RELIGIOUS I’m scared of God and I’m keeping a safe distance. I’m not leaving him completely I’m just talking to him from far away. If I get too close to him I’ll end up getting hurt. Just because I’m scared of him doesn’t mean I don’t love him either. I want to talk to him but ocd is saying I can’t because I’ve done too many problematic things and he’s judging me for it. So I’m avoiding praying as much as I can. This is painful. I really wish I would’ve come to find God when I was older and I wouldn’t have to question everything he did. I’d just go along with it because I would understand that I have to. Ocd really just fucks Up the idea of God. Completely. It says he’s sending me to hell anyway despite me believing he died and is coming back. It says hes sending me to hell because I’m too problematic. And it says he’s ignoring my prayers because he’s pissed with me. I want Gods attention but not that much attention because then he will see it as a chance to hurt me and call it “ a test of faith.” I even prayed to Mary and asked her to tell God what I need to tell him. Idk how praying to Mary works but I just trusted she told him. I sound so stupid but I’m lost and I just want to leave this alone until I need it. Because this isn’t healthy but I’m scared to make it healthy

does anybody feel like god is causing them to feel this way? like ocd and everything that’s going wrong? or that you’ve upset god that’s why this is happening. I wasn’t a religious person but i am a bit now, but it scares me, i know you’re not “supposed” to be terrified of god, but i feel like i am? I don’t want to be though and at the same time i don’t want to lean more into religion but what if god is mad at me for not being completely religious? what if it’s not ocd? what if i’m holding myself back? what is happening to me :(

Does anyone struggle with opening up to God because of their OCD? My mom is a born again Christian and I recently started to go to her church with her. I was raised Catholic, but I was never really a practicing Catholic. Recently I have been so down in life and I feel like the only way out of this is through God. My mom said to me today that I have tried different treatments for many years and none have worked, but I still haven’t given God a real chance. I just feel fake if I’m going to God because of my problems. I think I’m afraid that if I open to God and don’t get better I will spiral even worse. I think my mind definitely can go down a path of magical thinking and I don’t want to think God is the answer and will solve all of my problems because I know that’s not realistic either. I just want to get better, but feel very conflicted. I have these fears because I have suffered from magical thinking for a long time. Sometimes it’s not so present in my life and sometimes it is very. It’s hard for me to tell when I’m not doing it and sometimes I’m aware if I am or not. For example I have been obsessing over a certain number lately. It’s been driving me insane. I’m afraid that God will think I’m not good enough to be helped.

In the past, I used to pray 100 times out of fear that God would punish me by giving me or someone I love cancer, or worse. Even though I got out of that compulsion, I still fear God. I pray for my entire family every night out of fear that if I don't, God will kill someone close to me or kill me. During Bible study today, my mom essentially explained that people who don't truly believe in God won't be protected by God. I'm essentially Agnostic, because I'm convinced that if God does exist he hates me. I feel trapped. On one hand I feel like If I stop praying or believing in him then he will make my life worse than it already is. But I have OCD, an eating disorder, I suffer so much in so many aspects of my life and I worry the reason is because God hates me. I'm scared one or these days he's going to push me to my last straw. Does anyone have a similar experience?