Reasons to be on this Earth

I am sending you strength and compassion over the interwebs. Please hang in there and choose yourself - in this moment, in the next moment, and the moment after that.

So sorry to hear you're feeling this way. That is not a fun place to be in. I can't really give you direct and specific advice since I don't know you or exactly what you're going through, but I can make some general suggestions. Feel free to take them or leave them. First, some possible books that you may be interested in: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. Fair warning, this deals with heavy subject matter. However it includes some amazing insights on childhood trauma, how it manifests itself later in life, and most importantly, how it can be healed. There are some beautiful and inspirational success stories in it. "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach. A beautiful book about how our resistance to reality is what causes much of our suffering, and how we can learn to accept all that is. It also includes some heavy subject matter, but I think that aids in it effectiveness. It's primarily based on Buddhist philosophy and is more on the spiritual side, but it is agnostic in nature and doesn't require or push any belief in a particular religion or philosophy. Some therapeutic approaches that you may be interested in: DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy) and ACT (Acceptance and commitment therapy) are psychotherapy practices that incorporate mindfulness into their techniques. They are great if you want to explore the idea of mindfulness in a more clinical, evidence-based setting. General things I recommend for day-to-day life: Eat a healthy and balanced diet, and get regular exercise. This isn't a magical cure, but having a healthy body really helps when trying to cultivate a healthy mind. They play off of each other. Really try your best to form some strong social bonds. I know that you may feel like interacting with people is the last thing you want to do right now, but being able to disclose how you feel to someone is hugely beneficial. Also, if you help other people with their own problems, the brain naturally produces chemicals that make you feel much better, like dopamine and endorphins. We are literally naturally wired to be rewarded when we help each other. It's part of being human! I hope something in here is helpful. Wishing you wellness and peace.

I just want to say you are not alone. I too am struggling really bad. It's like I was doing everything right, eating healthy foods. Exercising. Meditation. I've been so stressed at work and my OCD has been rampant. I was triggered by an angry customer who reminded me of my dad (lots of emotional trauma there).. and with men in general. I have a history of sexual assualt too. Well the stress and the person sent me into a full panic attack which then made me end up in the doctors and out of work. I feel discouraged that after being so healthy this could still happen. Now I'm on medication and taking steps like signing up for nocd. But the intrusive loop of wanting to die day after day, then followed by the anxiety and guilt of feeling that way is truly hell. I'm so sorry you feel like this. Trying to get back into the healthy routine again myself, like the suggestions made above, but still working on it. It's so hard. Just know you're not alone. Love this community and love you for sharing! It makes me feel less alone.