Username: kyle g tucker

Date posted: 41w ago

Hocd I give up

I don’t know if there is a light at the end of the tunnel anymore this feels so real I get headaches all the time and the thoughts are like if you come out it will go away and life will be back how if used to be i hate hate hate this just had enough I miss having attraction to women and it feeling natural and not a checking ritual this is hell and I just don’t know what to do I am so down every day with this I just don’t understand why this has happened to me I feel cursed it been 4 years now I never felt like this or had any thoughts like this as a kid or a teen this all started when I was in a toxic relationship with my ex girl friend and some one on a night shift said I can see why gay guys are happy they don’t have women in their life and bang ‼️ it started a thought out of no where saying I am gay on loop it been that way ever since I just want to be at peace it don’t help when I hear sexuality is fluid or on a spectrum that is very triggering for me and it don’t help that I have Aspergers as well which only magnifies this whole thing times a million I just feel so lost and have no idea what to do just want to be like I used be I feel like I have a massive chunk of my life robbed from me I feel so alone I have no problem with gay people at all you what you like I guess but me and don’t want to be like that I want to be with a women but my mind is like no you don’t it’s torturing this is can anybody help PLEASE !!

Username: pureolifepureolife

Date posted: 41w ago

Have you ever done ERP with an ocd specialist? It sounds like what you need is basic treatment. Ocd rarely gets better on its own. I went through the same theme and recovered. My ocd moved onto other themes and I tackle those just the same.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

Yh and I keep getting thoughts like the girls is my type and the false attraction feels real I don’t want it

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

I also get thoughts of women naked and the false attraction is real I’ve never had this before it’s been 6 months

Username: LovelyJones17LovelyJones17

Date posted: 41w ago

hey, i really feel for you. it sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed and lost. 🌟 i'm dealing with a different ocd theme myself, so i get how exhausting and isolating it can feel. but i've found a couple of apps that have been helpful for me, and maybe they could offer you some relief too. one app that's been a game-changer for me is "unstuck ocd therapy tools." it was recommended by my local ocd support group. it offers ai-personalized guidance and exercises right when you need them, which has been super helpful for those tough moments. it feels a bit like having a therapist in your pocket. another app i've tried is "gg ocd." it's more about teaching you the basics of cbt for ocd through small learning modules. it's not as personalized and doesn't help in the moment like unstuck does, but it's good if you want to get a grasp on cbt principles. 📚 remember, reaching out for help like you're doing now is a huge step forward. you're not alone in this.

Username: kyle g tuckerkyle g tucker

Date posted: 41w ago

@LovelyJones17 Thank you so much for recommending these apps I will be sure to check them out It feels like I am alone I know that I am not but ocd is like a mental bully that wants me to stay stuck it sucks

Username: SpecklesSpeckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w ago

I feel for all is you! I have a few themes and they are killing my life with my husband and people in general. I was a social person, but now I've become a hermit and I'm so anxious and depressed when I go out I can hardly think. It's really scary. Not sure how much more I can take. I just hate myself and can't believe this is happening. I had a hold on it like someone else said and I felt good last year, but it's robbed me now of anything in life.

Username: kyle g tuckerkyle g tucker

Date posted: 41w ago

Yeah I know what you mean I don’t look at men for fear of thinking if I do that some how proves that I am gay it’s just horrible ocd is like a demon in your head you know and we are like the puppet it is trying to control I know I must seem crazy but is just how I feel regarding this horrible mental glitch but 6 months you may be able to use cbt techniques to help with symptoms I feel with me that I am stuck like it I said it feels so real I guess it wouldn’t be ocd though if it didn’t I don’t know just feel lost and like no hope I hope you get better though I think you can do it how old are you how did yours start if you don’t mind me asking and was it like me a thought out of no where or different ?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

@kyle g tucker I’m 18 and it I used to go to a mixed school boys and girls and I have always like boys even in my secondary school but since I’ve gone to a sixth form it’s a girl school some girls told me that two girls kissing and I got scared and whenever a girl touched me I used to panic and I used to get thought like ur joy straight I liked that didn’t u.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

