I am going to a psychiatric day-care hospital..

Hi there. This post may be a little lengthy so apologies in advance! I’m relatively new to NOCD. I’m currently on my 3rd week of counseling for ROCD. I’ve been dealing with ROCD on and off since the summer of 2020. My initial dealings with ROCD in 2020 left me bed-ridden for weeks, not wanting to eat or drink anything - just wanting to sleep it all away. It got to the point where I couldn’t decipher if what I was thinking were my true thoughts or my anxiety. From the moment I woke up until the moment I fell asleep. I was truly a prisoner of my own mind. It was such a painful and heartbreaking experience not only for myself, but for my fiancé and mother to witness as we didn’t know anything of ROCD then. It got to the point where for the first time in my life I voiced aloud wanting to die - just so I could shut my brain off and have peace. Since then I’ve been placed on medication and have been in and out of therapy. Until finding NOCD, I always felt therapists in my town (a small, southern part of the US) just didn’t quite understand what I was dealing with. I’m happy to be here on NOCD and giving ERP a try. It’s definitely different from any other therapy I’ve received in the past… but sometimes the sessions can be triggering. I’m currently dealing with a “flare up” right now. I constantly feel as if I have one foot out the door in my relationship. I constantly think of people from my past. Two in particular. I chalk it up to never having closure (maybe?)… but then I’ll have intrusive thoughts. Playing out scenarios in my mind, making myself anxious and doubting my current relationship - knowing that the odds of these scenarios actually happening in real life are practically non-existent. I’m triggered by topics of marriage, couples that we’re friends with being on the outs, etc. It’s so painful to deal with. I say ALL of this to say, other than meeting with my NOCD therapist, I’ve considered doing the group ROCD therapy that meets every Wednesday via the app… but I’m really anxious about it. All because of this belief that if I speak what I’m going through into existence, then it’s true. I’ve also never shared my story face to face with people in a public setting like that before. I tend to be pretty private. I’m able to post this because for those who see it, you don’t know who I am and you cannot see me and vice versa. So, if anyone’s ever sat in on a group NOCD therapy session - would you be so kind as to give your girl some relief or tips to approaching it for the first time? I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!

I’m scared of going to therapy/counseling incase I slip up and tell to much and get put into a mental hospital or CPS will get involved (I am 18 but the age of majority is 19 in my state so until next year I can still be taken and put into a foster home) I’m scared of being on medication, when I was around 8-9 my mom had me so medicated for my anxiety and OCD I would sit there and drool on myself…as embarrassing as it is it’s true. I’m scared of being diagnosed with something else and it limiting me in the future. I’m scared of my therapist/counselor going home at the end of the day and making fun of me or telling my story to people. Anyone else have any experiences like this or advice? Thanks!

I start therapy tomorrow again and I'm honestly petrified to discuss my real event OCD. Even tho it happened when I was like 6 and people are telling me I'll be fine, I'm still terrified I did COCSA and I'll be reported for it. My OCD is even telling me people told me it's OK because they think I deserve to be reported. I dont know how to get over the fear. But not talking through it makes it feel worse to.. im so anxious.