Does Anyone Else Do This? ROCD

I’ve been struggling with ROCD and primarily worry that my partner doesn’t love me despite him telling me that he does. I am actively aware of my compulsions with him and have tried to really decrease any reassurance seeking I’m doing. With that said, I find myself almost like trying to set up tests to give myself reassurance and I want to know if anyone else can relate to this? What I mean is that I might say something and imagine him responding by saying “i love you” or something; but then if he doesn’t say that when i expect him to, I worry that it’s a confirmation that he doesn’t love me. It’s like my brain is trying to telling me that is he isn’t acting exactly how I’m hoping or expecting him to, it serves as proof that he doesn’t love me. I know logically that this doesn’t make sense. I know logically that he isn’t particularly one with his words, and I know that he struggles with some intrusive doubts as well. I know that he shows his love to me through other ways, but I can’t help but worry that he doesn’t want a future with me and is just going to leave. Please don’t offer me any reassurance here on my situation. I’m trying to embrace some ERP and am sitting with the idea that he might just leave me and there’s nothing I can do about that. Instead, does anyone find themselves performing similar “mental tests” for your partner? Is this a common compulsion/behavior?

wumbusgeorge69

Date posted: 1y

Sometimes I remind myself that “reassurance tests” are prone to pushing people away. It will push me away if I don’t get the response I’m hoping for and then I’ll be distant and cause them to get upset which will make me think I was right about my concerns. I’ve started doing a reverse reassurance test for myself where when I feel the urge to do a test I just say something nice or do something nice. That has actually prompted more positive interactions that do sort of give me validation but not in like a “passed a test” kind of way but I recognize that when I show love to someone who loves me they usually show love back. It’s been helpful for me, maybe not a perfect solution but I think it’s better than the testing and asking for reassurance.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I do a similar thing, unfortunately. I'm always scared that they're being kind to me just out of pity or loving me just because they're too nice(?), so I end up finding a way to ask them how they feel in a very vague way. If it doesn't seem reassuring enough, I assume they hate me. If it's reassuring, I assume they're lying. What's especially hard is that I *know* I'm being delusional and that these thoughts aren't reality, but I can't help it. For whatever reason, I can't stop convincing myself that they hate me, even if they've shown me completely otherwise. It makes me feel terrible, because I don't want them to think that what they're doing isn't enough, so I've been trying my best to keep my "reassurance tests" to a low. Either way, I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this, especially since I've been struggling with it Big Time recently. I only know one other person IRL who has OCD, but they don't share this symptom, so I've been feeling a bit irregular lol...

A.Monk

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous You perfectly explained exactly what I’m experiencing right now. I’m also trying to minimize my “reassurance tests” because my OCD tells me if I keep doing them, then he really will start to hate me lol. I think we’ll be able to do this! The less me seek reassurance, the stronger we’ll get 💖

clair_m88

Date posted: 23w

Help :( ROCD & object permanence

Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺

Relationship OCD

ellij

Date posted: 10w

ROCD flare up

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Relationship OCD

naiad

Date posted: 9w

Relationship OCD

Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Does Anyone Else Do This? ROCD

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community