Being vegan and having ocd

I’m not sure if this is OCD related but it causes extreme anxiety. Are there any vegetarians/vegans here? I was once a vegetarian and had to go back eating meat because I would bruise very easily. Then I became flexitarian and pescatarian. Now I’m craving meat but the problem is I’m feeling guilty because I’m an animal lover and an advocate and I care about animal welfare. And unfortunately majority aren’t humanely treated. I don’t know if it’s OCD related but it really causes anxiety for me. That if I eat meat I’m a horrible person and that I’m a hypocrite.

Has anyone else OCD toward morality? I have an obsession with being morally right, doing the right thing, being a good person etc I have a notebook with a list about my morals -things that are morally wrong/right -words to avoid because they are wrong -things to do to do the right thing -moral missions how to change the world ... I check at the end of the day if I was morally right and write it down and hate myself if I failed I am hypercritical of myself and also about others When for example and artist does something that’s against my morals(and even if it is only on slur in a song) I delete all their songs, unfollow them, don’t listen to the music again I am very isolated because almost no one can be always morally right ;me neither but I can’t stop this. Is this even OCD or am I narcissistic or something like that. Or am I maybe a narcissist with OCD. I come from a narcissistic family system so I am scared that maybe I turn into one without noticing.

I’ve always been a huge feminist, anti-racist, anti-sexual assaulters, etc. Basically against everybody anti-human rights. But because my OCD has been trying to convince me that I’m a sexual assaulter, a pedophile, racist, etc. (basically everything that goes against my morals), it also tries to tell me that I should sympathize with people I used to be against. Sometimes I’ll read about, say, teens committing sexual assault, and in the past I would have firmly said “they need to be punished”, whereas now I think “well, what if they didn’t know better? I made a mistake when I was a teen; what if they thought it was okay?” I never say these out loud because I dont want to make real victims feel bad, obviously. And if I hear someone has been racist, I’ll think, “What if they’re like me?” I still believe we need to eradicate sexual assault, racism, homophobia, etc, but I can’t help but think I’m a part of the problem, so sometimes I find myself sympathizing with “bad people”. It’s really messing my mind up. I don’t know what to think. Does anyone feel the same way or have any tips?