Struggling with OCD and doubting God—seeking advice on rejection thoughts.

@OCDSurvivor123 Thank you! I’ve had these thoughts before and they hurt so much! It starts to make you think “did I mean that?” Or “why would I have that thought?” I’ve been ruminating about it since yesterday and I had a moment that I was like “it’s okay it’s just a thought” I truly felt comfort but recently it feels like my own my condemning me! I try to remind myself OCD attacks what we love the most so if I get a rejection thought about God & Jesus then it means they’re so important to me! It’s just hard when I feel so much anxiety & guilt! I’ve asked for forgiveness multiple times and I know with OCD it’ll never “feel enough”. What helps you move forward?

@Cammy123 Yeah. Lately I’ve gone numb to the thoughts or I feel like I will the thoughts because it feels so odd when I don’t have them even though I don’t want them. I’m still trying to work through it, but reminding myself of the points noted above. Going to confession and finding support from my priest.

@Cammy123 Also reading stories of Saints who have experienced similar struggles. Like Saint Catherine of Siena.

@OCDSurvivor123 This is me!! I feel numb to most of them now like I automatically thinking them when I realise I haven’t had a thought!! But mine are awful sexual themes about holy figures 😭

@liv24 I feel like my brain is addicted to fighting the thoughts now and when they aren’t there that makes me think I was responsible all along

@liv24 If I’m not having the thoughts then I don’t have OCD in my mind

@OCDSurvivor123 Wow yes!!!! This is exactly how I feel!! I’m constantly repeating the same things over and over in my head to ‘avoid thinking the bad thoughts’ but really all it’s doing it making me think them even more. Then if I find myself not thinking even for a brief minute I’m like wow you don’t even have OCD that was just you wanting to think these things!

@OCDSurvivor123 Also I feel like I am sinning because everytime I have a thought I think wow I could have easily stopped that by not ruminating 😩😩 like I’m causing myself to have them! but I can’t seem to stop obsessing over these awful thoughts

@liv24 YES! I have mental rituals as well!!! But we have to remember that rumination is part of ocd therefore not a sin.

@OCDSurvivor123 Very true!! Can I ask is there anything you do that helps with rumination? I started mindfulness and concentrating on the present and things I can see/hear and feel like I had 2 reallry good days were thoughts were very minimal then today wow I feel like I’m back at square one and can’t stop my brain off!

@liv24 Many times I don’t even realize I’m ruminating. It’s like my natural state of being. I try to challenge myself to go 5 mins without thinking about it but have yet to succeed. I am worried cause I really feel like I wanted my unwanted thought the other night. I wanted my ocd to be bad so that I would know for sure I have OCD. It’s like I didn’t want the thought for the thought itself but I wanted the thought to prove it’s OCD. Does that make any sense at all?? And then I look at other peoples symptoms and even though I have the exact same experience I convince myself that I don’t and that I’m a fraud

@OCDSurvivor123 Yes 100000%%%% understand!! one minute I think yep I definitely have it I’ve listend to sooo many audio books about ocd and I can relate to a lot of what they say then other times I think nope I’m lying to myself I’m just actuall a horrible person! Especially when you see that people usually get a thought then a compulsion but I feel a lot of the time before I’ve even had a thought I’m already in mental compulsion. Ive got into a bad habit of repeating words or phrases in my head that I know would trigger a thought just to see if I can fight the thought which I know I fail every time but can’t stop it. Can I ask what your theme is? If you don’t mind Ofcourse!

@liv24 Yes I have mental compulsions to preempt the thoughts as well! I repeat the same phrases every time! I feel like my bad thoughts have become compulsive in and of themselves! I have blasphemous thoughts. Not sexual but blasphemous.

@OCDSurvivor123 I’m so glad you understand!! I feel like my thoughts are compulsive to!! Because some times I’ll get such an overwhelming urge to think something bad is that makes any sense? That’s when I start to repeats the phrases to try stop the thought but fail even thought I know I’m going to. I feel like I can’t resist that urge no matter what I try to distract myself with!! I’ve also not told a single sole about my OCD because I’m fare to embarrassed😩 my partner doesn’t believe in ocd so I feel like if I told him he’d think im crazy and if I told my mum wow she would be soooo horrified at the thoughts I get I feel like none would ever understand it unless they’ve been though similar!

@liv24 Soul**

@liv24 Oh my goodness yes!!!! The urges are SO real. I get the urge whenever I am in high states of emotion. Excited, agitated, frustrated, disgusted and last night I did not have the urge when I usually do. That is why I thought to myself… why didn’t I have the thought? I also get scared when ocd thoughts are referred to as “intrusive” for this reason. They feel more repetitive and compulsive than they do “intrusive.” It’s like they don’t just come out of nowhere necessarily…. I know what the triggers are and I feel like I have them compulsively even when I’m not triggered! I have them through the night and first thing in the morning I think of is the dreaded thought.

@liv24 Please don’t be embarrassed. It is not your fault. Even though it feels like it. I know that very well

@OCDSurvivor123 Yes everytime!!!! I 100% feel they are more compulsive then intrusive which I don’t know which is worst! I feel like these thoughts spoil everything I do. Have you been had therapy? I feel like nothing will work because I’m doing it to myself! I’ve tried sooo hard not to ruminate or sat in silence and listened to my clock tick and tried focusing on what’s around me and I last a few minutes before my minds already back on the thought it’s so draining! I try not to give in to the urge so bad and I can feel the anxiety getting worse but other times I don’t even get anxiety and it’s like I’m just constantly saying the bad things on purpose!

@OCDSurvivor123 I wish these thoughts had a different voice so I knew it wasn’t me haha