as I have a significant other that I want to stay on this planet for. I began lifting weights and exercising, eating better, and attempting to improve myself day by day. I didn't even realize it happening, but over time I started caring more and more about my health. Avoiding certain foods, making my diet stricter, and ensuring I did the right things. While it was good for my body in the short term, long term it seems it really affected my mental. As I started to feel better, I noticed that the times where I wasn't feeling 100% were very stressful. I'd start to worry about developing diseases. Diabetes, appendicitis, cancer, any number of rare and deadly diseases i could discover on Google. It got worse and worse as time went on. I'd spend money on things to test my body. glucose monitor, thermometer, supplements to ensure I was healthy. mental compulsions began (which i didn't know where compulsions at the time). Well, it all culminated at its peak in the last few months. Every minor bodily symptom, no matter how normal or common or frequent, became a life threatening warning. Constant googling, ruminating, checking and reassurance seeking, which at the time I didn't know was what I was doing. Then, at the end of May, I did get sick. And suddenly all of my obsessions and compulsions solidified themselves as real and premonitions that were true. I started spiraling. Avoiding social events, or anything that was outside of my room. Barely managing to go to work some days. Bringing my compulsions to work as well, sneaking them in when I could. Every day was anxiety riddled. I became exhausted. Sleeping for 10 hours, waking up still tired, coming home having no energy to do anything. It convinced me even more that I was getting sick again. I was getting suicidal again and contemplating it very often. I then noticed my Instagram feed getting filled more and more with OCD related posts and ads, I guess i was unconsciously finding and engaging with them. They described exactly what I was going through, and still am going through. I'm on day 4 of my recovery after learning some ways to help myself. I'm catching my thought patterns, learning to allow the uncertainty, and avoiding my avoidant tendencies. I removed the batteries from my compulsions and put them out of sight. I still am learning my mental compulsions and how to deal with them. I'm engaging with the things I would avoid now despite how I feel. I'm still riddled with anxiety and the OCD thoughts are very loud and frequent. But I'm feeling more in control and like I can handle the thoughts better. I'd love any advice people can give as well. I want my life back.