Does anyone else struggle with p*rn and ocd. I feel as though ive watched something terrible or i got off to something terrible and if i did i only did it once but i cant forgive myself to move on. I feel i want to die.
I deal with this a lot. Whenever I watch something that’s legal I always freak myself out that what if I watched something illegal or against the law. But that’s just how deceptive OCD can be
Thank you for replying, i guess im worried because i wasnt sure if this video that i know for sure had like teens on it, i remember watching it because it indirectly played into a fetish i have. Im not proud of it. I watched it just also pf out curosity and I dont remember if i got off to it. I remember feeling disgusted by it but what if i got off to it by accident or partly on purpose. I swear ive never done it since, if it even happend in the first place.... ahhhhh see this is my dilemma right now. Point is, if i didnt do it i hate im overreacting, and if i did do it. I would want someone to unalive me because it makes me sick with myself.
@Anonymous Hard truth and I’ll give a little reassurance. The thing is no amount of ruminating or worrying will ever give you the answer you crave. Ruminating will just result in more lost time and it’s fruitless. The best thing to do is to accept the uncertainty and try to move on. I know how tough it can be but it works after awhile. For the little reassurance: if it was on the internet and you found it pretty easily I’m sure it wasn’t illegal. Like I’m not even sure, nor do I want to know, how illegal videos are found
@GregJ I’m dealing with the same problem right now. I’m a teenager and there’s been times of fallen into temptation and went to YouTube instead of actual porn hub because I would get too scared to go on there and I would literally just search up like people kissing not too much and I want to tell you they very much did look like grown adults Like I can’t when I try to go back and recheck the videos like I’m just still mind blown like there’s no these people are children but I get this really bad thought like but what if they are like what? If in reality? They’re like a 12-year-old being forced? And now I’m worried I might’ve watched illegal content. :( I just don’t know
@andrea_sam730 The best thing you can do is try to move forward while accepting the uncertainty. You’ll never know for certain and OCD won’t ever stop with the “what ifs”. Let the thoughts come in and just let them do what they want. Just because you get a thought doesn’t mean you have to interact with it
@GregJ This is so hard for me it’s getting so bad to the point ion even wanna be here sometimes but I’ll try my best to sit with the uncertainty
@andrea_sam730 It’s hard, it really is. Go easy on yourself. Try sitting with the anxiety for a little bit then allow yourself to ruminate. And then do longer with sitting with the anxiety and thoughts. Try to build upon your tolerance. I promise it will get better
@GregJ Thank you sorry I feel like I sound horrible I’m pretty sure the content I watched was legal it’s just doubt bc I don’t have the certainty ocd wants :/ anyway I’ll try …
I get thoughts about this all the time. I'm dealing with a lot of shame and low self confidence about it.
How I replied above is my repsonse to you
I was watching porn years ago and i have intrusive associative thoughts. Ocd says the person in the videi resembles my relative or my wifes. I had this intrysive thoughts and then ocd says since it reminded me of her relatives what if i was arousing over them. Im nit attracted to them and its ego dystonic. Ocd says if i dud thats betrayal to my spouse. Ive confessed about this so many times and did last night. Then this morning ocd says i didbt confess last night when i did ir kt wasnt good enough or thus detail means i couldve or i need to confess this detail. I was doing fibe this year snd this intrusive memiry and what if just hit me yesterday and ive been ruminating abd feeling guikt and unworthy of my spouse. Please help
I think these are the worst real events ive ever done... and Im so triggered because the last thing I want is to be a a P or a MAP... im triggered because I dont want the people ive become friends with on NOCD to block me because they think im a P or a MAP... thats the last thing I want... When I was 18, i unknowingly consumed l*licon a couple times... I didnt know what the term was at the time... I thought that since it was on a public site, and it had millions of views, that i thought it was safe to consume... when I did my research when I was 19 onto what exactly the term was... I was horrified and mortified... I puked and gagged and felt numb for days... it's been 5 years since then... im 23... and the last thing I want is to ever be exposed to this kind of content ever again... let alone consume it... I should've been more knowledgeable and it's my fault... my pocd and real events ocd call me a P and a MAP when these are the LAST things i want to be... I know what I did was wrong and I regret it immensely till this day... and im so overwhelmed...
I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
