Am I right that sexuality shows from puberty and doesn’t switch? So for me, naturally I wanted to be physical and emotionally close to girls. I enjoyed it. Was like a natural pull towards it. Not obsessed, but daily that’s what I’d think/want. Up until 26/27, I’d never even thought about my sexuality, it just was. For those with same sex attraction, is it the same just that it’s towards the same gender? Like, it can’t be mistaken?
Mate I feel your struggle with this I feel like I'm falling into something I don't want it's horrible and upsetting
As a girl, I sometimes find other girls attractive but it doesn't feel the same as being attracted to a guy. It feels like I admire their beauty or something about them. With a guy it's like I could imagine myself in a relationship with them. I don't think attraction is as black and white as if you feel something for a person you must be sexually attracted to them.
@Studybug It’s so confusing to me. I never once had to ever think about who I was attracted to. Neither physically or emotionally. The same way you’re right or left handed…I just knew? Then in comes a random thought or question and it’s consumed me. All I seem to be able to think about is this theme. Everything seems to be up for debate in my mind. I don’t THINK I have any natural relationship attraction to guys, but I am petrified I do or I must do. And I think - surely you just know if you’re straight, gay, bi right? In the same way I had a natural want to be with women, others would have that more/predominately towards a sex or both? Right? It doesn’t just change overnight? And not out of the blue right?
@gp I understand this. It sounds like you're dealing with false attraction which is very common among people with OCD, it has impacted me many times. It really convinces you not just through thought but by your body responses that you are attracted to someone. It’s just the OCD, it doesn't mean anything. When I feel attracted to a girl I don't feel any panic or urge to reject it. When I am dealing with false attraction I do feel that urge, the same one you're feeling, to push it away because it's not me. It only makes it worse. You know who you are, next time the thoughts come say "ugh OCD again". Separate it from yourself.
So I’ve talked to a couple of gay people and they all told me the same thing. They ALWAYS knew they liked guys and they have ever gotten aroused by a woman in their life. In fact they told me that they always found a woman’s body disgusting. Looking back in my life I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember even before puberty. All my fantasies were about girls and I can’t remember a time where I felt the same for a guy (because it never happened). At the end I can still get aroused by women and you can clearly see how much stupid this obsession about being gay is. Gay people can’t get instinctively aroused by a woman and like it. Groinal responses and sensations don’t mean anything because they simply do not bring joy or a feeling of desire. Instead they bring panic. I once got a groinal when “testing my reactions” and I was sitting there crying like my life is over. That’s not how genuine attraction works and no one has woken up one day feeling different and no one has been secretly gay and never noticed it and spent his whole life into women instead.
Anyone who has had sexual orientation OCD since the “dating age” (middle school/high school)— how did you ever determine your sexuality? I don’t want reassurance because I understand our experiences may be different. I’m just curious— did you try boys and girls? Did you just find your person and know? I started having SOOCD at age 16 and I’m now 28. OCD has ruined my ability to date more than anything else. I feel like it stole my chance at love. I’ve had three long-term situationships with men. I adored them but they were also toxic because I think I subconsciously didn’t believe I deserved better. I felt that if I knew the relationship wouldn’t work because of fundamental differences, at least it was okay that I couldn’t fully be present in the relationship. Not sure if this makes sense, but I’m just grieving that part of my life I missed out on.
How can you tell if it’s SOOCD, being in denial or sexual orientation fluid change? I really really hope it’s just SOOCD but I suffer so much from the loss of attraction to opposite gender and severe‘false’ attraction to same gender. It makes me feel sick and want to cry every time I have false attractions. I find it so difficult I feel my entire life has flipped and been destroyed.
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