@Anonymous Before it wasn’t this bad since Jan it’s gone more now I don’t even look at girls and I had no false attraction before Jan I don’t know what happening I know that I don’t like girls but I keep getting this strong girls I g that I do and I know that I don’t like them. For example I like when men have veiny arms and are more masculine but whenever I look at a girl and I can see her veins I keep getting a fealing that I like it

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

@Anonymous I just started getting thoughts before it was no girl should touch me and I used to cry and panic and now I get all of these kind of thoughts I’ve had ocd before too in Covid I have had health ocd when Covid came I used to wash my hands a lot clean a lot and google

Username: kyle g tuckerkyle g tucker

Date posted: 41w ago

Oh wow that sounds Awful which one would you say feels more real and harder to cope with I googled a lot too but don’t any more that is how I find out sexuality is fluid and all that sorry hope I didn’t trigger you I don’t mean to honestly I feel if I didn’t look it up it probably won’t be as bad just wish I never heard that joke “” wish that people like us dosing have to go through this hell

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

@kyle g tucker Innit I looked up and I found out more about false attraction

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

@kyle g tucker And the Covid thing I was scared I thought I was gonna die and now it’s more bad

Username: kyle g tuckerkyle g tucker

Date posted: 41w ago

I was exactly the same I was so obsessive over the virus and drove every body mad with just like I am now with this whole am I gay thing I lost friends because of this and well lost faith in my self and confidence as well you know I kinda blame covid for this whole thing I think it the reason for this you know ?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

@kyle g tucker Yhh true but the false attraction is soo real

Username: kyle g tuckerkyle g tucker

Date posted: 41w ago

I know I go through the same thing and it wired because I never thought twice about this I did ERP did a exposure watching gay men kiss with in no more then 2 seconds I was gagging and like nope but my head was like you are denying it I am like yeah sure it is such a head fuck I just don’t like it

Username: kyle g tuckerkyle g tucker

Date posted: 41w ago

Hey yeah I have they are the ones who said to watch and sit with uncomfort and do noting about it the thing is it feel so real and that is horrible like I feel like I have lost attraction to women but I know deep down I haven’t I was suicidal but that isn’t the answer at all this will past some days are worse then other but I guess it is what it is I have Aspergers as well so that probably don’t help it very black and white kinda thinking

Username: pureolifepureolife

Date posted: 41w ago

@kyle g tucker ERP feels horrible. But it works. You gotta commit to doing it even when it’s scary and feels real.

Username: Iann

Date posted: 5y ago

So looks like I’ve hit a wall I haven’t hit ever with this ocd. If you can even call it ocd. I genuinely feel confused. Idk what’s real or not. Idk what my mind or body wants. I feel so stressed out. My thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore and sometimes it genuinely feels like I want it and I’m just hiding it. I don’t get it. I even lost attraction to this girl I was madly interested in. I don’t know what to do anymore really. I see any dude and my mind automatically starts thinking “you’re attracted to him” literally every single guy I see. I’m not even kidding. I really don’t get what’s going on with me. I haven’t been diagnosed yet because there are no ocd specialists in my area. My mom told me once she thinks she has ocd and my aunt as well. But their ocd seems more like the “traditional” type of ocd where you can actually see their compulsions. I think I struggled from Religious ocd a few years back. Also with my ex girlfriend there was a period where I struggled with ROCD I believe but got over it. Now Hocd has definitely been the worst and what makes it worse is that I actually had a gay experience but even after that I didn’t question my sexuality. I maybe would get the ocasional “you’re gay” thought but wouldn’t pay it attention and it just went away. But now it just can’t leave my head. This has been going on since February. I used to be crazy for women, don’t know what’s wrong with me. I even had sex with the girl I really like about 2 weeks ago and really enjoyed it! But now my attraction for her seemingly disappeared out of nowhere when this hocd bull starts acting up again. I’m so tired of this.

Username: idont241

Date posted: 5y ago

I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Idk

Date posted: 5y ago

I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Hocd I give up

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